


The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty

by imissmest



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Axel is adorable, Break Up, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Meeting the Parents, Online Persona, Reunions, Roxas is romantically challenged, Secrets, Sex Toys, Smut, Social Anxiety, Sub Axel (Kingdom Hearts), University, like LOTS of SMUT, secret job
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 18:48:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 79,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13083090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imissmest/pseuds/imissmest
Summary: Roxas has a job to support himself through school. Minimum time for maximum money, what could possibly be wrong with that?





	1. Chapter 1 - The Artists These Days Are Not Who You Think

**Author's Note:**

> Square Enix, please forgive me for this XD
> 
> Welcome to an hour in Roxas' life. Roxas really isn't very enthusiastic about his job.

It had been a long day. Roxas had had two essays due and one quiz that day and he was completely beat. Unfortunately, now he had work. His roommate wasn’t home yet and likely wouldn’t be for a few hours yet.

Giving his bedroom door a kick to unstick the door where it jammed against the frame at the bottom, he walked in putting his book bag down at the side of his room. He groaned as he looked through his closet for something to wear. He really needed to buy himself some new clothes, all of this his clients had already seen him in, well the long-term ones, anyway.

Stripping down to nothing he looked at his wardrobe again. Deciding on black leather short shorts, a white – _tight_ – singlet shirt, and a black short sleeved button up shirt with only the bottom three buttons done up. One last check in the mirror, deeming the clothes good enough but crossing the room and pulling back the room divider and stepping into his workspace, closing the gap back up once inside the self-made cube.

Roxas liked having his room with posters on the wall and various chachkies from holidays or gifts from friends covering every surface. One wall space had shells stuck to the wall from the beach he and his friends went to where he grew up. His bedspread had a black and white check print. He liked his room to reflect himself. For that reason, his workspace was closed off. How he made money had nothing more to do with him than the need to pay bills.

He sat on the pillows scattered around the floor and opened up his laptop, turning it on and signing in. While waiting for the operating system to boot, he opened up his toy box and pulled a few items out. He could never remember what he had been playing with lately and he didn’t want his clients to get bored of him. He made a mental note to start writing down what he used and when.

Opening up the host website, he signed in to his account and got comfortable on the pillows, pushing the laptop away a few inches so the camera could see up to just below his collarbones and turned on some music. Music helped give him a rhythm to work to and to drown out any sounds from his flat and himself.

He never let anyone see his face. Never gave out his name or _any_ personal details. Never let them hear his voice. This was just for money.

He was going to wank anyway so why not get paid for it?

There was a list at the side of the screen Letting him know how many people he had signed in and paying to watch him. A handful of regulars stood out. A few had been watching him for months and unfortunately even less paid for a private show.

He had four regulars who paid for private shows usually once or twice a week. One always spent more than the other. Roxas had learnt early on that the ones who tended to pay the most were the ones who asked for weirder or more extreme things.

There was one, however, who was always sweet. The stranger peppered Roxas with compliments on how beautiful his body was or how good he was at what he did. The compliments were superficial, they had to be since Roxas never let anyone know anything real about himself, but that didn’t mean they didn’t still make the short blond feel warm and fuzzy.

Very different from how the others spoke to him. They demanded actions and called him ‘slut’ or ‘whore’, he was able to mostly ignore it. One of his regulars paid more for him to write something demeaning across his chest in markers and wipe his own come over his chest. It didn’t bother the boy too much since both washed off, sometimes the words and actions snowballed in his head for a few days afterwards making him feel used and dirty. Luckily it was rare that happened.

The clock ticked over to 5:30pm and he started up the webcam, beginning his show for the evening.

**_Destiny:_ ** _Hello boys xox_

**_Waterboy:_ ** _hi destiny!_

**_Fair_Game:_ ** _evening. What have you got for us today?_

Roxas looked quickly to the side to see what he pulled out of the toy box earlier.

**_Destiny:_ ** _I thought you might like to see one of the new toys I bought_

Roxas held up a good sized dildo with a suction cap at the end for the camera then placed it in front of him so he could type.

**_I_put_the_sin_in_assassin:_ ** _fuck yes_

**_Destiny:_ ** _this one’s pretty big... I will have to work up to it_

**_Superior_Mansex:_ ** _just stick it in, little slut_

Roxas held up a butt plug to the cam.

**_Destiny:_ ** _I’ll start with the plug first_

Roxas shifted back away from the laptop. He knew where he had to be, he had marked out the floor with thin strips of electrical tape, that way he would never accidentally move too far away and show his face.

He kneeled on the thin strip of black tape and ran his hands down his neck then down his body to the first fastened button and popped it open. His left hand continued its journey down to seductively rub over his thigh and hip as the right has continued undoing buttons.

This was work. Roxas found nothing erotic about it. His eyes glanced frequently between his hands and the screen. He had to make sure he was in focus and his hands weren’t getting in the way of the cam. Just another reason not to show his face; Roxas was no actor.

Once his black shirt was undone and pulled open, he allowed it to slide off his shoulders and get caught at his elbows. He pulled the white singlet up a few inches, revealing his pale, taut stomach where both of his hands roamed and caressed.

His stomach wasn’t toned and muscular, he was just skinny. There had been men in the past that had watched him because they believed he was underage. Lack of muscle made him look young and had netted him some large chunks of cash. As long as he was being paid he didn’t care what the freaks who watched him though.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _*nosebleed*_

Roxas almost laughed out loud. He chuckled silently. The small jerky movement of his abdominal muscles could be seen by the men watching so Roxas reigned it in quickly. Hot.Stuff had a habit of trying to make Roxas laugh, though he usually kept it for their private shows on Wednesday nights. The man was definitely one of the most pleasant of his clients.

Next, his hands moved to the tight leather shorts, popping open the button and teasing them open. He rubbed his crotch through the leather. It was uncomfortable but aesthetically pleasing. Rolling his hips against the palm of his hand, he tried to tune out the camera and people watching until he got himself hard. Once halfway there, he undid the zipper and teased the shorts down only enough to see the patch of neatly groomed blond wiry hairs and the base of his semi-hard cock.

**_Fair_Game has just given 500 munny to Destiny_ **

Roxas was relieved that the extra munny was coming in. Munny was the host sites currency that clients used to enter public shows (such as the one Roxas was currently performing), enter private shows (invitation only), and tip a little extra if the client was seeing something they liked (as Fair_Game just did) or made a request. Roxas got 100 munny per minute per person watching, it could add up quick on a good day. He could earn more if he showed his face, but that wasn’t going to happen.

Moments like this, talking would have been so much easier. Instead, Roxas shuffled forward on his knees over to the laptop to type.

**_Destiny:_ ** _Fair_Game thanks, baby_

Returning to his previous position, slowly letting the black shirt slide off his arms and pool on the floor behind him. He crossed his arms in front of himself holding the end seam of the singlet and sliding it up over his body and off, dropping it on the floor with the other shirt. It often felt pointless getting changed out of his normal clothes and into the skimpy clothes just to peel them off five minutes later. Realistically, stripping held the men’s attention and got Roxas money without having to do very much at all. It also helped stall before jerking off and allow other men to enter the session and get as much money out of them as possible.

Slowly Roxas wriggled out of the shirts and adding them to the pile of clothes already on the floor. _Damn it_. He was still only semi-hard. He reached for the tube of lube, pouring a little into the palm of his hand and beginning to use the lube to stroke himself. The warming lube always helped in times like this. His body didn’t need more than the warmth to remind it of sex. Roxas was still young after all, it didn’t take much for him to get an erection anyway.

**_Superior_Mansex:_ ** _fuck yourself with the plug_

Roxas sighed internally. _And so it begins_.

Putting a generous coating of lube on his fingers, Roxas turned his back to the camera and leaned forward. He closed his eyes and inserted the first finger, coaxing his muscles to relax and coating his walls with the slick substance. When ready, he inserted the second finger, gliding it in easily alongside the first.

With his back to the camera, he could ignore the fact that men were watching him. He allowed himself to get caught up in rubbing his prostate softly, letting out heavy exhales where there should be moans. His best friend always said that fingering yourself was never as good as when someone else did it, Roxas just assumed that he was doing it wrong because even his own fingers felt good. Too good.

Carefully he slid his fingers out one by one then picked up the butt plug, coating it generously. The messier things got, the more money he tended to make. If lube dripped down his thighs the men were happy, so logically, that’s what he aimed for. It also helped that this lube wasn’t clear like most. It had a slight white colouring to it so it resembled come. It was also popularly used in porn – used to fake the amount of come, usually on someone’s face, chest, or back – which is how Roxas learnt about it. From watching, that is, not doing.

Leaning forward again and spreading his cheeks, Roxas inserted the plug. He made a show of arching his back and clenching his muscles around the base of the plug, making it move without his hands. Sensuously, he rolled his hips a few times, the plug moving inside him with each roll, placing pressure on his sweet spot. His mouth fell open in a silent moan, panting heavily through the electric pleasure.

Balancing his weight on the heel of one hand, the other glided up the back of his thigh, spreading remaining traces of lube over the smooth skin. He brought the hand around to the front of his body, spreading his knees further apart and pushing his arse up in the air as he began to stroke his erection with long slow strokes which angled down towards the floor. It wasn’t the most comfortable angle to jerk off, but it gave his viewers a better, clearer view of what his hand was doing.

After a few minutes, Roxas decided he was ready to move on. He really wanted to try out the new dildo. He pulled the plug out and turned back around to the camera. There were a lot of comments he missed with his back to the laptop. On the weekend he will buy a proper high-quality Webcam. He had the money for a good one now and it would be so much easier than using the one built into the laptop.

Picking up the dildo, he coated it excessively in lube, hand moving suggestively over the shaft. He pressed the suction cap at the base hard against the hardwood floor and gave it a test tug. It seemed to be attached firmly enough. Pushing up onto his knees he positioned himself over the tip of the dildo. Before he could push down onto it a message popped up in the chat box catching his attention.

**_Superior_Mansex:_ ** _10,000 munny if you slam yourself down on it._

Fuck... 10,000 munny. That’s $200 in one go. That would just about pay for a new webcam...

**_Destiny:_ ** _Yes, Sir_

This man always insisted that Roxas call him “Sir” or “Master”, anything that let Roxas know he was less than. But he did pay well...

Roxas took a deep breath, relaxing as much as possible. This would likely hurt a lot. He lined the tip up with his opening and on an exhale _slammed_ himself down onto the plastic phallus.

His body trembled, his eyes watered, and his skin broke out in beads of sweat. _That fucking hurt!_

As promised, Superior_Mansex gifted him 10,000 munny. The munny wasn’t of any comfort right at that moment. He felt that if he inhaled too heavily his body might split in two. It hurt but it was what it was. He had to get on with the show, he didn’t have the luxury of time to allow his body to adjust to the sudden, large intrusion.

Slowly and tentatively, Roxas began moving. He rolled his hips, sliding the toy in and out only a little bit, gradually working up to lifting himself up until just the tip was left inside him before sinking down again. He built up a moderate rhythm, still stinging the flesh around his hole, but he was able to ignore the discomfort when he started stroking himself.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _in future i'm going to give you twice that to NOT do that. You’ll hurt yourself._

Thanks, idiot. Where were you a minute ago?

**_Superior_Mansex:_ ** _and I will double that for you to ignore that moron. Hot stuff, don’t you know what a whore is? Destiny doesn’t need a white knight._

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _if he was a whore he’d be here on my cock instead of there on rubber_

Roxas rolled his eyes. This wasn’t the first time these two clients had clashed over something. It was always Superior_Mansex trying to one-up everyone, flash around a bit of money to get what he wanted. That was sort of how the group sessions were supposed to go, highest bidder gets what they want and competition drives the price up.

He stayed out of the squabble, focusing on the task at hand, so to speak. Up, down, up, down, riding the dildo like it was a dick. He wished it was real, hot, and throbbing. He bit his lip to hold in a moan as the warmth collected swirled between his hips.

**_I_put_the_sin_in_assassin has just given 1000 munny to Destiny._ **

Damn it. Roxas changed hands, stroking with the left so he could type with the right.

**_Destiny:_ ** _I_put_the_sin_in_assassin thanks, honey_

Damn, that was difficult with one hand. Who needed a screen name that long?

**_I_put_the_sin_in_assassin:_ ** _take it all the way in and rock your hips for me, sweetie_

Roxas sank down onto the dildo, as far as was comfortable, and rocked his hips. It wasn’t great, it was a significant loss of friction, but he made up for it with his hands. The left hand applied a nice amount of pressure around the base and shaft, as the right teased the head of his cock. He rolled his hips, thrusting into his hands.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to last, hopefully another few minutes. He quickly did the math in his head. Five clients at 100 munny a minute was... 500 munny a minute. $10 a minute. Roxas grinned and bit his lip, he could definitely hold off coming for $10 a minute.

**_Hot.Stuff has just given 5000 munny to Destiny_ **

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _just do what feels good_

That’s almost... Sweet. Roxas was literally being paid to make himself feel good instead of his clients. Although, he had a feeling that “Destiny” feeling pleasure was what Hot.Stuff got off on and that was a-ok to Roxas.

**_Destiny:_ ** _Hot.Stuff thanks, baby_

Roxas brought his knees in a little closer together for balance and leaned back a fraction, left arm out behind him for support. Now he moved his hips with more enthusiasm, the head of the toy now brushing against his prostate with every thrust. His right hand resumed teasing and squeezing the head of his erection. He wanted to moan loudly or at least let out a small pleasured groan, but he stayed silent, pressing his lips firmly together to prevent any noise from escaping.

He held out for as long as he could before reaching his climax. His body tensed and shuddered, come landed on his stomach and thighs. Sucking in a few deep breaths as the edges of his vision came back into focus, he pulled his body slowly and smoothly off the dildo, sitting on the floor in front of it so he could type.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _well fuck... That was... Spectacular_

**_Destiny:_ ** _It was so good. I gather you enjoyed yourself_

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _nnghh yes_

**_Destiny:_ ** _good. See you all next time_

Roxas made a heart out of his hands, holding it for a few seconds in front of his body before signing off. He breathed a sigh of relief and wiped himself off with the old towel before wrapping it around himself and heading down the hall for a shower.

This was the best part, washing away the come and lube, washing away anything from the session which made him uncomfortable. Being called a slut and a whore swirling down the drain with the soapy water. Unfortunately, the arse pain wasn’t going to leave down the drain, but a few ibuprofen would help.

After a thorough cleansing inside and out, Roxas dried off and headed back to his room to change into his comfortable, baggy pyjama pants and a well worn old t-shirt.

He curled up in an armchair in the lounge room, channel flicking until something caught his fancy and waited for his roommate to get home. He didn’t have to wait long before she came in the door, a bright smile on her face and arms full of books.

“Hey, Rox.” Naminé put the books down on the coffee table. “Didn’t mean to take so long. I completely lost track of time.”

“How’s the major work coming along?”

“Slowly. I just can’t find the inspiration this time. I’m hoping something in these books will help. I can’t keep booking time in the art room to just stare at the canvas. Anyway, enough about that. How was your day?”

“As uneventful as always.” It wasn’t quite a lie, nor was it completely the truth. Naminé didn’t know what he did for work and he wanted to keep it that way. It would have been nice to be able to tell her he covered his half of the rent in under an hour, but that would lead to questions.

“Dinner?” Naminé asked.

“Stir fry?”

“Sounds good, “ Naminé smiled. “Let me just clean myself up a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screen name guide
> 
> Xemnas - Superior_Mansex  
> Axel - Hot.Stuff  
> Demyx - Waterboy  
> Luxord - Fair_Game  
> Marluxia - i_put_the_sin_in_assassin  
> Riku - DarkBreak 
> 
> Forgive the lack of creativity with the screen names. The others are worse XD


	2. Chapter 2 - His Favourite Day

So maybe Roxas wasn’t as ok as he thought; after his little show yesterday and slamming himself down on that fucking dildo. All the analgesic he possessed wasn’t enough to be able to sit comfortably. He was actually considering not signing on tonight. That thought didn’t go far. He still had rent to pay, and the car needed new tyres and a tank of petrol. Fuck. Well, it was a nice daydream while it lasted.

The seats in his English lecture had never felt so hard and uncomfortable. He sat twisted to one side, his weight resting on one hip. At least it was more comfortable than sitting normally. Maybe if he crossed his legs his odd position wouldn’t be as noticeable. So he tried it, crossing his right leg over his left thigh. He sighed, much better.

He hadn’t heard a word of what his professor had been saying all this time. The class was nearly over and he had spent the best portion of it squirming in his seat. Looking around he saw Riku diligently taking notes next to him. Riku would let him use them.

The rest of the time he had been staring at the back of the cute guy’s head that sat two rows in front of him. English Lit was the only class he had with the guy. Roxas vaguely remembered that he once overheard the guy talking to his friend before, something about science, possibly biology, so Roxas assumed he was a science major. They didn’t even attend the same tutorial classes. Not that any of it really mattered, Roxas would never ask the guy out anyway.

Riku leaned in close and whispered, “If you keep staring that hard you’ll bore a hole straight through the guy’s head.”

“Shut up,” Roxas muttered under his breath. 

Riku giggle-snorted and went back to taking notes. “Just fucking ask him out already. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He’s not into guys and says no,” Roxas sulked. 

“He’s obviously as straight as a corkscrew. Anything else?”

“He awkwardly says we should just be friends since I’m not his type. Then we’ll both always know I’d rather fuck him than be his friend.” Roxas propped his face up in the palm of his hand, eyes still on the redhead. 

“You’re a cynical little fuck, you know that? He’ll notice you staring at some point.”

“No, he won’t. Not if you stop drawing attention. Go away.”

“Fine, be single. What do I care?” Riku muttered, his fingers still sweeping over the keys of his laptop. 

Roxas sighed and attempted to pay attention to the lesson. 

“You know, Sora might know him. Sora knows everyone. Ask him about your mystery redhead,” Riku suggested. 

“Hmm... maybe. I don’t know his name or anything.”

“Describe that hair, it’s pretty unique. What about his friend?” Riku asked, not looking away from his laptop. 

“Not into blonds,” Roxas muttered. 

“And me?”

“Not into arseholes. Wait, that needs to be worded better,” Roxas backtracked. 

“I’ll say,” Riku gave an amused chuckle. 

“Not into... how do I put this nicely... dickheads. ” Roxas grinned as he was met by Riku’s aqua eyes. 

“I meant do you know his friend's name if you are quite done insulting me. But fine, be a jerk. Just do something about your crush before your grades slip.”

Damn it. Roxas hated when Riku was right. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt asking Sora about the sexy stranger. Sora probably did know, or at least know of, the redhead. Roxas doubted they had any classes together, but Sora was known to befriend people anywhere. The brunet had probably seen the redhead around. 

Roxas wasn’t quite sure how to describe the redhead, well, other than being a redhead that is. Tall, skinny, beautiful... Roxas wanted to use his body as a stripper pole. No. Too descriptive. Sora didn’t need to know that last part. 

What did it matter? It wasn’t like Roxas would talk to him anyway. He equally wanted the man to notice him, and remain invisible and watch from the sideline. 

As soon as the lecture finished he followed Riku to the cafeteria for lunch. Sora was minding a long table, waiting for his friends to get out of class. The brunet’s face brightened when his eyes spotted his boyfriend, and then got even brighter when he spotted Roxas. 

“Hey, Roxy. What are you doing here?” Sora asked as Roxas sat in one of the hard and uncomfortable plastic cafeteria chairs. 

Riku kissed Sora then dropped into the chair next to him. “Our Roxy needs your help.”

“Really?” Sora locked eyes with Roxas. “How can I help?”

Roxas sighed. “Ok this is really stupid, but... there’s this guy in my lit class and... I kinda maybe sorta want to talk to him. I don’t know his name or anything, but Riku thought you might know him.”

“Ohmygod yes!” Sora was positively beaming. “See, Riku, I told you he wasn’t asexual,” he said hitting his boyfriend’s arm. “So, what do you know about him?”

“Uhh… he’s hot.” Roxas nervously picked at a fingernail. “He has really red hair and it’s spiky and kinda long, like, just past his shoulders... and he’s really tall, maybe 6 foot something.”

Sora tilted his head in the way that he always did when he had to think really hard or remember something. Roxas always imagined Sora’s brain being a steam-powered machine; gears turning, pistons pumping, and steam releasing. 

“Doesn’t sound familiar... but I’ll keep an eye peeled for him,” Sora finished brightly. “You gonna ask him out?”

Roxas shrugged. “Maybe.”

He knew he probably wouldn’t. His job made it difficult to date, it wasn’t really something many people would be ok with their boyfriend doing. If it was the other way around, Roxas wasn’t even sure how he’d feel about his partner being a camwhore. It was  _ just _ a job, but Roxas got easily jealous. 

Roxas put his forehead on the table and sighed loudly. Maybe the redhead would be interested in a friends-with-benefits arrangement instead. 

-o.0.o-

Wednesday afternoons were Roxas’ favourite to work. On Wednesdays, he had private sessions with Hot.Stuff and it didn’t feel like work. The guy was very sweet, very kind, and Roxas liked having a laugh with him after they both came.

He stepped into his workspace and went through his mental checklist to make sure everything was set up right, and everything he needed was nearby. The space was closed off, the camera positioned correctly, toys were clean, lube was nearby, and he was dressed and ready.

Roxas signed into his account and waited for Hot.Stuff to sign in. He sat back against the cushions while he waited, trying to think of what he wanted for dinner tonight. He really felt like something greasy... a burger sounded  _ good _ . Unfortunately, he rarely allowed himself to eat unhealthy stuff unless it was a special occasion. Halloumi and avocado salad sounded good too.

The laptop chimed, alerting him to Hot.Stuff signing in. He crawled out of his nest of pillows and opened the private chat box with the client.

**_Destiny:_ ** _  Hey Hot.Stuff _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Hi. Hope I didn’t make you wait too long. My roommate is a moron and tried to burn down the kitchen _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Haha! No problem. Did the poor kitchen survive? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Barely. Just a melted cup or three _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Vetter than the whole kitchen. You could have literally ended up hot stuff! _

Roxas cringed at his own poor joke.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ lol oh I’m still hot stuff, just not temperature wise. _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I bet you are gorgeous ;) _

**_Hot.Stuff_ ** _ : Not nearly as gorgeous as you are. Why are you still wearing so much clothing? If I ruled the world, gorgeous little guys like you would never be allowed to wear clothes. It would be illegal. _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ That can be arranged _

Roxas crossed his arms in front of himself and took off his tight shirt the sexiest way he knew how.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ What other rules would you have for me if you were in charge? _

Roxas began undoing his tight black denim shorts. He learnt quickly that this guy preferred him dressed more... casual and less slutty when they were one on one. Roxas preferred it too, it was much more comfortable, even if the clothes only stayed on for five minutes.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You would be oiled up and sent to my room _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Yeah? Would you like to rub the oil over my body yourself? _

Roxas trailed a hand slowly over his body, fingertips circling a nipple a few times before trailing down to take off his shorts. Sitting in nothing but his boxer briefs, the hand continued down over his hips, gently trailing over his semi-hard cock and down his thighs.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ So badly... _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I have oil right here _

Roxas leaned over and got a bottle of baby oil out of his toy box. He stripped off his last piece of clothing and popped off the cap on the oil.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Yesssssss _

Roxas smiled and poured a little oil into the palm of his hand. He rubbed his hands together then spread the slick liquid over his chest, spending an excessive amount of time over his pectoral muscles.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You are gorgeous. Fuck I wish I was the one putting the oil on you. That’s it. When I’m in charge you aren’t allowed to do that yourself. I will spread it over you. _

Damn it, how was he supposed to type with oil on his hands? He really didn’t think this through.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ That sounds so good. I could rub my body against yours and make you oily too. It would feel so good to slide up against you as you fuck me _

Luckily, his cock was more than a little interested in this conversation. He really wanted to start touching himself already, but this wasn’t about what he wanted. Hot.Stuff would tell him when he could touch himself or how he wanted to see it done.

He started spreading the oil down his stomach. Damn, that made his stomach look good. He’d have to remember that.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You have no idea how good that sounds. God, you are sexy. _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ The oil feels so good. What would you do with me next? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I’d put a vibrating plug in you. I want to watch you writhe in pleasure while it stretches you for me. _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I already want you so bad. The plug will make me lose my mind. _

Roxas picked up the vibrating plug, covered it with a lot of lube and slowly slid it inside his body. There was a bit of a sting, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He picked up the remote and turned the vibration on. A delightful tingling ran through his core. It was  _ good _ .

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Oh fuck that feels good _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You look so sexy, baby. I want to lay you in that pile of pillows and deep throat you until you come.  _

A shiver ran through Roxas’ body, visible even to the man on the other side of the screen. He poured a little more oil into the palm of his hand and rubbed his hands together. He spread the oil down over his hips, over the front of his thighs then slowly up the inside of his legs. He closed his eyes and tossed his head back in a silent moan, and pictured the sexy redhead from class touching him. 

Oh dear  _ god!  _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Every time I think you can’t get any hotter you do. Turn the vibration up.  _

Roxas pressed a button on the remote, making the plug vibrate faster. A pulse of pleasure ran through his body. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He  _ had _ to touch himself. With one oiled hand, he began stroking himself slowly but firmly. His cock was already dripping with pre-come. 

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I don’t think I’ll last long at this rate. It feels too good. _

It was difficult typing with one hand and with his mind clouded with pleasure.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Me neither. You are far too hot for your own good. You’re killing me here. _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ What do you want me to do, baby? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Exactly what you are doing now _

Well, that sounded just fine to Roxas. He began stroking himself a bit faster, twisting his fist around his head. He could feel the heat pool in his abdomen. Roxas was  _ so close _ . He let his mind wander back to the sexy redhead.

He tossed his head back, moaning softly as he came.  _ Oh, fuck! _ Thinking about that guy worked a treat, he’d have to remember that.

Roxas panted, stroking himself through the last of his orgasm. He shuddered when the vibrations became too much and turned off the plug.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Damn that was hot. You are so good _

Cleaning off his hands on an old towel, Roxas pulled the plug out. He couldn’t remember the last time he had such an intense orgasm. He was feeling a little giddy and relaxed. He kinda wanted to do that again.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ That was so good. We are definitely doing that again _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Anytime. God DAMN _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You are incredible _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You are addictive _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ We still have time. I could definitely go again _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Good. Me too. Have I mentioned how amazing you are?  _

**_Destiny:_ ** _  Hmm... Not sure. You may have to remind me. I’m a bit forgetful _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You are ridiculously sexy. A living wet dream _

That would be nice if it were true... but Destiny didn't exist. He was a role Roxas played for the benefit of others, just a fantasy. Destiny was whatever he needed to be to whoever was paying him. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You must have guys falling for you all the time, worshipping at your feet _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Ha! I wish! No one will ever treat me as well as you do _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Thanks, I guess, but it’s not true. You are too sexy to not find someone willing to give you everything you want. I would _

This conversation had taken an odd turn. Time to get back on track here. He was being paid to be sexy, not to bare his soul. 

**_Destiny:_ ** _ You are too cute...or are you just hoping to get rid of me? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Why would I want to do that? I’m not nearly finished with you yet _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Keep talking like that and I’ll get hard again _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I fail to see a downside in that _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Never said it would be a bad thing. Just letting you know the effect you have on me _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Effect I have on you? You should see the effect you have on me. I’m ready to go again already _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Good. Me too _

He ran his hand over his stomach to collect some of the oil and began stroking himself hard with it. 

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I think I really like the oil _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Looks good on you.  _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ When I’m sent to your room, will you tie me up or am I allowed to do whatever I want, touch you wherever I want? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Why would I tie you up? Are you planning on trying to escape?  _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Not at all...unless you like a little role play. I would tell you to come and get me and you would catch me and pin me up against the wall. Tell me that my punishment is not being allowed to come until you finally let me _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I’d turn you around and fuck you against the wall but wouldn’t touch your cock. You have to come like this or not at all _

Holy crap... that’s hot. Roxas stopped stroking his cock. 

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Want to see if I can come with just a dildo?  _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Only if you want to _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t. Want to pick one for me?  _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ The one from the other day. The suction cap one. I liked watching you ride it _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Yeah? Want me to ride your big cock until I come? That sounds incredibly hot _

Roxas got the requested dildo from the toy box and lathered it with lube. Checking that it was firmly stuck to the floor, he gave it a few suggestive strokes before kneeling over it and slowly pushing the tip in. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Easy, baby. Take your time _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Teasingly slow?  _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Not too slow. I don’t think I can take much teasing  _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Anything you want _

He began taking the toy into his body, hips moving with slightly exaggerated motions as he worked the toy in further with every thrust down onto it. He had never tried coming without his erection being touched. This should be... interesting. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _  You have the cutest bellybutton _

Roxas burst out laughing at the ridiculous comment on such an insignificant part of his body. Who says something like that at a time like this? Roxas was kneeling, erection on display, dildo in his arse... and this guy liked his bellybutton? 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You are cute when you laugh _

Roxas tried to get his giggles under control, trying to focus on the task at hand. A few giggles bubbled out as he resumed the movement of his hips, taking a few thrusts down to find his rhythm again.

He cleared his mind of everything except his mysterious redhead. Imagining the man was under him, lying back and watching Roxas ride him. His hands grazed over his body, everywhere he wished the redhead to touch. Down his neck, down his chest, his hands itched to wrap around his cock and stroke. But he didn’t. Roxas liked his fantasy of the redhead not touching him where he wanted it most, making Roxas earn it. Waiting until Roxas had brought the man right to the brink of orgasm before touching his need.

Delightful buzzing pulsed through his veins. Muscles in his stomach tightened bringing his climax closer. 

A few small sounds escaped him and suddenly he couldn’t remember if the microphone was turned off, but couldn’t bring himself to care too much at that particular moment. He was feeling far too wonderful with the heat building in his body in the most frustratingly pleasant way. 

He slid one hand over his oiled thigh, dragging it up and between his legs to fondle his testicles. His mouth fell open and heavy panting spilt out as white-hot jolts of pleasure joined the intensifying heat in his gut. 

A few more thrusts of the toy against his prostate and the world turned fuzzy as the heat radiated out all through his body. Come landed on his stomach and on the floor, narrowly missing the laptop keys. 

Panting and thoroughly spent, Roxas lifted himself from the toy and sat heavily on the cool wood floor in front of it. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Holy fucking... Do you make house calls? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _  Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it probably sounded. _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I didn’t mean that in a paying you kind of way _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ It’s ok. I know you didn’t mean it that way _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Phew _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ But no. No house calls. I’m not a doctor _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Naughty nurse? _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Send me a photo one day. If you’re cute I’ll be whatever you want _

That unfortunately sounded more whorish than Roxas would have liked. At the same time, he was pretty curious about this sweet guy. Roxas knew that his luck was never good enough that this guy would be attractive, and if by some unlikely chance he  _ was _ attractive, then what? The guy would realise Destiny wasn't real and that would be the end of that.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Maybe next time I’ll give you something to jerk off to _

Roxas raised an eyebrow, expecting to be sent yet another picture of someone’s dick. He definitely expected better form this guy. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Damn it! I did it again, didn’t I? _

Roxas nodded before realising the guy couldn't see the action.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Nothing creepy, I swear! No dick pics unless you ask for one and even then you probably wouldn’t get one. I meant just a normal fully clothed photo _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Relax. I’ll never ask you for anything like that. I’m naked enough for the both of us ;) _

What was Hot.Stuff so worried about? As long as he kept paying, Destiny wasn’t going anywhere. The guy could be short, fat, and ugly with a dick like a Keno pencil and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference to Destiny. It was sort of sweet though.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Sorry for wrecking the mood. You are so hot it makes me stupid. _

Roxas chortled to himself.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ No need to apologise. It’s flattering that I can make you that stupid _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Yeah well... I’m glad I don’t know you in real life or I’d never be able to function normally ever again _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I could live with that. I’d find some use for you ;) _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You’re a tease. A dirty rotten tease _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Yeah, but you love it _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Damn it, I do *sigh* _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Hey, if I thought of something that I want you to use can I post it to you? _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Depends what it is. If it is a toy or costume, just send me a link and I’ll buy it. If it is something a bit more specific, like your clothes, then it would have to be posted.  _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _...People send you their clothes?  _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ You’d be surprised at the weird things I get asked to do, clothes don’t phase me. Doesn’t even rank in the top 50 weird things. I usually say no, but for you, I’ll make an exception.  _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Clothes didn’t even cross my mind. Why would I want you dressed?  _

That made Roxas smile and want to say “Aww how precious”. Clothing requests were usually, “Wear this underwear while you jack off and then post them back”. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I was thinking of toys. I will send a link if I find something _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Can’t wait to find out what you pick for me _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I better go. I’ll talk to ya on Friday  _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Alright. Talk to you then XOX  _

Roxas signed out and closed his laptop. He was never going to be able to look at that redhead without blushing ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, cream_pudding, for being my lovely beta


	3. Chapter 3 - Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas finally learns the redhead's name

Another week, another class spent staring at an array of spiky red hair. Roxas remembered to periodically take notes with the assistance of Riku and a few sharp elbows to the ribs. With mid-semester assignments and exams coming up, he was trying to pay more attention in class and stop daydreaming. Concentration was never a problem in any of his other classes due to the absence of a certain enthralling redhead. 

To his right, Riku was diligently taking notes, it seemed as though he would be borrowing them again that day. Riku may have been right about his grades slipping if he kept eyeing the sexy stranger, rather than paying attention. Not that Roxas would  _ ever _ tell Riku he could be right. The man had an ego the size of a small country and would gloat if he was right. Roxas didn’t want to give his friend the satisfaction. 

The lesson only had 20 minutes remaining, so he abandoned his notetaking - or lack thereof - in favour of his new favourite past time; watching the sexy redhead. He saw the man lean towards his friend and speak quietly every now and again. Long red spikes swayed gently every time the man moved his head. Roxas had the sudden urge to walk over and touch that glorious hair. Would it feel as soft as it looked? Hair like that must look good in the morning all dishevelled from sex... with love bites down the pale, slim neck -

“Roxas,” the professor addressed him in a booming voice, scaring him out of his daydream. “You will be teamed up with... Demyx for the assignment, “ the man said, checking his list and continued to pair up the students.

_ Fuck _ ! Assignment? When did that happen? Roxas didn’t remember reading that in the curriculum! He was sure this class had an exam, not an assignment.

The cute redhead and his blond friend turned around to look at Roxas. The blond nodded at him. That must be Demyx then. Damn it. Why couldn't he be partnered with the delicious redhead? Not that drooling over the man would have earned him any marks, probably would have the added disadvantage of repelling him. The redhead didn’t turn back around when his friend did. The man’s gaze lingered over Roxas - apparently mentally undressing him. With a smile, the man turned back to the front of the room leaving Roxas with butterflies. 

Those eyes... those were the most beautiful eyes Roxas had ever seen. Sparkling emerald green. How had he not noticed  _ those  _ before? Oh right, because Roxas was too chicken shit to even go near the guy.

Time moved quickly after that. He forced himself to concentrate for the remainder of the lesson. Roxas waited to talk to Demyx and exchange contact details after class finished. His heart hammered in his chest. The redhead stayed close to the blond with the mullet hybrid. That hairstyle was even stranger up close. 

“Hey,” Roxas greeted Demyx and the handsome redhead nervously.

“Hey,” Demyx greeted cheerfully. “You’re Roxas, right?”

Roxas nodded and handed over a piece of paper with his email address and phone number on it. “That’s my number and stuff. I work most afternoons, but let me know when you’re able to meet up and we’ll get started.” He kept his voice even and eyes off the redhead. If he didn't look he couldn't stare. 

“Uh, I guess Saturday would be OK, or Friday morning,” the dirty-blond replied looking off at a distant point on the ceiling while he thought.

“Both of those are fine with me.”

“Alright.” Demyx ripped a piece of paper from his notebook and jotted down an address and phone number. “Nine o'clock Friday morning at mine.”

“What was the topic again?” Roxas asked. Demyx didn’t have to know he zoned out for most of the lesson.

“Destiny,” Demyx replied.

Was Demyx calling him Destiny or was that the topic?

“Destiny?”

“Yeah, that’s our topic,” Demyx informed with a smile.

Of course, it was...

“Right,” Roxas mumbled. He noticed the sexy redhead’s eyes had glazed over, thoughts a million miles away. “OK, I have to get going. I’ll see you Friday morning,” he said, slipping the piece of paper into his pocket.

“OK,” Demyx grinned. “See you then.” He elbowed the tall redhead in the stomach to get his attention.

“What?” the redhead snapped.

Demyx sighed and rolled his eyes. “We have to get to class. Wake up.”

“Right,” the redhead said, coming out of his daze. His eyes fell on Roxas and a slow grin bloomed on his face. “Well hello there, cutie. I’m Axel.”

“Hi, Axel.” Oh, that was a nice name... Aaaaxel...  _ Nnngh! Axel! _ Definitely a good name to moan. He fought down a blush and gave the redhead a small smile.

“We have class. Chat him up later. Say ‘goodbye, Roxas’,” Demyx said, starting to drag his friend away.

“Goodbye,  _ Roxas _ ,” Axel smirked and gave Roxas one last scan with his eyes before being dragged out of the room.

Roxas stood stunned for a few moments. He had never heard his name said like that before... Like it was a sinfully erotic word. He shook himself out of his train of thought and went home to shower and change clothes before work.

-o.0.o-

Since he had started webcamming, Roxas had discovered how few fetishes translated through a webcam. He was able to cater to sight and sound, but touch, taste and smell were almost impossible. Some research into how he could get around touch had revealed that toys existed which could be remotely operated. That opened up a few different options for him to look into, sometime in the future.

He set up the lights, toys, and his clothes ready for today’s group session. He decided to forgo the majority of his clothes, opting for board shorts instead. All he really did was hop straight out of the shower and put shorts on, leaving the water droplets clinging naturally to his skin.

Sometimes it could become tedious to perform or Roxas just really wasn’t in the mood to get off. During exam time it was the best stress relief available. It also had the perk of allowing him to procrastinate study for an hour or so. He tried to allot an hour and a half, to two hours per day, for webcamming when he was stressed.

Lucky for his clients Roxas was in the mood today. Definitely one of his better moods. As soon as he was signed in and the camera was on, people began flooding in. The counter had already hit 25 after a minute. So far no regulars, but there was still plenty of time for them to sign in as well.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Hey everyone! How are you all today? _

A sudden deluge of messages flooded in – a deluge by Roxas’ standards. Popular camboys could have hundreds of clients signed in. He didn't have anything close to that. Roxas wasn’t quite sure how, but word seemed to be spreading about him. He didn’t promote himself at all, however, the homepage of the website had his profile up on the front page since he was currently connected. So he assumed that’s how the majority of his clients found him.

He wasn’t used to having so many people watching. Not that people watching made him nervous – watching was the entire point after all. The main issue was that he was just a nice boy at heart, and wanted to reply to everyone. But it was impossible given the speed by which the messages were popping up.

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ is ur sound broken? _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Not at all DarkBreak. You will hear plenty. I’m just waiting to see if someone can convince me to talk ;) _

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ oh, a tease r u? _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I believe I’ve been called that before _

Now, why would he just give everyone everything that they wanted? There would be no incentive for them to book private sessions.

An article in the paper had proven all Roxas’ boundaries justified. A girl who made her money from webcamming was being kicked out of university when word got out about her shows. Roxas didn’t want to be kicked out of university. He webcammed to  _ pay _ for university, so he was  _ very  _ careful to hide his identity. No one was going to see his face or hear his voice. Well, at least not his real voice.

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ definitely a tease _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ What would you like me to do, Waterboy? _

Roxas was often curious about some of the screen names. Was Waterboy into ‘water sports’, or did he actually just like water? He was too afraid to ask, in case it was the former. Now there was a fetish Roxas had no desire to participate in. Hard limit.

The counter climbed to 38 and a few requests to see his feet came in. After thorough research, foot fetishes were something he was more comfortable with. He sat on the wood floor, soles of his feet touching in front of him.

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ have water nearby? _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I have a water bottle _

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ pour it on yourself _

Relief washed over Roxas. The guy liked  _ water _ . That was so much better than Roxas had suspected. Not that he had much to go on, Waterboy usually stayed quite.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ All of it or just a bit? For all of it, I’d have to put something down so my equipment won’t get _ _  
_ _ damaged _

**_Waterboy_ ** _ : just a little bit. Want to see it trickle down your body _

Just to be on the safe side Roxas placed the towel he kept nearby underneath him. He unscrewed the bottle cap and poured roughly a quarter of it over his chest. The chilled water left a trail of goosebumps over his skin.

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ ohhhh pretty _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ So water’s your thing. How about we try a session from my bathtub sometime _

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ reallly? That would be great! _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ ugh you’re here? _

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ where are you? I didn’t hear you come in! _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ where do you think I am, a public library? _

What?

**_Destiny:_ ** _ You two know each other? _

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ roommates _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ why don’t we have a camera on you two? Could be fun _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ No! No no no no. I much prefer the camera on you _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Why not both? Don't want to let me see any sexy stuff? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Nothing sexy happening here *shudders* _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ That’s a shame. I guess the sexy stuff will have to happen here instead _

Roxas pulled at the cords on the front of his board shorts. Nice... and... slowly. Plucking the tie undone until the top of his shorts loosened enough to reveal light blond curls. They would almost be too faint to see if it weren’t for the extra lighting Roxas had set up.

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ finally _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Am I moving too slow for you, DarkBreak? _

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ yeh _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Easily fixed. You just have to tell me what you want _

He got onto knees and tugged shorts down a few inches at a time before pulling them right off - a skill which required practice and balance. With a bit of lubricant, he was able to awaken his barely half-erect penis.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ What do you want me to do, DarkBreak? _

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ dunno. this is my 1 _ _ st _ _ time on anything like this. do what you’d usually do _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I can do that _

He continued to stroke himself erect as requests came in; mostly the usual for putting something in himself and a very odd request to insert a banana.

Roxas decided to get the ball rolling. He sat at one of his tape markings, legs either side of the laptop and leaned back on one hand to prop himself up. Adding more lube to his hand, he lightly traced over the head of his erection, then down the underside. His fingers left a glistening trail over his sac as they headed to their target destination. His fingers circled the ring of muscle, spreading the lubricant. He was already stretched out, always doing it in the shower beforehand. This was just for show. That and lubricant.

Looking over the toys he’d selected, he didn’t know what he was in the mood for. He sat up to type with his clean hand.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Requests? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ plug _

**_Fair_Game:_ ** _ more fingers _

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ ice cubes _

What?

Not particularly keen on... well, whatever he was supposed to do with ice cubes, he opted for putting warming lube on his fingers and pushed them one by one inside himself. The lube created a lovely warm tingling as he spread it around his inner walls. That stuff really was the best thing for tricking his body into being more desperate than it was.

Looking over the toys again, it was much easier to make a decision. He picked up one of the thicker prostate massagers, slicked it up and slid it inside. Positioning the smooth curved tip at his prostate he turned the vibration on low to start. Toes curled, back arched delightful quiver shot through as his body reacted to the new vibrating sensation.

He leaned right back on one hand, while the other moved the toy in small circles. He let go of the base of the toy and began stroking his now rock-hard erection. He angled his hips a little, trying to make up for the lack of a free hand. It wasn’t pushing against his sweet spot as hard as he would have liked, but turning the vibration up a notch helped a little.

**_Fair_Game:_ ** _ Closer. I want to watch you leak _

Roxas scooched closer to the laptop, slowing his strokes down, but making the pressure firmer. He could see and feel an excess of the clear fluid beading from his slit.

He swapped back to holding the toy, returning to moving it in circles and pushing it firmly against his prostate. His head dropped lazily against his shoulder, and he panted quietly as hips twitched with the basic instinct to thrust.

Pulsating heat pooled in his stomach, muscles tightened and waited for release. He swapped back to furiously stroke his shaft, bringing on his climax faster. He didn’t remember the room being so hot before, but he could feel the heat on his skin, in his body, coursing through his veins as beads of sweat ran down his chest.

Roxas hissed as his body hit its apex and released, quivering, throbbing. It was just enough warning to make sure he didn’t get come on the laptop again. Thick, white fluid dripped down his shafts, hand, and stomach.

When his senses returned he turned off the toy and removed it from his body. He took a moment to catch his breath before trying to force his relaxed muscles to move and sit up.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ *sigh* _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ What’s wrong? Wasn’t that good enough? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ It was good. Just wish it was Wednesday already _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ It’s Monday. You don’t have long to wait _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I hate waiting _

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ it’s true. Every Wednesday he runs home an hour before and locks himself in his room _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I’m going to kill you. RUN _

**_Waterboy:_ ** _ bye! _

What?... Right, well...

_ Wait, if they are in the same house why are they typing to each other? Weirdos _ ,’ Roxas thought.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I definitely still think it would be interesting to have cameras on those two _

**_Fair_Game:_ ** _ I’ll pass. I like the camera on you _

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ what now? _

Roxas’ eyes flicked over to the time at the bottom right of the screen. The session had gone surprisingly quickly today. His body was still relaxed and pleasantly tingling, so he figured that was a good time to stop.

If he was quick, Naminé would get home just after he got out of the shower. Dinner and TV sounded like a good end to the night.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Now I’m going to have a nice warm shower _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ What did you think? Are you going to come back and watch me again? _

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ yeh, I think so _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Good. Same time Friday, ok? _

**_DarkBreak:_ ** _ k _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ See you all again Friday. I’ll have something new to show you ;) _

Roxas liked Destiny to sign off with something witty or cute each time, but he was seriously beginning to run out of ideas. He gave the camera a peace sign with his still-come-covered hand. He really had to come up with something better.

He signed off and flopped down into his nest of pillows, wiping his hands on the towel, cleaning himself up. His body still felt too much like jelly for him to want to move, brain still fuzzy and pumped full of happy orgasm chemicals.

Peeling himself off the floor, he wrapped a towel around his waist – just in case – and headed to the bathroom for a warm shower. The feeling in his arse cheeks gradually returned after sitting far too long on the cold hard floor.

He just managed to shower and dress before Naminé came home. He even managed to greet her at the door.

“I saw Sora this afternoon,” she said with a smile as she gracefully walked to the kitchen, putting the plastic bags she was carrying down on the countertop. “He said you finally talked to that dreamy redhead.” Chuckling to herself she got two spoons from the cutlery drawer and held up a container of ice cream. “I’ll trade you ice cream for details,” she waved the container enticingly.

“Riku and Sora are such gossips,” Roxas huffed and followed Naminé onto the couch. “There really isn’t much to tell.” He accepted a spoon and dug into the ice cream. “He stood there like a brainless wonder and didn’t notice me until he was about to walk off. It could have gone better. ”

“And?” Naminé prompted, putting a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

“And he introduced himself and called me ‘cutie’ then left.” Roxas shrugged, licking ice cream off the spoon.

Naminé tensed up. “You didn’t punch him, did you?”

“Of course not,” Roxas rolled his eyes as Naminé released a long exhale and relaxed. “I was too busy freaking out.”

“Good. I thought you were going to mess up my plans of moving into the guest room when you two get married.”

“For the last time, you are not going to live in my house with your thirty sad-old-lady cats,” he waved his spoon threateningly.

“I’m sure... uh... dreamy redhead guy would let me.” Naminé tilted her head questioningly, “I can’t just call him that. What’s his name?”

“Axel.”

“Sexy name,” Naminé nodded approvingly.

“You have no idea,” Roxas stared off dreamily while licking his spoon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screen name guide
> 
> Xemnas - Superior_Mansex  
> Axel - Hot.Stuff  
> Demyx - Waterboy  
> Luxord - Fair_Game  
> Marluxia - i_put_the_sin_in_assassin  
> Riku - DarkBreak


	4. Chapter 4 - Get Your Geek On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas goes to Demyx's apartment to work on their assignment.

Nine o’clock Friday morning, Roxas drove over to Demyx’s apartment. His roommate had already left for class so they took up all the space in the lounge room to start their assignment. They only worked for an hour before Demyx convinced Roxas that they should have a break and go downstairs for coffee - Demyx wasn’t the most focused individual – and there was a coffee shop on the ground floor of the building.

It was one of those chain stores where it takes people a long time to say the whole name of the coffee they want. The type of place where they would stare at Roxas blankly if he just said: “flat white, thanks”. There were a few people there even at ten in the morning on a weekday, mainly hipster students needing a place to study, and get free WiFi and pretentious coffee.

Roxas ordered a skinny sugar-free vanilla latte. It wasn’t actually half bad and the brownie was good too. The products almost justifying their prices. 

Demyx was really nice, but easily excitable. He reminded Roxas a lot of Sora, his hyperactive brunet friend who latched on to Roxas first day of university and never let go. Not that Roxas minded. The bubbly brunet was a very loyal and caring person who turned into one of Roxas’ closest friends. Demyx seemed to have a similar personality. Roxas thought they would get along well.

While chatting, Roxas found out that Demyx was a music and teaching student. He had selected to specialise in special education. He could also play at least a dozen instruments and even wrote his own music and lyrics. Demyx promised to show Roxas his sitar when they went back to the apartment. Roxas was impressed and revealed his shortcomings of not having any musical talent or sense of rhythm. Demyx offered to teach him, but Roxas knew that wouldn’t be a good idea. He was too stubborn and lazy to learn an instrument. 

Axel’s name came up a few times. Demyx had said Axel was a microbiology student in the last year of his degree. He had been offered a position to be a TA next year if he decided to do his post-graduate degree at the same university. Roxas’ mind wandered to how hot it would be to take a biology class just so he could fuck the TA on a desk. Just bend Axel over and take him right there in a classroom. That would be so sexy...

When his mind made its way back to the present, Demyx was talking about a friend of his who Roxas had missed the name of. He watched Demyx’s arms flail as he talked spiritedly about this friend who was smart and doing a double major. 

They finished their coffee just before noon, then reluctantly headed back up to the apartment to work on the assignment. Roxas trowelled through various texts which showed up in the university library catalogue under the keyword ‘destiny’. It was almost enough to send him to sleep. 

Roxas startled when the apartment door flew open. 

“Dem, I’m back,” the flash of red and black said as it headed toward the kitchen. 

Roxas looked to Demyx for confirmation that he actually knew whoever just raced through the apartment. Demyx didn’t look worried, he just smiled and yelled back, “Hey, Ax.”

The redhead came into the lounge room and Roxas fought his body’s reflexive blush as memories of jerking off while thinking about said redhead arose. 

Damn it, why didn’t he dress nicer today? Why couldn’t Axel see him on a day he actually put some effort into his appearance?  “Are you two together?” Roxas blurted out. He groaned inwardly.Why wasn’t his brain working properly? 

Axel looked surprised then chuckled. “Roommates. I’m very single,” he winked. 

“Oh... Good,” Roxas replied before thinking. His brain eventually caught up and he realised what he said must have sounded bad to Axel. ”No! Not good like you should be single or anything, you shouldn’t. I meant... I have no idea what I meant. I’m just going to go back to the assignment and pretend this didn’t happen.” He silently cursed himself for not being able to hold his nerves together and forced his eyes back to his laptop screen. 

“You are frickin’  _ adorable _ ,” Axel said sitting on the lounge next to Roxas. He looked over the collection of papers and books the two blonds were surrounded by. “What’s your topic?”

“Destiny,” Roxas replied, not looking up from his laptop. Axel smelled so good and he was so close. Roxas would have been tempted to reach over and touched him if it wasn’t for the way his hands were embarrassingly shaking. 

“Huh, one of my favourite words.” 

_ That _ caught Roxas’ attention. He looked questioningly up from his laptop at Axel, hoping it was just his paranoia kicking in. 

“You know, Destiny. Like you being here and me having the rest of the day free,” Axel elaborated.

What the...? Did Axel like him? Surely not. Things didn’t happen like that in real life, just in movies and cheesy romance novels. People like Roxas never got noticed, especially not by people who looked like Axel. Things like this only happen to people who looked like Axel. 

Demyx sighed, “Fine, Roxas is free for the rest of the day too. We can pick this back up next week.” He closed some books and stacked them, clearly not expecting to get Roxas’ attention back at any point today.

Roxas checked the time on his laptop, “I have work in three hours.”

“I can work with that,” the redhead grinned. 

Roxas blinked slowly. What the fuck was happening here? The assignment wasn’t going to finish itself and Roxas really didn’t feel like having to work on it at home. 

“It’s too early in the day to take you for a drink, but how does ice cream sound?”

“Really?” Roxas looked at the redhead sceptically. 

“Don’t like ice cream?” Axel asked, confusion etched over his beautiful features. 

“I like ice cream... “ Roxas answered with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Good.“ Axel stood, patting his pockets to check for his keys, phone, and wallet. 

“But... “ Roxas’ eyes found Demyx’s. “Shouldn’t we – “

“No,”  Demyx cut him off. “Trust me, if Axel is set on taking you out, neither of us are gonna  get anything done until he gets his way.”

“It’s true,” Axel smiled and nodded. 

“I’ll work on my part and email it to you,” Demyx said, packing up papers that were scattered around the place. 

“I should have some time to work on it over the weekend.” Roxas started packing up his stuff, thoroughly confused as to why everything had to stop because Axel wanted his attention. They really had made a mess of the room. He should’ve been helping Demyx tidy up. “I don’t have class until mid-afternoon on Monday if you want to meet up again. My place should be empty Monday.”

“Can’t do Monday. How about Wednesday afternoon at the campus library?” Demyx asked going through the calendar on his phone. 

“I have work. Friday again?”

Demyx chuckled, “Yeah OK. We’ll work it out. We can exchange notes after class either Monday or Wednesday.”

“See, it’s destiny! We are both free right now,” Axel grinned. 

“Technically I wasn’t free. I’m still supposed to be doing homework.  _ Demyx _ said I was free.” Roxas checked his phone. “OK, we have two and a half hours until I have to head home. Are we driving or walking to the ice cream?”

“Uh, walk? It’s on the ground floor of the building. Driving would just be a waste.”

“OK. I’ll see you later Demyx. I might get some time to work on it tonight. I’ll see if I can get off early.” Roxas was pretty proud of that pun, shame no one else would understand it. 

“Not-“ Demyx started but was interrupted. 

“I’ll get you off by then,” Axel grinned, laughing to himself. 

“God, I should hope so. That’s  _ hours _ away,” Roxas countered, pretending not to still be nervous and confused. He put his bag over his shoulder and doubled checked that he had packed up all his materials. 

“Dem, I’m in love. Don’t expect me back anytime soon,” Axel fluttered his eyelashes and grinned at his roommate. 

Roxas’ stomach flipped and fluttered. He knew Axel was only joking and yet he blushed like a school girl anyway. 

Demyx sighed, “Well now you’ve done it, Roxas. All right, get out you two. I’m gonna watch a movie or something. If he isn’t back in forty-eight hours I’ll call you and see if you have him tied up somewhere, or ran him over with your car.”

“Or both,” Roxas shrugged as casually as he was capable at that moment. 

“I won’t want to be untied. Don’t interrupt us.” Axel waved at Demyx as he ushered Roxas out of the apartment and into the elevator. Axel pressed the button for the ground floor. “How come I haven’t noticed you before this week? Did you just change classes?”

“No, we’ve been in the same class since the start of the semester. Maybe it’s just that I’m not that noticeable,” Roxas shrugged, watching each floor number light up as the elevator descended. 

Axel snorted, “That’s definitely not it.”

“Because I’m short? You’re so freakishly tall that it would be easy to just look straight over my head,” Roxas shrugged, adjusting the strap of his messenger bag. 

“That must be it,”  Axel laughed. 

They exited the elevator and walked into the ice cream parlour. Roxas looked around the pastel coloured store. The large board told him his various dessert options, and the display case had at least twenty different types of ice cream. 

“Know what you want?” Axel asked as they approached the counter. 

Roxas knew he really shouldn’t be eating ice cream since he had already had ice cream with Naminé that week, but it all looked _ so good _ . “Mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone,” Roxas decided. “And I’m paying.”

Axel gave a short laugh. “You aren’t. I asked you out, I pay.”

His heart quickened and he tried not to think of the implications of the words Axel had just said. Roxas was determined to make the most of the situation before Axel changed his mind and found someone better looking or smarter. He’d probably be able to meet someone better right there in the ice cream shop in the middle of the day. 

But it was just him and Axel, and Axel’s better-than-porn voice. To say Roxas was nervous would be an understatement. His hands were shaky, palms sweaty, mouth dry, but Axel looked composed for the most part. Every now and again green eyes darted around the store almost nervously. Surely Axel wasn’t nervous. What would someone like Axel have to be nervous about? He was practically perfect. He probably was already looking for someone better. 

Axel ordered for both of them once he decided what he wanted and let Roxas pick a table. They sat by the shop window looking out onto the street. Roxas sat and racked his brain for something to say. He wanted to say something smooth or witty. Destiny would have been able to think of something smooth or witty. 

“You from Radiant Garden?” Axel asked, breaking Roxas out of his self-deprecating inner monologue. 

“Nah,” Roxas shook his head. “Moved here for university. You?”

Axel nodded. “Born and bred. Dem and I went to school together. Known each other for years.”

“Hey, what the hell is a sitar? He said he played it, but is it a game or something?” Roxas asked before licking his quickly melting ice cream. Having just spoken to Demyx about it, he knew a sitar was some kind of stringed instrument. But he lied and pretend not to know to get Axel talking. 

“It’s like a guitar but fucking weird. He picked it up when we moved in together. Came home one day and he was playing a giant penis.”

Roxas burst out laughing, almost spitting ice cream across the table. He quickly covered his mouth politely. “What?”

“It’s shaped like a dick and balls,” Axel shrugged and licked at his ice cream. 

“I have to see that,” Roxas giggled. “He said he would show me. I’ll make him stick to his word.”

“He’s actually really good, though... don’t tell him I said that. I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Roxas nodded, large goofy smile on his face. He was beginning to feel much more comfortable. “What flavour is that?” Roxas asked, eyeing Axel’s blue ice cream. 

“Sea salt. You’ve never had sea salt ice cream before?” Axel appeared shocked. 

Roxas shook his head. “Looks and sounds weird.”

“Lick it,” Axel held out his ice cream cone to Roxas. 

“I’m good thanks,” Roxas declined. “Don’t think it would go to well with mint.”

“Suit yourself. Next time I’ll get you one of these.” Axel seemed to realise what he said a split second later. He averted his eyes and rubbed at the back of his head bashfully. “Sorry. Presumptuous.”

Roxas shook his head quickly, “No, it’s fine. If you want to do this again I’d like that.”

Axel’s eyes widened in surprise and a small smile tugged at his lips. “Well all right then. When are you free again?”

“Uh,” Roxas went through his mental schedule. He wasn’t doing anything Saturday but that would look desperate to want to see Axel again so soon. Reminding himself to at least attempt to appear cool he answered, “I work most afternoons... and mid-semester assignments are almost due, but Wednesday or Friday in the middle of the day should be fine. Friday after I meet up with Demyx?” 

Axel’s smile grew. “Yeah, I’ll be around. Also, let me take you out for coffee after class Wednesday?”

“Is that a euphemism?”

“No, a beverage.”

Roxas smiled and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Coffee, Wednesday after class. As long as I leave by three o’clock.”

“Cool. It's a date.” Axel’s eyes grew wider. ”No, not a date like we’re dating. Not that I wouldn't want to take you on a date.” Axel muttered ‘idiot’ under his breath then cleared his throat. “What do you do for work?” he inquired, wiping melted ice cream from his hands on a napkin.

_ Fuck. Fuckity fuck.  _

“Hobbit porn,“ Roxas tried to dodge the question as calmly as possible as he licked his ice cream. 

Axel looked up from the table quickly. “What?”

With a cheeky smile and a shrug he replied, “I like giving everyone different answers, and I’m short enough to be a hobbit.”

“Why tell everyone something different?” 

“I’m not really that interesting so I make up silly answers. So far I’ve been a Nigerian Prince,  gynaecologist, astronaut, dog photographer, cat burglar who steals only cats, lawn jockey, pop star, death eater, shark trainer, professional basketball player, the Dalmatian at a fire station, and now a hobbit,” he ticked off each silly answer on his fingers. 

Honestly, Roxas just gave people silly answers until they stopped asking. It always did the trick to avoid any awkwardness or the truth. 

“I got stuck at gynaecologist,” red eyebrows knitted together. 

“Had to work out I was gay somehow, and what better way than having to stare at bajingos all day?” 

“Bajingos?” Axel repeated slowly before the realisation hit. “Oh, vaginas.” His eyes went wide as he slapped a hand over his mouth and quickly looked around to make sure no one else heard. His cheeks were an adorable shade of red when their eyes finally met again. 

“Yeah,” Roxas giggled and blushed. Axel was so cute. 

“That sounds like an awful job,” Axel wrinkled his nose in the most bewitching way Roxas had ever seen. 

“Someone’s gotta do it,” Roxas nodded solemnly before breaking out into a big grin. “How about you? What do you do?” 

“Nothing at the moment. Just studying full-time.” Axel fiddled with his napkin, tearing pieces every now and then.

“Any idea what you want to be when you grow up? Demyx mentioned that you were offered a job at the university.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if I want it,” Axel shrugged, watching his hands continue to tear the napkin into tiny pieces. 

“Oh, why?”

“Don’t think I’d like teaching. I’d rather go into research,”  he shrugged one slim shoulder. 

“They both sound interesting to me. I used to want to be a high school teacher but high school students changed my mind about that. My friends, Riku and Sora, are doing their teaching degrees. That’s how I ended up in an English literature class. Riku wanted to take the class but Sora didn’t and I really needed a few extra credits,” Roxas shrugged. 

“Dem made me take the class with him. What’s your degree?” Axel asked quietly. 

“Bachelor of journalism. My minor is media. I really don’t have a clue what I want to do with the degree when I’m finished. Still have a year and a half to decide, I guess.”

“Gonna be a hotshot news reporter and travel the world and all that?”

Roxas snorted, “Hell no. I’d never be able to handle being on TV.”

“Have time to come back up for a bit?” Axel asked now Roxas had finished his ice cream and was cleaning off his hands. 

Roxas checked the time. He still had close to two hours before he had to be back home to get ready for work.  _ He _ was having a good time but Axel seemed... bored or nervous. Perhaps just nervous. If Axel was bored he wouldn’t have asked Roxas back up to the apartment. But why did he ask Roxas up? Roxas wasn’t sure how he’d feel about Axel propositioning him. 

He decided to take a chance anyway. Something about Axel’s demeanour didn’t indicate that Axel thought they were about to have sex. 

“Sure. I still have time.”

“Cool. Something you said earlier makes me think I have some stuff you might like to see.” Axel cleared his shredded napkin pieces into a nearby bin and led Roxas back to the elevator. 

“What do you want to show me?” Roxas queried as the doors shut and the elevator began travelling up. 

“You’ll see. I hope I’m reading you right,” Axel smiled softly. 

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “Should I be nervous?”

“No, nothing like that. I’d at least want to take you on a date or two before  _ that _ ,” Axel winked. 

Roxas’ stomach was performing a gold medal worthy floor gymnastics routine. He was relieved when the elevator doors opened, it meant he didn’t have to find something to say to Axel’s statement. He was pleased Axel didn’t just want sex, but also a bit disappointed as well. Between work and class, he didn’t really have a lot of free time and he seriously doubted Axel would still want to date him if he knew about the webcamming. Still, he wanted Axel to like him, to want him like him he wanted Axel. 

When they walked back into the apartment, Demyx was lounging on the couch and watching a movie. He seemed surprised to see Roxas back again, but said nothing. 

Axel led Roxas down a small hallway and opened the first door on the right and walked in. Roxas followed anxiously, knowing that the room was most likely Axel’s bedroom. He peered around the room. There was no sex dungeon or anything else that would have made Roxas want to run away screaming. The room contained a large bed, a few bookshelves, a small desk, and a few video game related posters on the wall. The space was fairly tidy with only a few books out of place. 

“You mentioned Death Eaters before,” Axel beckoned Roxas over by crooking a finger. He pulled a few rectangular boxes down from the top shelf of his bookcase and opened the boxes for Roxas to see. 

Roxas’ eyes went a fraction wider. “Are those... ?” 

“Mhmm. Replicas of some of the Harry Potter wands. Still need a few more. Mostly just the professors and minor characters I still need.” Axel watched Roxas carefully, waiting for a reaction. 

“Can I touch one?” Roxas asked eagerly. 

“Of course. Whichever you want.”

Roxas felt a little giddy. His inner nerd was very excited about the movie paraphernalia and keenly picked up the replica of Draco Malfoy’s wand. He couldn’t help the wide goofy grin that spread across his face. 

Axel had just got so much more attractive.

“This is so cool,” Roxas looked at the wand with reverence, then smiled up at Axel. 

“Thought you might like them,” Axel smiled. 

“Is this it, or do you have a collection of robes hidden away in the cupboard?”

Axel hesitated, “...No.”

“Ha! You do, don’t you?” Roxas giggled. “All right, which house are you?”

“Well, I’d hope for Gryffindor, but with my luck, I’d be Hufflepuff.”

“What’s wrong with being loyal?” Roxas carefully put the wand back in its box. 

“Nothing. But I’d rather be brave than loyal,” Axel shrugged putting the box back on the shelf. “You?” 

“Oh, which house? Uh, Slytherin if I get to choose. Those stupid online quiz things always put me in Gryffindor.”

“Slytherin? But why? No one wants to be in Slytherin.”

“Exactly. The whole time those students are there, they are told Slytherin is bad and everyone in it is bad. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Why make the effort to do good when you are always told you’ll end up bad? The kids are in there because of their bloodline, they can’t help that.” Roxas gave a bashful smile. “I tend to support the underdog.”

Axel seemed to ponder Roxas’ words for a moment. “Damn you and your logic.”

“In the end, even Draco was redeemable.”

Axel sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his forehead. “That’s just mean... “

Roxas put his bag down and rocked on the balls of his feet, chuckling. “Sorry. I can try again if you like. Gryffindor. Because I’m a brat who thinks I’m above the rules and want to drag everyone else down with me.”

Axel narrowed his eyes playfully. “Them’s fightin’ words. You’re just lucky you’re cute or you’d be in big trouble.”

“Yeah?” Roxas snorted. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I’ll get you back eventually. We should have a movie marathon. Watch all eight movies, back-to-back,” Axel suggested. 

“Is that supposed to be my punishment? Because that’s pretty weak,” Roxas playfully jeered. 

“I’ll get you on Monday or Wednesday. You won’t expect it by then,” he shook his index finger in a scolding fashion. 

Roxas chuckled and sat on the bed next to Axel. “You just told me to expect it. You really aren’t very good at this, are you? Need some help? Hmm.” He tapped his chin in thought. “I really don’t like clowns, beans, rats, bugs, spiders, or people who whistle. I hate heights, being alone... . Oh, and needles. I really hate needles.”

“So I can just drop an ant in your coffee?” 

“Woah, mean. Poor ant.”

“I’ll make sure it was a bad ant who had it coming,” Axel chuckled. 

“What could an ant have done to deserve drowning in coffee... . Actually, that sounds like an OK way to go. Sign me up.”

“You’re a bit weird, aren’t you?” Axel said with a raised eyebrow. 

Roxas smiled and laughed. “Yeah, a bit. It works for me.”

“That it does,” Axel agreed. “Luckily I like weird, and even if I didn’t you are cute as a button so I wouldn’t even notice.” One long slender finger poked Roxas’ nose. 

Roxas scowled and rubbed his nose. “Cute isn’t good. Puppies and kittens are cute. Pandas sneezing are cute. Old people holding hands are cute.”

Axel grinned and bumped his shoulder against Roxas’. “I have a variety of words that could describe you, but I thought that ‘cute’ would sound a little less intense than telling you how sexy you are. I’ll try not to call you cute again. Which will be hard because you really, really are... even though you are looking at me like you want to castrate me.”

“I won’t, but only because you bought me ice cream.”

“Sweet tooth, huh? That knowledge might come in handy if I ever screw up one day. I can buy you ice cream until you like me again.”

Roxas tried to fight off the blush that he felt was certainly tinting his cheeks. He bit his lip and tried to look unfazed by Axel’s flirting, even though it made him giddy with happiness. If the redhead found out just how close they were to Roxas pushing him down on the bed and fucking his brains out, he’d never make it out of the apartment with any dignity left. He wanted to take this new information home and sort out his feelings about it carefully. 

His stupid libido was making it too hard to think right now. 

“Aww you are blushing! Damn you are cu-“ Axel stopped himself as Roxas narrowed his eyes. “Currently so sexy,” he winked. 

Roxas couldn’t help but smile and roll his eyes. “Nice save.”

“I know. You almost found out that I thought you were cute. Lucky I’m quick like a keeper.” Axel laughed and leaned back on his hands. “You know, like a quidditch keeper.”

Roxas snorted. “You are – “

“Hilarious? Irresistible? Smoking hot?” Axel butted in. 

Roxas blinked slowly in disbelief. “I was going to say unbelievable or ridiculous. But sure, whatever makes you happy, I guess.”

“Ha! You think I’m cute,” Axel beamed. 

“Yeah, you got me. I usually agree to go out for ice cream with people I’m not remotely interested in,” Roxas deadpanned. 

“Boop,” Axel poked Roxas’ nose. “Knew I could make you like me. Thought it would take longer though.”

Roxas swat Axel’s hand away. “Stop that or I’ll change my mind.”

“But it makes you pull adorable faces.” Axel poked Roxas’ nose one more time for good measure. 

“OK. Changed my mind,” Roxas teased. “I’m gonna go now.” Trying to keep a straight face, he made a move to stand, but paused when a warm hand wrapped around his. 

“Roxas,” the redhead whined, “don’t go yet. I’ll be good. I promise.” The pout on his face made him look just woeful enough to win Roxas over. “At least stay for a little while longer and watch Dem play his sitar.”

“I – “ he cleared his throat trying to make his voice stronger. Axel’s reaction had surprised him and the skin-to-skin contact made him melt. “I can stay. I was just joking.” 

The pout left Axel’s face, but Roxas still felt a little guilty for putting it there in the first place. 

“Phew... ,” Axel relaxed his grip on Roxas’ hand, but still held it. He rested his forehead on the blond’s shoulder and exhaled heavily. “You’re a jerk. That was mean.”

Roxas pat the top of Axel’s head. “It’s OK. Now that I know you’re a little slow, I’ll make sure I’m obvious when I’m joking.” He smiled softly and fought the urge to kiss the top of Axel’s head or inhale his scent. “Come on. Let’s go see if Demyx will play for me.”

Axel nodded and they headed into the lounge room and asked Demyx to play a song for Roxas. Demyx happily obliged and raced off to get his sitar. When Demyx returned he indulged them with a few popular songs, which in Roxas’ opinion, should never have been mixed with a sitar. Regardless of what Roxas thought about the instrument, the man was very good. Also he observed with amusement that Axel had been spot on with his description of the instrument; it definitely looked like a cock and balls. 

After the music was over, it was time for Roxas to leave. He said his goodbyes at the door, but Axel followed him out and insisted on walking him to the car. He lingered at the rolled down window and reminded Roxas that they would get coffee on Wednesday after class. Axel seemed to actually like him, as utterly impossible as that would have sounded even just one day ago. He pushed the key into the ignition, cleared his mind, and drove home.

He didn’t allow himself to think until he was safely in his bedroom. It had been such a strange day. When he got up this morning he never would have expected to see Axel, let alone hang out with him. It had been fun, but now he wanted Axel more than before and not necessarily in a sexual way. Of course he still did, but Axel was as much of a fanboy as he was, if not more so, and that made his nerdy little heart flutter. 

Axel had brightened significantly between the ice cream parlour and his room. The bright smiles Roxas received were addictive. He had such a beautiful smile, beautiful laugh... Roxas really wanted to see more of both of those things. He had a really good time and it seemed like Axel did too. 

There was something comfortable and effortless in their banter. Axel was so much more personable than Roxas had expected. He had no issue with the man’s great self-confidence. In fact, he found it endearing. Axel was gorgeous after all. What the man saw in him he didn’t know, but flirting and getting to know each other was fun. Axel wasn’t what Roxas had expected, in the best way possible. 

Perhaps asking Axel on a date would be ok after all. He could test the waters as to Axel’s opinions about webcamming. It would be great if Axel wouldn’t mind his job. It was just a job after all. And if they got to the point that the relationship was getting serious,  _ then  _ he would tell Axel. He didn’t want to be dishonest, but telling Axel straight away would likely be their downfall before anything had a chance to happen between them. 

Roxas felt certain that a relationship – or at least a friendship – would definitely be worth pursuing with Axel. 

 


	5. Chapter 5 - One Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite exams approaching, Roxas and Axel spend their free time together.
> 
> Fluff ahead.

Mid-afternoon on  Monday , Roxas saw Axel in class and for the first time, Axel actually  _ saw _ him too. He was waved over to where Axel and Demyx sat in their regular seats. It took a moment to convince Riku to follow him over to the empty seats next to the beckoning redhead. Riku sat on the other side of Roxas and politely greeted the two strangers. Roxas knew Riku was curious about his new friends and Sora would have ordered a full report to be delivered after class.

Roxas found it easier to concentrate on the lecture now that he was unable to stare directly at Axel. Didn’t stop him from sneaking glances and a few times he even caught Axel peeking back. The first few times Axel looked away quickly, returning his eyes to the projection screen. Then after a few more glances, he didn’t seem to mind anymore. They held each other’s gaze for a few moments before smiling and returning to the lecture. 

He had never noticed how close together the seats were; he could feel the heat radiating from Axel’s body. And whether Axel’s legs were too long for the space between the rows, or it was deliberate, their legs touched. Roxas didn’t remember that ever happening with Riku. He wanted to believe it was deliberate because that would be nice. It had been a long time since Roxas had let anyone get close to him like this. Physical contact with someone who wasn’t just a platonic friend was electric and addictive. 

At the end of the lecture, it took a while for either of them to move. Moving would mean having to part. But they did because they had to.

Roxas offered to drive Axel home, which was dumb since Axel had obviously driven to university. But he fixed the problem by throwing his keys to Demyx asking him to drive the car home. Roxas stood smiling like an idiot until Riku shoved him into Axel so he could get past them. Axel caught him, wrapping his arms around Roxas’ waist firmly and for longer than necessary. 

Demyx turned away quickly, saying goodbyes over his shoulder as he retreated. 

Axel slowly let go of Roxas and Roxas reluctantly stepped back. 

“Sorry,” Roxas cleared his throat. “Riku is a jerk. Let’s get going.”

“Have time before work to hang out again?” Axel held the door open for Roxas. 

Roxas walked through the door, checking his phone for the time. “About half an hour.”

“Good enough,” Axel grinned, following Roxas. 

“What do you want to do?” 

“Whatever you like.”

“Well...,” a smile slowly grew, “I haven’t had lunch yet and there’s a new bakery I really want to try. Naminé has been too busy with her major art project to come with me. So, care to have lunch with me?”

“Sure. Who’s Naminé?”

“My roommate and best friend.”

“Oh she’s your Demyx,” Axel nodded in understanding. “So, she’s an art major?”

“Yeah. Wants to be a curator in a gallery.” Roxas got his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his car as they approached.  

“And she’s an artist herself?”

“Mhmm. She’s really good.” He opened the car door and got in. 

Axel hesitantly got in the passenger seat. “This is your car?”

“Yeah... why? Something wrong?”

“No, it’s just really nice,” Axel shrugged and fastened his seatbelt. 

“She wasn’t when I bought her. She was a hunk of crap that’s cost me a fortune to fix up.”

Roxas loved his car. He got a great deal on his convertible Audi A3 when he moved here because it had some mechanical problems and it was a few years old. But he’d fixed all the problems slowly since then and now it ran great.The car had a few scratches in the black paint and a few chips on the bonnet from stones. But he loved his car. In summer he could drive along the coast with the top down - if it didn't jam, which it occasionally did - and smell the sea air and it smelled like where he used to call home. 

Axel looked around the car, fiddling with buttons and knobs that didn’t do anything while the car was still off. 

Roxas chuckled and turned the car on. “Better?”

“Yep.” Now Axel could make the power windows move and change the volume of the music. He skipped through tracks trying to find something on Roxas’ playlist that he liked. 

“Do you want to connect your phone so you can listen to your own music?”

“Oh. Uh yeah. Yeah, that would be cool. How do I do that?”

“It’s just Bluetooth.” A few button presses on the car and Roxas got Axel’s phone connected. He stared at the display screen as though it was to blame for the sudden assault on his ears. “Your music is... unique.”

“Reflects me well, don’t you think?”

Roxas chuckled and reversed out of the parking space. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

During the drive to the bakery, Axel asked a lot of questions, mostly about Roxas’ friends. Roxas took this as a good sign that Axel wanted to know about his life. He was relieved. Axel could be hard to read at times, but it did seem like he was still interested in Roxas. 

They got to the bakery and ordered cake and coffee and found a table while their order was being prepared. Roxas was still talking about his friends. 

Axel was restless and quiet, looking around every so often, slouching in the chair then sitting up straight a moment later.  

Roxas didn’t know what to make of Axel’s body language and silence. He put it down to nerves. They still didn’t know each other all that well. Roxas was still a bit nervous himself. 

After cake and coffee, Roxas took Axel home before heading home for work. A large smile was plastered on his face for the whole drive because Axel had hugged him. 

-o.0.o-

Roxas and Riku sat with Axel and Demyx again in their  Wednesday lecture. Roxas was once again able to concentrate for the most part. Every few minutes he would take a quick peek at Axel or try and watch him in his periphery. And once again Axel would be doing the same. The deliberate body contact from arms and legs against each other was almost enough to fry Roxas’ brain. 

After class let out, Axel took him for coffee. The unfortunately not euphemistic coffee Axel and Roxas had arranged that day in the ice cream parlour. They sat at the campus cafe drinking mid-quality coffee while stressing about exams. Most of the tables were empty, now the lunch rush was over. 

Roxas had a few hours before work and decided to forgo study time in favour of spending more time with Axel. 

“Sure you don’t mind missing out on study time?” Axel’s hands curled around his coffee cup. 

“Positive. I spent hours at the library with Naminé, Olette, Riku and Sora yesterday. Pence managed to escape somehow... that bastard. I would much rather be right here.”

“OK,” Axel smiled softly, eyes set on his coffee. “You seem very calm. How do you keep so calm?”

Roxas chuckled. He didn’t think that telling Axel that he relieved stress by getting off to strangers watching him getting off. Not just yet anyway. 

“I’m... OK. I have Naminé to nag me into studying and there’s plenty of fun ways to relieve stress.” A suggestive smirk and a wink got Axel’s attention. 

“Yeah?” Axel raised an eyebrow. “Care to share your methods?”

“Well, a long hot bath helps. Sometimes I like to go for a swim.” Roxas sipped his coffee. “Naminé swears by dark chocolate.”

“I thought you were going to suggest sex.”

“I might if I was getting any.” Roxas ran his finger around the rim of his cup, absently. “I wouldn’t know. Ask Riku. Although at this time of the semester Sora is usually busy trying to eat his body weight worth of lollies and chips. So Maybe Riku isn’t getting any either. That does make me feel better... “

Axel laughed into his cup as he took a sip. “That’s not very nice.”

“Riku and I have a strange friendship. Why, do you cheer Demyx on every time he gets laid?” 

“Definitely not. But he’s only dating his hand and naked people on the internet. It’s bad enough I know when he jerks off.”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah, that’s pretty weird...”

Axel shrugged. “Curse of having a roommate.”

Roxas' eyes widened as a horrible thought came to him, “You don’t think...  _ Naminé  _ would...,” he shook his head. “No, she wouldn’t.”

By now Axel was near hysterics; face red and bent over the table laughing. “Oh honey... ,” he gasped for air and tried to calm himself. He seemed to notice people looking at him and quietened down a little. “You are just the sweetest. Hate to burst your bubble, but girls do it too.”

“No.  _ No.  _ She wouldn’t,” Roxas insisted. “Girls don’t do that. You’re a liar. Shut up.”

Axel chuckled. “Fine. Believe whatever you like.” He paused for a moment as a cheeky grin appeared on his lips. “Have you and Naminé ever... you know?” 

A horrified expression crossed Roxas’ face. This was mortifying. “No. Just friends and she is a  _ girl _ . That last part is pretty important. And she’s... Naminé. She’s like my sister.”

“When do I get to meet her?” Axel finished his coffee. The mug clattered as he set it down. 

“Oh. Well, soon I guess. Probably best to leave it until after exams. She’s pretty stressed at the moment. Why?” Roxas tilted his head curiously, trying to figure out what Axel was up to. 

“Just want to meet her. You talk about her a lot.” 

A large group of weary students entered the cafe. They began pulling tables together, making loud grating noises as the bases slid across the tiled floor. 

Roxas already missed the quiet of just the two of them. He sighed and sipped his coffee. “We’re having a group study session in the library again tomorrow if you want to join. None of us are studying the same classes, but Naminé will be there.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Axel shifted in his chair to sit up straight, eyes on Roxas’ hands. 

“I know that doesn’t exactly sound fun, but that’s just how it is until the end of next week.” Roxas finished his coffee and pushed the cup towards the middle of the table. 

Axel’s demeanour had changed. He was no longer still or smiling. He seemed to be refusing to make eye contact. Roxas wasn’t sure if he had said something wrong. Did Axel think he was being pushy? He wasn’t trying to be. 

“It’s OK. I have to study anyway.” Axel tapped his fingers on the table top restlessly. “I'll come.”

Roxas was relieved. Maybe he was just reading the signs wrong. 

“Cool. Olette booked a private study room for us. It’s nice and quiet in there, the girls make sure of that,” Roxas smiled and rolled his eyes. 

Axel’s eyes drifted over the group of other students and back again. “Hey, can we get out of here? Can we go for a walk or something?” he asked softly. 

Quickly checking the time on his phone, Roxas nodded. “Yeah. I still have some time. Where do you want to go?”

Axel shrugged. “Nowhere particular.”

“Cool. Let’s go.” Roxas stood and waited for Axel to do the same. They were silent as they walked through the busy courtyard and down a path between the tall brick buildings. 

Even though it was a beautiful sunny day there were no students around the grass fields or pond. Roxas was sure they were heading towards the pond. 

“I like to sit over there under that tree between classes,” Axel pointed in the direction of a large shade tree growing on a gentle incline a few meters from the pond. 

“Is it always so quiet here?”

“Most of the time. It’s good for studying and reading... and I really like ducks,” Axel smiled. 

Roxas headed straight to the edge of the water. “I never knew this was here. I always park on the other side of campus so I never come near here. What building is the one behind us?”

“Business and law, I think.” Axel stood next to Roxas. “In spring, all the ducklings hide in the grassy stuff over there.”

Roxas chuckled softly and turned to sit under the tree. He imagined Axel being followed by a trail of little ducklings. The image was too cute for words. 

“What are you giggling about?” Axel stood over Roxas with his hands on his hips. 

“Just that you need to tell me when there are ducklings around. Are we allowed to feed the ducks? ” Roxas had to lean back to look up and see Axel properly. 

“Can’t see why not.”

Leaning right back on his elbows, Roxas smiled watching Axel standing over him. “I like it here. Great view.”

“Yeah,” Axel smiled and sat down next to Roxas. “I like watching the ducks. It’s peaceful.”

That was not at  _ all _ the view Roxas had meant. Was his flirting too subtle or was Axel just playing dumb to avoid it? 

The non-Axel view was nice as well. Calm, peaceful water was occasionally rippled by movement of the ducks. The area was large and very green, a tree line blocking off visibility to the main roads cutting them off from the rest of the world. 

Still, Roxas much preferred looking at Axel. 

-o.0.o-

After work on  Thursday , Roxas drove to Axel’s to pick him up to study at the library. He knew Axel was just humouring him since they would only get a maximum of three hours to study before the library closed for the night. 

He wasn’t worried about his friends meeting Axel. He thought he would be nervous, but he wasn’t. His friends were guaranteed to say embarrassing things at his expense, but that would be fine. He’d rather get their teasing out of the way sooner rather than later. He was sure they would like Axel. 

As they walked into the study room all eyes fell on the two men. Roxas put his books down on the desk and smiled. 

“Everyone, Axel. Axel, this is Olette, Naminé, Sora, and obviously Riku.” Roxas sat in one of the empty plastic chairs. 

Axel followed Roxas and sat next to him. “Nice to finally meet you all. I’ve heard a lot about all of you.”

“Not nearly as much as we’ve heard about you,” Riku muttered. 

Roxas kicked Riku under the desk, earning a glare. 

Olette sighed and rested her chin in the palm of her hand. “Welcome to the nut house,” she directed at Axel and gestured around. “Pence isn’t here. He likes silence when he studies. Quiet isn’t something we get with these two idiots,” she jabbed her thumb towards Roxas and Riku who were trying to kick each other without anyone noticing. 

Naminé pulled her chair closer to Axel and smiled warmly. “It’s really nice to meet you, Axel. I’ve been wanting to meet you for weeks,” she said quietly. 

“Weeks?” Axel leaned in closer. 

“Roxas is very shy. He doesn’t let people in easily. He’s been wanting to talk to you since the beginning of the semester.” Naminé marked a page in her textbook. 

Axel frowned. “I didn’t know that.” His eyes drifted to Roxas and back again. 

Naminé smiled softly. “That’s ok. You two are friends now.” She watched as Olette launched scrunched-up balls of paper at Riku and Roxas, making them quieten down and study. “He can be a stubborn idiot and he gets in his own way, but it’s worth being his friend.”

“Nam?” Roxas butted in. 

“Yeah?” 

“Shut up.”

-o.0.o-

Friday , Roxas turned up on time to Demyx and Axel’s apartment. Axel was in class, but that gave distraction-free time with Demyx to work on the assignment. Demyx banished Axel to his room as when he got home to stop him from distracting Roxas. They needed some time to put the finishing touches on their paper. 

Roxas didn’t keep Axel waiting for too long. It was distracting knowing Axel was only one wall away, but he pushed through it and finished the assignment. 

“Can I come out now?” came a muffled and pathetically whiney voice from down the hallway. 

“You can let him out of his cage. But if he makes a mess you have to clean it up,” Demyx said, sending a copy of the finished assignment to Roxas’ email. 

Roxas giggled and nodded. “Ok.” He quietly walked down the hallway and pressed his ear to Axel’s door. He could hear Axel singing softly to himself. It brought a smile to Roxas’ face. That was until he heard a few words clearly... filthy, filthy words. Taking a step back he knocked on the door. 

The singing stopped and the door was opened. Axel leaned against the door frame, “Hey gorgeous. All done?”

“Yeah, all finished. What do you want to do?”

Axel looked him up and down. “Want to go out or stay in?”

Stay in. “Out,” he lied. With the way Axel was looking at him, being out in public was the only way his pants were staying on. He couldn’t work later if he was already all red, puffy, and used. Unless Axel was a bottom...  _ Out _ , he reminded himself. Stupid job.

“Out? We can do that. Any suggestions?”

“Not really... We could go catch a movie or drive until we find something interesting,” he suggested.

“Movie sounds good.” Axel collected his phone, wallet, and keys. “Anything in particular?”

“Nope. I have no idea what’s playing at the moment. Figure it out when we get there?”

“Sure.”

They both said their goodbyes to Demyx as they disappeared out the door. They rode the elevator to the ground floor. Roxas fished around in his pocket for his car keys. 

“Can I drive?” Axel asked with his hand out. 

“Oh hell no. Do I look dumb? Get in the passenger side and shut up.” 

They walked out of the building and Roxas unlocked his car, parked at the curb. 

Axel sighed heavily and got in the passenger side, still pouting. “I’ll be good.”

Roxas got in the driver’s seat. “You were planning on misbehaving?” He turned the car on and pulled onto the road. 

“Maybe. Depending on what it gets me.” Axel winked and started fiddling with the stereo. “Your music is awful.”

“That’s rich coming from you. Will you stop touching shit if I let you listen to your music?”

“Yep,” the redhead grinned. “Your car has better sound than mine.”

“Your phone is still synced up.” Roxas briefly took his eyes off the road to check Axel was pressing the right buttons. “Happy now?” 

“Yep.” Axel opened the music player on his phone and chose a song. 

It took Roxas a moment to recognise the song. “This is the song you were singing earlier.”

Axel’s thin red brows raised. “And how would you know that? Were you spying on me?”

“What? No. Uh... well fuck...” Roxas chuckled and smiled sweetly. “Sorry. I may have listened... just a little.”

“What were you hoping to hear? Something naughty?” 

“No.” Roxas shrugged, “I just needed a moment before I knocked. I’m not the best at making conversation.”

Axel turned his head, looking at Roxas with vague curiosity. His lingering gaze was making Roxas uncomfortable as they both sat quietly with Axel’s music playing in the background. 

“What?” Roxas tore his eyes off the road to look at Axel. The way Axel was looking at him was making him feel uncomfortable. He much preferred Axel’s lecherous stare over this quiet, pensive gaze. 

“Nothing. Just thinking.” Green eyes pointed towards the window.  

Driving gave Roxas something to focus on other than the silence and Axel’s ridiculous music. But by the time Roxas was pulling into a parking space, Axel was singing loudly and either dancing or having a seizure. Roxas couldn’t be sure which. 

Axel was quiet again once they were out of the car and walking through the shopping centre to the cinemas. 

The scent of the popcorn found Roxas’ nostrils when they entered the foyer. His mouth watered. He really wanted popcorn. 

“Know what you want to watch?”  Roxas asked, looking up at the LCD display board, listing the movies and times. 

“Not really. The new Disney one sounds good,” Axel replied, reading the board. 

Roxas snorted and looked at Axel. “Oh. You’re serious.” 

“What’s wrong with that? What do you want to see?”

“I think I remember Pence saying Crawlspace was good.” Roxas didn’t recognise any of the other titles and the movie posters on the walls gave few hints to what the movies were about. 

“Sounds like a horror movie,” Axel grimaced. 

“It is, but it’s b-grade so it’s going to be so bad, it’s funny.”

Axel nodded. “OK. It starts in half an hour. Want to get lollies and stuff first?”

“Yes,” came Roxas’ excited voice and beaming smile. “The lolly shop isn’t far from here. Just a few shops away.” He headed for the shop, Axel in tow and begging him to slow down. Roxas did slowdown, but not before he was inside the store. 

“For someone with such short legs you sure move fast,” Axel complained as he came up behind Roxas. 

“Yeah, yeah. Help me choose stuff.” Roxas began picking up anything that looked good. He loaded his arms with chocolates, jelly beans, and imported soft drinks. 

“You’ll make yourself sick with all that sugar,” Axel said as he looked on disapprovingly. 

“Yeah, well, I’m a grown up. I get to.” Some more chocolate and lollies he thought Axel might like got added to the quickly growing pile. 

“How very mature.” Axel had just enough time to put his arms out as Roxas unloaded his haul for him to hold. 

Roxas poked out his tongue at Axel and went back to looking around the store. 

“Put that away or I’ll bite it off.” Obediently following along behind, Axel managed to catch the small packets of jelly lollies as the came flying at him. 

Roxas raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. He just looked around for anything else they might like. “See anything you really want?”

“Pretty sure you’ve got it all.”

“Cool,” Roxas grinned and headed to the checkout. 

Axel emptied his arms of Roxas’ collection onto the checkout counter and shared a look of disbelief with the girl on the other side. But Roxas looked perfectly pleased as the tally was creeping past $80. That was nothing. That amount took no time to earn, and the important thing was getting to have fun with Axel. 

Roxas paid and picked up the shopping bags filled with goods. They weren’t  _ too _ heavy. “Right, let’s get tickets.”

“Sure.” Axel followed quietly back to the cinemas standing next to Roxas as they lined up for tickets. 

Roxas approached the ticket booth and paid for both their tickets. There was much complaining from Axel, but Roxas didn’t care. Axel had already bought him ice cream and coffee. It was his turn to treat Axel. 

He let Axel choose the seats and they sat right up the back of the theatre. The previews hadn’t started yet so he wanted to make the most of the lights being on while he could. Placing the bags on the floor between them, he began rifling through and picking out a few bags of lollies for them. 

“When you get diabetes, can I cut off your leg?” Axel asked, opening one of the packets for Roxas. 

“I’ve heard insulin works better, but sure. I can just get a peg leg. I’ve always wanted to be a pirate.”

“New career move?” Axel asked, popping a lolly into his mouth. 

“Maybe. I get bored being CEO of a Fortune 500 company.”

“Huh. That explains how you can afford all that crap,” Axel gestured to the bags. “What kind of company?”

“Pharmaceuticals,” Roxas said with all the seriousness he could muster and placed a lolly in his mouth. 

“Cool. Free insulin. That works out well for you.” Axel rumbled with a few chuckles. “Still in the hobbit porn business or is that just for your spare time?”

“Had to give it up,” Roxas sighed dramatically. 

“I knew you looked familiar.”

Roxas leaned close to Axel and whispered, “That’s because I’m also Batman.” 

Axel scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Batman isn’t short.”

“I wear heels.”

“Stilettos?” 

“Of course.”

They went quiet as the lights dimmed and the previews began. None of the movies looked appealing to Roxas. He looked around the theatre instead. There were only two other people seated all the way down the front. The theatre was suddenly feeling rather intimate. 

Blood and gore on the projection screen started the movie. Roxas heard Axel groan softly from next to him. He didn’t think much of it and continued to watch red corn syrup drip down the blade of the killer's knife. 

As the killer pulled the knife back ready to stab again, Axel squeaked and hid his face against Roxas’ shoulder. Roxas was more than mildly confused. He would never have expected Axel to be scared of a movie. 

“You OK?” Roxas asked softly. 

Axel shook his head. 

“Want to leave and watch something else?”

Axel shook his head again. 

“Sure? I don’t mind.”

And again, Axel shook his head. 

Roxas sighed at Axel’s stubbornness. “OK.” He put his arm around Axel’s shoulders. He told himself he only did it to comfort the redhead and not because he had been wanting to have his arm around Axel for days. It felt nice... and natural, surprisingly. Roxas turned in his seat slightly to hold Axel against his chest. Crimson spikes tickled under his chin. Curiosity got the better of him and he ran a hand through Axel’s hair. So soft. 

Axel relaxed against him the best he could with the armrest in between them. 

“Come on. We’ll do something else.” Not that Roxas was entirely sure he wanted to do something else. ‘Something else’ would mean not having his arm around Axel, or have their bodies touching. Roxas really wanted for them to keep touching. 

“I’m ok,” Axel mumbled into Roxas’ chest. 

“It’s not fun if you aren’t having fun too. Let’s go do something else. How does ice cream and buying video games sound?”

“Sounds good,” Axel mumbled.

Roxas reluctantly let Axel go. He picked up the bags and stood. “You can pick the next movie.”

“Cool. Hobbit porn it is.” As soon as Axel stood they exited the theatre. The redhead let out a long sigh of relief. 

“Sure hobbit porn wouldn’t be too scary for you? You just about hid under your chair over a fake knife and corn syrup.”

“Shuddup.”

“This is why you aren’t in Gryffindor, you big Hufflepuff” Roxas teased. 

“And yet I’m still  _ loyally _ going to buy your vile Slytherin ass ice cream,” Axel poked his tongue out. 

“Put that away or I’ll bite it off,” Roxas said, repeating Axel’s words from earlier. 

“Fine by me.” Axel looked around as they strolled out of the cinema. “Which way to ice cream and games?”

Roxas looked around to get his bearings. “Uh... right.”

Deciding on ice cream first, Roxas led the way down the escalator to the food court. It was as busy as was to be expected for a Friday afternoon. 

The ice cream parlour had so many flavours that Roxas had never seen before. Ice creams mixed with alcohol, with chocolate bars, and mimicking other desserts. Roxas was in heaven. 

While Roxas was eyeing the display case, Axel kept fidgeting next to him. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his arms. He’d cross them then uncross them, and then put his hands in his pockets. 

“What would you like?” Roxas asked. He noticed Axel’s restlessness and wondered why the redhead was acting nervous. He seemed to always be nervous. He had been fine in the theatre. Well, other than hiding against Roxas’ chest, anyway. 

“We could get a bit of everything and share?” Axel suggested. 

“You sure?” Roxas asked softly. 

“Yeah, get whatever you like.”

Roxas nodded and approached the counter to order. They ended up with a large bowl with one scoop of ten different flavours and two spoons. They found a table in a quiet section to sit and eat. Roxas dug his spoon into one of the chocolate varieties and moaned happily. 

“Oh my God. This is so good. You have to try it.”

“Only if you try the sea salt.” Axel scooped some of the sea salt ice cream onto his spoon and held it out for Roxas. 

“Fine.” Roxas leaned closer and took the spoon into his mouth. He pulled away as he considered the odd flavour. He wasn’t too sure he liked it at first. It was too salty, but also really sweet like a vanilla ice cream. The mixture of flavour was actually really good. “Wow. That’s good.”

“Thought you might like it.” Axel helped himself to a spoonful of the ice cream. 

“I wish I could take some home. But – “ He was cut off by loud high pitched laughing. 

A group of girls had walked in and sat a few tables away. One would lean in close and whisper to the others until all eyes were in Roxas and Axel’s direction. They blushed and squealed as one of them pointed to Axel saying “He’s so hot!”

Axel was looking very uncomfortable. Roxas really wanted to do something to distract him. “Want me to flick ice cream at them?”

Axel gave Roxas a small smile. “No,” he said quietly. 

“Fire?”

“No.”

“Fine. We could make out instead,” Roxas suggested half-jokingly. 

“Think that would work?” Axel quirked an eyebrow. 

“Well, it sounds more enjoyable than throwing fire at people. Wanna go game shopping instead?”

Shake of the head. “No, I’m ok. Finish your ice cream.”

“I’m good. If I have any more sugar I’ll make myself sick.” It was a lie. Roxas had a superhuman sugar tolerance. But Axel seemed uncomfortable with the group of girls still staring and giggling. “Let’s go buy games. There was a new game out last week I wouldn’t mind having a look at.”

Axel nodded and relaxed slightly, clearly pleased to be moving away from the girls. Roxas still wanted to flick ice cream at them. 

As they walked to the game store Axel was close enough for the back of their hands to brush gently against each other. Roxas could swear he felt Axel’s hand trembling slightly. He didn’t know if it was something he should ask about. He didn’t want to embarrass Axel in any way. So he said nothing all the way to the game store and just continued to melt every time their hands touched. 

Roxas looked through the new release games as Axel stood next to him, looking around and drumming his fingers on his arm. He considered Axel for a moment. He wasn’t sure what to make of Axel’s behaviour. It was the same nervous energy the redhead displayed at the bakery, at the coffee shop, and most of the time today. 

“See anything good?” Roxas asked. 

“A new fighting game just came out. It looks good.” Axel picked up a game case and looked at the front and back covers. 

“We should get it. We can play it once exams are over.”

“Sounds good,” Axel nodded. 

“Sure it does. I haven’t kicked your ass yet,” Roxas grinned

“We’ll see about that,” Axel said as he turned and went to the counter to pay for the game. 

Roxas continued perusing the games, not seeing anything that tickled his fancy. He did find the game he wanted to look at but thought better of buying it before his exams were over. He thought that if he bought it he would want to play it straight away. Best to remove the temptation. 

Axel came back over with his purchase. “Find anything you want?”

“Yes, but I decided not to buy it until after exams. I don’t have the best self-control. If I buy it, I’ll play it and not study.”

“Ah, good thinking.”

Roxas quickly checked the time on his phone. “Hmm. We better get going so I can be at home on time.”

“All right. Let’s go. Will your boss be mad if you’re late?”

“Since my boss is me, yes.”

“Wait, is that true?” Axel stared, wide-eyed.

“Yeah, it is.” Roxas grinned and began walking back to the car with Axel alongside.

“Interesting... I thought you never told anyone the truth.”

Roxas shrugged. “I don’t usually. I didn’t really think about it before I said it.”

“Will I get to learn what you really do one day?”

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

They got in Roxas’ car and he drove Axel home. It had been a fun day out. Little by little they were getting to know each other better. Roxas was really interested in Axel, inside and out.

Roxas parked his car in front of Axel’s apartment block. “I had fun today. Sorry about the movie. You can choose all the movies we watch from now on.”

Axel let out a soft, short laugh. “Sure.”

“I guess I’ll see you Monday for the exam.”

Axel nodded. “Yeah. Maybe we could do something after.”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah. That’d be good.”

“OK. See you Monday then.” Axel’s hand found the door handle.

Roxas summoned up every ounce of courage he possessed and quickly leaned over and kissed Axel’s cheek. “Bye.”

Axel blushed and whispered a breathy, “Bye,” before he got out of the car and disappeared into the building.

Roxas smiled to himself and drove home for work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't decide what Axel was singing. [Fuck Machine](https://youtu.be/1hE6ziAdKBY) or [My Dick](https://youtu.be/4n7_Il1dft0) feel likely. Let me know what smutty songs you listen to. I love dirty songs.


	6. Chapter 6 - Revelation

Monday was the first day of Roxas’ exams. He wasn’t particularly stressed, mainly just tired. But he felt ready to get the whole ordeal over and done with. 

Once his exam was over, Roxas met Axel out the front of the building. They had organised to meet up for coffee. 

“How did you go?” Axel asked as Roxas came over. 

Roxas groaned. “Fine, I guess. You?” 

“Good, I think. If finishing early is any indication.” Axel turned and they headed towards the campus cafe. “How many do you have left?” 

“One more. The other two classes just had assignments.” Roxas sighed. “I can’t wait until this week is over.”

The cafe was empty, bar one table which had one student furiously writing on a notepad and flicking through a textbook. Axel chose a table in the corner of the store and he and Roxas both fell heavily, exhausted, into the wooden chairs. 

Axel offered to order for them, for which Roxas was very grateful. He hadn’t slept well the night before, nerves having gotten the better of him. When Axel returned with coffee in hand, Roxas sat up straight and took a large sip. 

“Are you going home during the break?” Axel sipped his coffee and slouched in the chair.

Roxas shook his head. “Staying here. You?”

“I was going to head home for Easter, it’ll get my family off my back for a bit,“ Axel shrugged. “You’re not going to be here alone, are you?”

“Not really. Naminé is flying home for the break,” Roxas tilted his head to the right while thinking. “Sora and Riku are going home for the first week, and Olette is from somewhere in Radiant Garden so she’ll be gone a couple of days. Same with Pence. Only Naminé will be gone the whole two weeks.” He shrugged, “More time for me to lay round catching up on TV shows.”

Axel frowned and stared at the lid of his coffee cup. “I’ll be gone for a day or two, but we can hang out when I get back. Are you sure you will be OK here by yourself?”

“I don’t need a babysitter, I’m not three. I really don’t mind being by myself for a little while. I’ll be fine. Let me know when you get back and I’ll make sure I have something fun for us to do.”

Axel’s eyes darted around the outdoor area before coming to rest on his takeaway coffee cup. Restless hands toyed with the white plastic lid. “I could stay.”

Roxas reached out a hand and placed it over Axel’s, stopping him from splitting the lid. Axel's hand flinched at his touch so he smiled softly and kept his voice as even and reassuring as possible. “You don’t need to stay. Go spend time with your family. I’ll still be here when you get back, OK? We can message each other while you’re gone. You can check on me and make sure I haven’t slipped into a junk food coma.”

The redhead sighed. Green eyes rapidly looked around them. “Fine.” 

“I’ll be fine. Promise,” Roxas gave a reassuring smile. He took his hand off Axel’s in case it was the touching which made Axel uncomfortable. 

This time, as Axel’s eyes darted around the surrounding area, so did Roxas’. All he saw were people having coffee, most with their noses in a book, and students walking past for class. 

Sometimes Axel confused Roxas. One minute he was confident and cocky and the next he seemed uncomfortable. Roxas worried that  _ he _ was making Axel uncomfortable. What happened to the Axel sprouting cheesy lines that Roxas had met when he was in the man’s apartment? 

Axel appeared to be uncomfortable the first time they went for ice cream, but that could probably be explained away as just nervousness considering they had only just met. But then he acted much the same at the bakery and at the cafe. He was nervous when they went to the movies too. Axel just seemed to act like that whenever they went out. 

A thought struck Roxas sharply. Maybe Axel was uncomfortable because he didn’t want to be seen with him, at least not in public. The thought made Roxas’ stomach drop. Sure Axel was the one who asked him out for coffee but it looked like Axel had changed his mind. He wouldn't make eye contact and he had become increasingly quiet. Something was definitely wrong. 

Axel was so jittery as though he was ready to jump up and hide if someone saw them together. 

Ouch. 

It made sense. Why else would Axel only be uncomfortable with him in public? Axel was confident to the point of cockiness and sweet when it was just the two of them. 

Roxas was the common denominator. 

“I’m gonna go. I’ve got work,” Roxas said shakily, standing up suddenly and picking up his satchel. 

“I thought you said you didn’t have to go until one,” Axel said, checking the time on his phone. 

“Just remembered something I have to do. Thanks for the coffee. See you later.” Roxas walked off quickly, not looking back. 

Roxas felt... disappointed and hurt. He had spent so much time talking himself into taking a chance on Axel. Axel was the first person he had considered breaking his no dating rule for. But it was all for nothing. 

He didn't want to have to go through hurt and rejection again, especially when the last one still felt fresh. It would be best if he just severed ties with Axel now, so he wouldn't get hurt again. He just couldn't deal with being hurt again. 

He had really, really wanted Axel to like him. Roxas didn’t have the best self-confidence, but he still deserved better than being somebody’s secret. 

-o.0.o-

Roxas was happy it was Wednesday. He had managed to avoid Axel since Monday. Not hard to do during exams, but his brain didn’t want to think of anything else. After such a shitty day he needed a distraction. A few compliments wouldn’t hurt either. 

He didn’t feel like mucking around, just wanting to cut to the chase. After his shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and headed straight to his workspace. The brand new webcam he had bought over the weekend was set up and angled correctly. It had taken hours to get its position right, but it was worth the effort for the clearer picture. 

He sat in front of his laptop, as he always did, wanting to wait until the session started to reveal the new webcam. He signed in to his account and waited for Hot.Stuff to sign in before opening the window for the private session. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ What have you got for me today, gorgeous? _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I did some shopping. I think I’ve found something you might like. _

Roxas held up his new toy.

**_Destiny:_ ** _  If you download the app on your phone, you can control this prostate massager. Sound good? _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _... _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I have no words for how hot that is _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Thought you might like the idea _

Roxas was proud of how quickly he could work out most people’s kinks. It had taken him a few months to figure out what he had to look for. Definitely handy now that he had more viewers.

Hot.Stuff was definitely into other people’s pleasure. Whether the man was just into watching others pleasure or being the cause of it, Roxas would find out soon. He had bought the new toy with this man in mind. A strong inkling told Roxas that this would be exactly what the man would enjoy.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Check your inbox. I sent a link to the app and the code to link it to the toy _

Roxas had to wait a few minutes while Hot.Stuff was setting things up on his end, leaving him too much time to think. His mind kept drifting back to Axel and hoping he was wrong. The whole thing left him in a sombre mood.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ OK. I think it’s set up _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Try it _

Roxas held up the toy in front of him. After a moment it began to vibrate and half a smile made its way on to his face. This would serve as a pleasant distraction.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Also bought something else _

Roxas changed the camera input to the new webcam he had spent hours setting up.

**_Destiny:_ ** _ What do you think? Any improvement? _

Roxas scooted back to lounge comfortably in the pile of pillows and removed the towel from around his waist. He repositioned the laptop closer to him to type. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Big improvement. Picture is much clearer. Wish you left the sound on _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ We’ll see if you decide to be a good boy first _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Really? _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ I don’t really want you to be good.  I might turn on the sound if typing gets too difficult _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Any chance I can convince you to turn it on now? _

Roxas considered the request for a moment. Along with the new webcam he had also bought a program which altered voices. He hoped that a disguised voice would be a happy medium between the typing and clients hearing his real voice. It would also be nice to not have to try and type while he was busy.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Plllleeeeaaassssssseee _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Oh OK. Only because I’m sure you’re going to make this really good and I won’t be able to type _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Yay! You’re awesome _

**_Destiny:_ ** _ Gimme a sec to set the mic up _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Anything _

First Roxas launched the voice changing program and selected a setting which would deepen his voice. He had already tested all the settings and this one was the most natural. He didn’t want anything that would make his voice sound obviously altered. Just altered enough it didn’t sound like his natural voice.

After the program was set up, he turned the microphone on. 

“Can you hear me?”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Yes. Thank you, gorgeous. Is this the first time you’ve spoken to any of us?  _

“It is. How long have you been watching me now? Five months? Long enough that I’m comfortable with it. Just don’t tell anyone else, OK? This is just for you.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I won’t say anything _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I’m going to give you the biggest tip for this _

Roxas chuckled. “Thank you, sweetie.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I knew you would have a beautiful laugh  _

“No making me laugh until we have both come at least once. Wouldn’t you rather hear me moan?“

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I want to hear both  _

Another small chuckle. “Fine. Fine. Anything you want.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _  Anything?  _

“Well, almost anything. What do you want?” Roxas ran one finger slowly down his body just in case the man needed a hint. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I want to make you feel good _

Roxas sighed as he wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking idly. Not having to type was so much better. “I can’t wait. I know you’re going to make me feel amazing. I wish I thought of this ages ago.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ I didn’t know anything like this existed. I feel like I should be paying you double. This is going to be so good.  _

“Pay me in orgasms. You ready?”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Yeah _

Roxas squirted some lubricant into his hand and slicked the toy. With a soft sigh, he pushed the tip of the toy against his ring of muscle and slowly pushed it into place. “Mmm OK, ready when you are.”

The toy turned on and began vibrating on a low setting, startling Roxas with the lack of warning. His back arched off the pillows slightly as a moan fell from his lips. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ You are so hot _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ This is the best idea to ever... idea. _

Roxas chuckled. “You’re supposed to be making me moan, not laugh.” As if on cue, the vibration intensified. Roxas moaned loudly. “Oh my God.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Better? _

“Mmm much.”

This really was the best idea. Roxas didn’t know whether it felt good because someone else was in control, or because of the unpredictability. Either way, he wanted to do this again.

“Nnngh!” The vibration setting changed in pattern. It now pulsated rather than vibrating constantly.

He was beginning to feel very warm inside and out. Sweat was beginning to bead on his chest and forehead. Liquid heat pooled in his abdomen constantly as the vibration played hell on his prostate.

The hand not holding the toy took hold of his weeping cock, stroking slowly, but giving him the stimulation he desperately needed.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Hey. No touching yourself. I will make you come _

Roxas whined but did as he was told and stopped touching himself. He had no idea what to do with his free hand. It itched to resume stroking and bring on his orgasm. He settled for the hand to grip his thigh and dig nails in with frustration and ecstasy.

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _  Yoi are gorgeous _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _  You _

Roxas let out a short breathy titter. Spelling mistakes were a sure sign of one-handed typing. Exactly what he had been aiming for. 

The vibration pattern changed again and it became stronger. “Oh fuck...,” Roxas moaned. He rocked his hips on to the massager, digging the tip into his prostate over and over. His thigh muscles twitched with each heated wave of pleasure. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Close?  _

“Nnngh yeah.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _  Come for mr _

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Me _

The vibration was kicked up another notch causing Roxas’ eyes to roll back. His nails dug further into his thigh as the pressure built inside him. “Holy fffuuughhh.” He was so, so, so close. 

Roxas angled the tip of the toy harder against his prostate. It only took a few more moments before his body tensed then spasmed as he reached his climax. Come landed on his stomach and up to his shoulder. The vibration stopped and he took a minute to catch his breath. 

He pulled the toy from his body and relaxed against the pillows. 

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Holy crap that was hot _

Roxas smiled, still completely dazed and riding the post-orgasm high. “That was incredible.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _  We are going to do that again  _

“Mmm anytime.”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Remember when I offered to send you a photo of myself? _

Roxas didn’t. “Yeah. Am I finally going to get one?”

**_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _ Check your inbox _

Suddenly very curious about the man, Roxas opened his inbox and clicked on the message from Hot.Stuff and opened the attachment.

His breath caught in his throat and his eyes went as wide as saucers. He stared at the photo then rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly. 

...Axel. 


	7. Chapter 7 - First Date

Roxas had spent the vast majority of the past week lounging on the couch. He had been sulking since Monday last week. It was now Tuesday and there were no sign that anything would be changing any time soon. The cushions were bound to have a permanent imprint of his body, that is, if his skin didn’t start grafting to them first.

Axel had called and messaged a few times over the past few days, but he ignored them all. If Axel didn’t want him then fine, but Roxas refused to be strung along. His mind kept replaying scenes with Axel over and over like a bad movie. This only served to make him embarrassed and irritated. Roxas was more familiar with rejection than most, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

Yet he still waxed nostalgically over all the things he liked about Axel. Some stupid part of him still wanted things to work out between them.

Naminé had checked in with him at least once a day. He hadn’t told her why he wasn’t seeing family for the holidays and preferred to keep it that way. Still, Naminé hinted and pushed gently, trying to pry an answer from him. She never got one, likely never would. He knew that she meant well. She cared about him and was concerned, which Roxas appreciated. But his parents were a topic he never discussed with anyone.

As soon as Naminé had left with packed bags, Roxas had run down to the corner shop buying up armfuls of chips, chocolates, and lollies. Now he was surrounded by empty packaging, crumbs of corn chips and sugar stuck to his face and chest. Now the dwindling sugar in his system had him crashing harder than Windows ME.

Roxas jolted from his semi-conscious state from a loud knock at the door. He frowned not particularly wanting to get off his spot on the lounge. The knocking came again and Roxas grumbled as he shuffled drowsily to the door. He brushed himself of crumbs and opened the door.

“Hey,” Axel’s overly cheery voice greeted him.

“Hey,” Roxas replied slowly. “What are you doing here?”

“Just got back. You haven’t replied to any of my messages so I got your address from Demyx and came to make sure you haven’t OD’d on sugar.”

“Almost,” Roxas said as he glanced over his shoulder at the mess the lounge room was in.

“I’m going to assume by your pantsless state that you don’t have any plans for the afternoon.” A broad smirk grew.

Roxas looked down and blushed. “No specific plans... .” Of all the days for him to be wearing his SpongeBob boxers. The universe definitely wasn’t in a kind mood today.

“Good,” the redhead exclaimed cheerfully. “I set up something at my apartment for us. No pants required.”

One golden blond eyebrow raised. “You sure?”

The smirk faltered. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Roxas pursed his lips and looked away. “Come in,” he stepped to the side.

“Is something wrong?” Axel cautiously stepped into the apartment, green eyes never leaving the blond.

Roxas closed the door. “You tell me. Every time we are out you get so nervous. At first, I thought it was cute, but... you look around like you are trying to make sure no one is watching us. I get it if you don’t like me, trust me, I do. But are you ashamed to be seen with me? Are you not, you know, _out_ yet?”

The other man looked genuinely shocked. “No. Rox, _no_. How could I ever be ashamed of you?” He cupped Roxas’ face to force their eyes to meet. “I really like you. I’m sorry you’ve been thinking I didn’t. I guess I should have said something sooner.” He sighed, “When I’m around too many people I get nervous and can’t relax. ‘Social anxiety’ the doctors call it. I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” The smile faded and left a look of concern in its wake.

Roxas applied the new information to every situation he had been dwelling on. The nervous fidgeting, looking around, the difference between Axel in public and Axel in private. Roxas wasn’t completely sure what social anxiety was, but he knew each word separately.

“Oh my God. I am _so_ sorry. I am such an asshole! I’m so – “ His words were cut off by warm lips on his. The worry faded away giving rise to a delightful warm fuzzy feeling.

“It’s OK, my fault for not saying something earlier. I thought it might scare you off.” Their foreheads were pressed together as long arms encircled Roxas.

“I’m still sorry,” Roxas pouted. “Let me make it up to you.”

With a slight shrug, the smirk returned. “Ok, make it up to me by going on a date with me.”

Blue eyes grew wide in shock that Axel wasn’t mad after Roxas had spent a week thinking the worst of him. “Date?” he repeated slowly. “With me?”

“No, your brother. Is he around?” Axel deadpanned and ruffled blond spikes. “Of course with you. Do whatever you gotta do, we're going to my place.”

“Ok. Just need clothes.” He turned to leave but a grip on his arm held him back.

“You sure? I could get used to you like this,” Axel’s eyes trailed over Roxas’ half-naked form as he licked his lips.

Roxas huffed and pulled his arm back. “I’m getting dressed. Stay here. Follow me and die, got it?”

“You’re no fun,” Axel waved him off.

Roxas quickly walked to his room and closed the door behind him. He leaned back against the wood, thoughts swirling at a million miles an hour.

Axel did like him. He wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with him. Axel _liked_ him. Holy crap, Axel had _kissed_ him!

His fingertips touch his lips and a goofy, smitten smile was plastered on his face. He steadfastly ignored all the negative thoughts about how he shouldn’t have agreed to the date, and that he probably looked like shit and should really shower first.

Moving in a dream-like state, Roxas made his way to the wardrobe and put on clean jeans and a shirt. A quick look in the mirror confirmed he had at least dressed himself correctly in spite of his dazed state. Lastly, he slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed his wallet before returning to the lounge room.

“Do I need to bring anything?” he asked, realising he hadn’t asked what Axel had planned.

“Nope. Just your cute little butt.”

-o.0.o-

“Come on in,” Axel swung open the door to his apartment. He kicked his shoes off by the door and Roxas followed suit.

A pillow fort was taking up a large amount of space in the small living room. Couch cushions, blankets, and sheets were propped up with dining chairs and the couch. Roxas couldn't remember the last time he had been in a pillow fort.

He watched Axel crawl through the small entrance to the fort. His hormones screaming at him to touch the redhead.

 _No groping on the first date_.

Axel poked his head out once he was comfortably inside. “You coming?” he grinned and held out a hand.

 _Well, maybe a little groping_.

Roxas took Axel’s hand and crawled into the pillow fort. “Wow,” Roxas said softly as he looked around at everything Axel had set up. There were blankets and pillows on the floor for comfort. A side table had been covered with drinks and snacks, a large TV stood opposite the entrance. Fairy lights hung around the fort roof. The lights felt like a fire hazard but were really romantic anyway.

“What do you think?” Axel asked as he settled into the pile of pillows.

“I can’t believe you did all this.” Roxas sat with Axel and looked around. “This is amazing,” he smiled at Axel.

“Glad you like it. I thought we could watch all the Harry Potter movies. Well, as many as we can anyway.”

Roxas was stunned. “This is the best date ever.”

Axel chuckled and looked around. “Thought you might like it. Anything I can get for you before we get comfortable?”

“Nope. I’m good.” Roxas emptied his pockets and place his belongings off to the side of the fort before lying down and getting comfortable.

“All right.” Axel put the first movie on and lay down beside Roxas. He didn’t quite have the leg room the blond did.

“Hey Ax,” Roxas rolled onto his side. “Tell me more about the social anxiety thing. I want to try and understand it.”

Axel turned his head to look at Roxas in surprise. “You sure?”

Roxas nodded. “If we’re going to date I should know about this stuff, right? I don’t want to put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.”

“Damn you’re sweet,” Axel muttered and rolled onto his side to face Roxas. “Not quite sure what the best way to explain it is.” Axel’s eyes left Roxas’ briefly before returning. “Have you ever had that dream where you show up to class or something, naked or without pants?” He paused and Roxas nodded in confirmation. “It’s like that except it’s not a dream and it happens every time I leave the house. Like...everyone is talking about me. Whispering behind my back. New places can set it off. Too many people can set it off. I’m fine when I’m somewhere familiar or with someone I’m comfortable with. Sometimes it helps if Demyx is with me. The symptoms sometimes won't be so bad then. Remember the day you came here to do the assignment with Demyx?”

“Of course,” Roxas smiled faintly, remembering getting ice cream with Axel.

“Demyx didn’t care that I interrupted you two because I very rarely talk to new people. You were just so cute though. Something told me I had to get to know you. The whole time I kept expecting you to just _know_ something was wrong and you’d tell me I was a freak and then leave. But I thought that if I got to know you, I wouldn't be so anxious around you.”

“I’d never call you a freak,” Roxas frowned.

“I know. Anxiety isn’t rational so don’t be offended.”

“Is there anything I can do to help? I want you and your anxiety to know I like you and there’s nothing to worry about.” At least Roxas hoped it would be that easy. He hated the idea of Axel worrying about what he thought.

That lecherous grin returned. “I can think of a few things we could try.”

Roxas chuckled. “And what would they be?”

“Let me kiss you,” Axel brought his voice down an octave.

“I thought you already did. But you don’t have to ask.” Roxas’ stomach fluttered. He really wanted to kiss him, but after everything Axel had just disclosed he would let Axel make every move. He was afraid of doing anything which could potentially give Axel anxiety. Until he could go home and research the condition he would be happy to go along with anything Axel wanted. Roxas really hoped Axel wanted to have sex right now in the fort on the floor.

Axel leaned in slowly. To Roxas, it felt like an eternity as eyes slipped closed and lips found each other. A shiver rolled through Roxas. How long had he waited and fantasised about finally touching and tasting Axel? Too long. Far too long.

Roxas placed a hand on Axel’s hip as the kiss got heated. He moved forward and pressed his body against the other man. Axel held him close with an arm around his waist. Axel’s body was so warm and the kiss so sweet that Roxas all but melted. His hands grazed up the side of Axel’s body, over ribs, up his neck, and up to his jaw where they cupped his face and fingertips threaded through crimson locks.

Suddenly, Axel’s arms were tightly around him and he was being pulled on top of the man. He let out a surprised squeak which was mostly muffled by Axel’s mouth. Roxas caught on quickly and straddled Axel’s hips. Large hands settled high on Roxas’ hip bones. Fingertips on bare skin made the blond shiver.

“Axel,” Roxas moaned and sucked Axel’s bottom lip into his mouth.

“Settle, Petal.” Axel panted. “Too fast. Calm down a little.”

“Me? You started the kiss. _You_ pulled _me_ on top of you,” Roxas tried not to pout.

“I know, but I can’t start ripping your clothes off before Harry even knows he’s a wizard. That wasn’t the plan.” Axel’s grip tightened on Roxas’ hips as though he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to stop what they were doing.

“What was the plan?” Roxas asked, trying not to sulk.

“I was hoping we would get through at least one movie before the hot make-out session. That’s my fault. You’re too sexy.”

Roxas sighed and rolled off Axel, glaring at the roof of the fort. “I hate you right now.

“Me too,” Axel muttered. “Me too.” 

“Cool. We agree on something.” Roxas rolled onto his side to look at Axel. “So, what was your plan for this date?”

“I don’t know. I guess I thought we’d watch the movies, and just talk like we usually do.” Axel rolled over to face Roxas.

Roxas chuckled. “The relationship changed as soon as you asked me on a date. I can try and forget if that helps. But I really don’t want to. I like that I can finally kiss you. But if you really want to talk instead then go ahead. Tell me something about you that I don’t already know.”

Axel poked Roxas’ nose. “You are adorable.”

Roxas scowled and swatted Axel’s hand. “Stop that.”

Axel chuckled. “Exactly what I mean.” Leaning in, he placed a quick kiss on Roxas’ lips. “So, what do you want to know?”

What he really wanted to know was _how_ Axel had found Destiny and _why_ someone that gorgeous would need Destiny in the first place. But, of course, he couldn’t ask that. He wasn’t ready to talk about it.

“Hmm... .” Roxas watched the movie while thinking of a question. He had to be careful what he asked in case Axel flipped the question back on him. That took jobs off the table. He also wouldn’t answer any questions about family. His life before Radiant Garden was also off limits. So what was he left with? “It’s the zombie apocalypse and you can only choose one weapon. What is it?”

“Starting with the hard questions, I see. Well... a katana.”

“Interesting. How did you and Demyx meet?” Roxas asked.

“Wait, why do you get to ask another question?”

“Because you didn’t ask one quick enough,” Roxas grinned.

“Fine. We met the first day of high school. I didn’t know anyone so Demyx befriended me.” Axel brushed Roxas’ hair away from his forehead. “How did you meet Naminé?”

“Flyer on the notice board at uni. I needed a place to stay and she needed a roommate.” Roxas’ eyes took in Axel’s features because they were so close, and he could finally look without worrying about scaring Axel off. The man was absurdly attractive. “You seem to make plans about dating,” he started, “anymore I should know? I don’t want to accidentally do the wrong thing.”

“Plans? I wouldn't go so far as to call them _plans_.” Axel’s eyes widened, “You don’t think I’m a prude, do you?”

“No,”  Roxas smiled. “I get it. You just want us to know each other better before we jump into bed.”

“Is that OK?” Axel asked timidly.

“Of course. I’m fine with whatever makes you feel comfortable.” Roxas looked at the TV just so he didn’t have to look into those piercing green eyes. “I don’t really know how dating works. I don’t date.”

“Oh?” Axel sounded surprised.

“What? Don’t believe me?” Roxas’ eyes locked with Axel’s.

“No, I believe you. I just... don’t quite understand. Have you been on too many bad dates before? Do you prefer to keep things casual?”

“I guess it could be considered a new rule. I-... It’s just easier that way. It’s not that I want ‘casual’. I don’t do casual hookups either. I’m sure that’s what you were getting at, right? I’m here to study and that’s it. Well, that was how it was until I saw you. Something tells me that you are worth breaking the rules for.” Roxas watched Axel carefully, hoping he hadn’t said the wrong thing.

“I-I’m not sure what to say to that... . What makes me different? You must have guys asking you out all the time.”

Roxas fought back the urge to smother Axel’s face with kisses. “Well, first I thought you were really hot. But you never noticed me so it didn’t matter. And now that we’re hanging out I have fun with you. I like it when it’s just us and we can joke around. I just want to take a chance.“

“What if I never noticed you?” Axel’s brow furrowed.

“Then... nothing. Nothing would have happened, I guess. I asked Sora if he knew who you were but he didn’t, which was weird because Sora knows most people. Even if he did, I don’t know if I would have had the guts to talk to you. You’re out of my league.”

Before Roxas could blink, Axel had pressed their lips together again. Not that he would have stopped Axel, but now that Harry knew he was a wizard Roxas assumed Axel’s time threshold had been passed.

The kiss was more heated than the last. Roxas gladly let Axel’s tongue past his lips to massage his own. Axel rolled them both over and settled himself on top of Roxas, flanked by the man.

Roxas had dreamed about this; the reality was so much better. He also had other dreams, which were best forgotten for the time being. Those dreams were apparently off limits until Axel said otherwise.

Roxas wound his arms around Axel’s neck, fingers tangled in bright red spikes. He hoped that was the safest option. He didn’t want Axel to stop again. Having the sometimes-timid redhead above him was gratifying. Yet, much to Roxas’ dismay, Axel pulled away again, but didn’t move from on top of him.

Roxas hooked his ankles behind Axel. “Don’t move.”

Axel draped his body over Roxas and lay his head in the crook of the blond’s neck. “You really have to stop saying cute things.”

“Why would I do something stupid like that? I don’t remember what I said, but if it makes you kiss me I’m going to keep saying things.” His fingers idly ran through Axel’s hair and gently massaged his scalp.

Axel hummed contentedly. “That feels nice.”

“If you went to Hogwarts, what type of pet would you take?” Roxas asked, watching the movie again.

Axel chuckled against Roxas’ neck. “A cat.”

Roxas scoffed. “Why? You could have a cat _now_. An owl is the only acceptable answer. Oh, or a Pygmy Puff.”

“What is something you have always wanted to do?”

“Have something published.” Roxas hummed while thinking of his next question. “What’s the story behind those tattoos?”

Axel chuckled. “I wish I had an intelligent story behind them. No such luck. Demyx and I had just finished high school and finished half a bottle of gin between the two of us. Demyx decided we needed to get tattoos or piercings before we went to uni so people would know we were cool. So they would have to be obvious for people to see. Being the geniuses we are, we decided to pick each others. So I ended up with these,” Axel pointed to one of the tattoos under his eyes.

“What about Demyx?”

“I drew a picture of... hell, I’m still not quite sure. Looks like the bastard offspring of a turtle and a dog. He had it tattooed on his bicep. He got a tattoo of his sitar after that.”

“A tattoo of a wang. Nice.” Roxas chuckled. “Did you get any more?”

“You’ll have to find out.” Roxas felt Axel smirk against his neck. “Do you have any?”

“Maybe. Feel free to check.”

They talked all the way through the first movie, not that either of them minded. Before the second movie, the decided to take a break and stretch their legs outside of the fort.

“You know what would be really good right now? Ice cream,” Axel said as he brought back two glasses of water from the kitchen and set them down on the coffee table.

“Oh God yes. That would be good.”

“All right. I’ll go down in a second.”

“Come on,” Roxas clapped three times, fast. “Quick like a bunny.”

“You little shit,” Axel’s fingers went straight for Roxas’ stomach and tickled.

Roxas squeaked and squirmed, trying to get away from the long bony fingers.

The tickle fight turned into another kiss. Axel went and got the ice cream as soon as Roxas released him from a long passionate kiss. But Roxas thought it was a small price to pay for ice cream.

They both crawled back into the tent to eat sea salt ice cream and watch the second movie. That _was_ the plan, but they ended up paying even less attention to the second movie than the first.

Roxas enjoyed asking Axel strange questions like “If you were abducted by aliens, what would be the first thing you’d do when you got back to Earth?” or, “If you won the lottery but could only spend the money on the same thing over and over, what would it be?” Ice cream was the answer Axel gave, Roxas was pleased.

They talked and watched movies as it got dark. The fairy lights were turned on giving their pillow fort a dramatically more romantic feel. They kissed and asked more questions, getting to know each other until they eventually fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

-o.0.o-

Roxas had spent a bit of time learning about Social Anxiety Disorder. The acronym was SAD, which seemed to him like a cruel joke. He now knew he wasn’t likely to trigger it himself, which made him feel a lot more at ease. He no longer had to worry about being too bold or making the first move.

On reflection, it made sense why someone as sexy as Axel would have turned to camwhores. It would be difficult for him to meet people and ask them out. With a camwhore, they never had to meet and communication via the internet was less pressure than face-to-face.

Roxas couldn’t believe how lucky he was that out of all the camwhores Axel could have been watching, he had found Destiny. It felt too perfect to be true.

He had dressed casual, the same as he usually would for Hot.Stuff. He wanted to keep everything the same and just waited to see what would happen.

Roxas started a session as soon as Axel signed in. He was nervous for the first time since he had started camming. Would Axel want to keep seeing Destiny while he was dating Roxas? He didn’t know how he would feel about that... probably not good.

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Hey sweetie_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _Hey. I need to tell you something_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Go ahead_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _I asked a guy out_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Yeah? Is he sexy?_

Roxas almost asked “Is he sexier than me?” but he didn’t think he wanted that answer as either Roxas or Destiny. If he said no, then even though he was still talking about Roxas, it meant he liked the fake version of Roxas better. Roxas didn’t like that idea. He wanted Axel to like _him_ , not some camwhore. If he said yes then Destiny wasn’t doing his job properly. Much safer to just not ask at all.

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _Crazy sexy. I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to be so perfect._

Roxas’ stomach flipped. Axel thought he was sexy and perfect?

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Make sure you tell him that I said he has to treat you right_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _He will. But I’m going to have to stop doing this with you. I don’t feel comfortable with it while I’m dating_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Sounds serious_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _It is, or at least I hope it is_

Roxas’ stomach flipped again and he couldn’t keep from blushing. Axel really liked him.

Was Roxas looking for something serious? He didn’t think so before now. However, knowing Axel was, would mean he had a lot to think about later.

 **_Destiny:_ ** _So we won’t get to talk again?_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _No. This is my last session. If you hear from me again then something has gone wrong._

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _I’m happy to talk to you for the rest of the session so you still get paid. I feel bad that I couldn’t give you more notice_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _No, it’s fine. I don’t need notice, but thank you anyway. The past few months have been fun. There’s no need for you to hang around and talk to me when you could be naked with your new boyfriend._

Roxas briefly wondered if it was tacky to advocate for himself. Axel was being so sweet. Roxas was definitely going to do _something_ more than kiss Axel on their next date.

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _*groan* I wish but it’s only been one official date_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _And that somehow means you can't have sex?_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _Maybe next time. We’ll see_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _I can’t imagine that you would ever have trouble getting a guy to do whatever you want. I’ll give you a tip before you go: nibble at his earlobe. He’ll be on his knees for you instantly._

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _Really? His earlobe?_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _No one’s ever done that for you?_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _No_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Well then, do it to him and he’ll love it so much he’ll return the favour_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _I’ll give it a try. Thanks for everything, Destiny. It’s been fun talking to you_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Thanks, sweetie. Wednesdays just won’t be the same without you_

They wouldn’t be. Roxas knew they were about to be so much better, because now he had Axel instead of Hot.Stuff.

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _You'll have no trouble replacing me. You are good at what you do. You must have a waiting list a mile long of people wanting you for a private session._

Roxas did, but right now he wasn’t so sure he wanted to fill the empty slot. Having more time to spend with Axel would be nice. Perhaps someone would be open to one session a month. He still needed money after all.

 **_Destiny:_ ** _I do have a pretty long waiting list. Good luck with everything, you deserve it. Now shoo. Go spend time with your new man ;)_

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _Haha yeah, ok. I’m going. I’ll let Waterboy know you are free Wednesdays. I know he would love some private sessions_

Roxas cringed. There was no way he would be doing private sessions with _Demyx_ of all people. He didn’t know where to begin with how weird that would be.

 **_Destiny:_ ** _I can add his name to the list._

Roxas lied. That was never going to happen.

 **_Hot.Stuff:_ ** _Bye Destiny_

 **_Destiny:_ ** _Bye Hot.Stuff_

And with that, Axel signed out. He would have to tell Axel about Destiny. When was the best time to find out your boyfriend is a camwhore? Would Axel even mind? He had been a client after all. He couldn't be that against the idea.

Roxas jumped as his phone began to vibrate on his bedside table. He pushed open the room divider and reached for it.

Axel was calling.

“Hey,” Roxas answered.

_“I hope I’m not interrupting your work. Just wondering if you wanted to hang out or maybe get dinner.”_

Roxas grinned. “Sounds good. Should I drive to your place and we decide from there?”

_“Sure. That works. When do you finish work?”_

“I’m done for the day actually. I just need to get changed. I can be there in... about half an hour. Maybe less.”

 _“Awesome. See you soon._ ”

“Yeah. See you soon.” Roxas hung up and hurried to change his clothes before seeing Axel.


	8. Chapter 8 - The Second Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas plans their second date

“Nami!” Roxas yelled from his bedroom. 

Naminé appeared in the doorway a moment later. “What?”

“I don’t know what to wear,” he pouted. 

Naminé sighed and began looking through Roxas’ clothes. “Where are you going?” 

“Picnic and beach,” Roxas replied. 

“Picnic isn’t a place, idiot.” Naminé pulled out a simple blue t-shirt and white shorts. “There.”

“I can’t wear white! I’ll get it all dirty.”

“Then why do you own white shorts?” came the exasperated reply. 

“I didn’t know I shouldn’t wear white until I bought them.”

“Sweet mother of... .” Exasperated, Naminé put the white shorts back and pulled out a pair of slate grey shorts. “Here.” She tossed the clothing at Roxas. “Just take board shorts and a towel separately and get changed later. Take a jumper with you just in case. Are you sure it’s not going to be too chilly to go in the water?”

Roxas shrugged and pulled the shirt on over his head. “Should be fine. Water’s warm if the temperature is cold.” He pulled on the shorts Naminé handed him. 

“Did you check the weather?” 

“I looked out the window. No clouds.” Roxas grabbed a bag and packed his board shorts, a towel, a change of clothes, and a pair of thongs. Phone, keys, and wallet went into his pockets. 

“You are hopeless,” Naminé sighed. After a pause, she continued, “So when are you bringing Axel here for dinner? We could go out for dinner if you prefer. I want to meet Axel properly.”

“I’ll pencil it in for never. Does that work for you? I heard what you were telling him last time at the library,” Roxas shook an accusatory finger. 

Naminé smiled sweetly. “I don’t know what you mean. I only said nice things.”

“This is only the second date. You have plenty of time to freak him out later.“ Roxas did one last check and pat down of his pockets, to make sure he had everything he would need. “OK. I think I’m ready.” He gave Naminé a kiss on the cheek. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back. Probably not until after dinner.”

“All right. Have fun. Behave yourself.”

“Then which is it? Do I have fun or behave myself.”

Naminé smiled and rolled her eyes. “Poor Axel has no idea what he’s in for.”

“I know. There wouldn’t be a second date if he did,” Roxas grinned and picked up the bag of clothes. “See you later tonight.” He picked up the picnic basket from the kitchen bench and took the elevator down to the car park. 

He unlocked the car and put the picnic basket in the boot where he had already packed a blanket and a picnic blanket the day before. A box of wood had also been placed in the boot ready for the beach. He shoved in the bag of clothes in the already jam-packed space and slammed the boot shut and then got in the car.

The drive to Axel's was more annoying than usual. It was still the school break which meant there were more cars than usual on the roads. Everyone was in such a hurry that any driving skill they may have possessed had gone right out the window. Radiant Garden was always busy with tourists during the holidays. 

Roxas parked in front of Axel’s apartment block and hurried up to his apartment door and knocked. Only a few seconds passed before the door swung open and Axel appeared with a large smile. 

“Hey gorgeous,” Axel pulled Roxas into a hug and a quick kiss. 

“Hey,” Roxas smiled and rested his cheek against Axel’s chest to hide the blush. 

“Axel,” a whine came from somewhere in the living room. 

Roxas peered around Axel’s body to see Demyx on the couch. He suddenly felt a little bit faint as a realisation hit him. Demyx, the same Demyx on the couch, had seen him naked. He wasn’t  _ just _ a screen name, he was a real person... and Axel’s roommate. Axel’s best friend. 

Perhaps he shouldn’t tell Axel about Destiny. He didn’t want to cause any trouble between the two men. Especially since, as recently as two days ago, Demyx had been watching Destiny fuck himself with a dildo. If he just blocked Demyx from being able to view him, maybe that would prevent any further awkwardness. 

Axel would have to hate him if he learnt the truth. Roxas hated himself a little more right then. He didn’t want to hurt Axel.  _ Ever _ . 

What a nightmare. 

Roxas ducked back behind Axel, avoiding seeing Demyx. If he stayed out of sight there would be no chance Demyx would look at him and know his secret, however unlikely that would be. “Hey, Demyx.”

“Roxas, Axel said I have to ask you if I can come with you guys.”

“No, I said you couldn’t come. You said you’d ask Roxas,” Axel said over his shoulder before turning back to Roxas. “Can you just tell him ‘no’ so we can go?” 

“This is a date, but maybe you can come next time.” Roxas soothed, trying to keep the nervous tremble out of his voice. 

“People go on group dates,” Demyx sulked. 

“Yeah with other couples. Who are you bringing?” Axel waited as Demyx’s jaw open and closed a few times as he searched for words. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Axel picked up a bag of clothes from behind the door. “Bye.” Axel walked out the front door and closed it behind him. 

Roxas remained quiet, trying to fight off the new sickly feeling in his gut as they headed to the elevator, catching it down to the ground floor and walking out of the building to Roxas’ car. Axel threw his bag onto the back seat and got in the passenger side.

“Where are we going first?” Axel asked as Roxas got in the driver’s seat. 

“First we’re going for a picnic lunch at a lookout outside of town. It’s so much quieter out there. Found it last year when I was scoping out a good beach.”

The drive to the picnic spot, which Roxas chose, took over an hour. The further they got from the city, the quieter it was. Roxas chose the spot precisely because it was quiet, he didn’t want to go anywhere which would make Axel anxious. 

The lookout was up a steep dirt road which made Roxas wish his car was a four-wheel drive. All the holes in the road made him certain the car would need a wheel alignment when they got back to town. But it was a beautiful drive, a canopy of trees let a few rays of sunlight through the dense greenery. Roxas was happy he could share one of his favourite spots with Axel. 

Roxas parked the car in the allotted bays when they reached the top of the hill. They got out and stretched their legs with pleased hums. He was feeling better now that he was far away from Demyx. The fresh clean air helped as well. 

Taking the basket out of the car, Roxas began setting one of the long wooden picnic tables for lunch. 

“Anything I can do to help?” Axel asked as he came up behind Roxas and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“Nope. Sit and look pretty, I’ll do the rest.”

Axel gave Roxas a peck on the cheek then sat down on the greyish wooden bench. “Did you make all this?”

“Naminé helped with the pinwheel sandwiches and the rest was easy.”

Assorted pinwheel sandwiches were taken out of a container and placed neatly on a plate. A container of freshly cut up fruit salad was opened and put on the table next to the sandwiches. Lastly, a cheese platter was unwrapped and set out. 

Roxas’ eyes widened as he realised that he had almost forgotten the drinks. He raced back to the car and returned with two bottles of water and two of juice. 

“Wow, Rox. I can’t believe you did all this,” Axel said as he placed a few sandwiches on his plate. 

Roxas sat beside Axel and smiled. “It’s nothing. I’ll cook for you one day, then you can be impressed.”

“You will make such a good little housewife,” Axel pinched Roxas’ chin between his fingers. 

Roxas blushed and pulled his face away. He opened a bottle of water and took a sip. “What does that make you?”

“The sexy devoted husband and breadwinner, of course.” Axel grinned and took a bite out of a sandwich. 

Silence. How was Roxas supposed to respond to that? He knew Axel was joking around, but he had thought about that before. They were dating and he knew Axel wanted something serious so it was natural to think about their future domestic chemistry. But every time he did the future was murky. 

Where would they be in five years? Hell, where would they be in two years? Roxas never planned on living in Radiant Garden permanently. He was just there to study before moving on. And where would Axel be? If he didn’t take the position at the university, would he continue his studies at another university – a  _ better _ university? Or would he go straight to looking for a job at some fancy research lab? Both of those scenarios likely left Roxas alone at the end of the year when Axel finished his degree. That would be what Roxas thought he deserved for being with someone so far out of his league. 

Roxas hoped that Axel would stay in Radiant Garden. It’s where he grew up and statistically, people are likely to stay close to where they grew up. Axel was well adjusted, he had a good childhood, good memories of Radiant Garden. Would that be where Axel would want to stay? 

Was that where Roxas wanted to stay? 

Roxas had grown fond of Radiant Garden. It was a beautiful place. Big enough to live and work in. He enjoyed the colours that the leaves turned in autumn on the trees that lined the main roads. It was a little humid for his taste in summer, but it was close enough to beaches. It never snowed in winter, but the town still had a winter festival with an ice rink, artificial snow, and mulled wine. In spring the same open area which held the winter festival was turned into gardens, showcasing the award-winning tulips and roses. 

Radiant Garden was nothing like where Roxas grew up. He came from a tiny beachside town where the weather remained beach weather all year round. The smell of salt air blowing in through his window at night was what he missed most. It was calming, comforting. 

Radiant Garden didn’t have anything like that, but it did have his friends – his makeshift family who all meant the world to him. Naminé, Olette, Sora, Pence, and Riku were all he had in the world... until he met Axel. 

He didn’t want to be the type of person who planed their life around a boy. The type who would up and leave if their boyfriend did. He just wanted to be happy. And Axel made him happy. 

It was too soon to be worrying about such things. He didn’t even know if Axel wanted to keep him around for that long. The topic of the future could wait a few more months.

Roxas wondered if this was where he should bring up the relationship status question. Destiny mentioned the word ‘boyfriend’ and Axel didn’t correct him. Did that mean that Axel thought they were boyfriends? How should he even bring up a topic like that? 

Dating was too hard. Now Roxas remembers why he avoided relationships for so long. 

Maybe he’ll try to bring it up later when Axel won’t be stuffing his face with sandwiches. 

Roxas put a few sandwiches on his plate and began nibbling on one.

“You should come over one night during the week. I’ll kick Demyx out and I’ll make you dinner,” Axel said. 

“You cook?” Roxas turned sideways on the bench to see Axel properly. 

“Well, I can cook... adequately. I’ve yet to kill anyone. Demyx is still alive as proof.”

Roxas chuckled. “Well, I guess that’s all right then. How about Wednesday?”

Axel blinked a few times in thought before breaking into a large toothy smile. “Yeah. Wednesday would be fine. Let me know when you're done with work.”

Roxas shook his head. “No work on Wednesday. Lost a client.”

Would Axel somehow know that he was the client? Roxas wasn’t sure he wanted Axel to know. Testing the water a little bit wouldn’t hurt. 

Axel frowned. “Oh, that sucks. Sorry.”

“It’s OK. Really. We have more time to do stuff now. I probably won’t bother replacing them.”

Axel gave Roxas a sidelong glance. “You aren’t doing that for me are you?”

Roxas chuckled. “I promise that I got no say in the matter. Why? Would you prefer to only see me two days a week instead of three?”

“No. Three’s good. I’ll take what I can get,” Axel answered quickly. 

“I was joking, but good to know,” Roxas smiled at Axel. “Do you really want to spend more time with me?” he asked quieter, nervous about any answer to the question. 

“Of course. Is that a problem?”

Roxas frowned. “No. I just can’t remember anyone else ever wanting me around more.”

“Their loss.” Axel leaned in and kissed Roxas, returning the smile to his face. “I’ll take all the time you are willing to give.”

Fairly sure that his heart had skipped a beat, Roxas rested his chin on Axel’s shoulder looking at him adoringly. “You’re a sap. But since you’re so sweet I’ll allow it.”

Axel’s head turned towards Roxas’ face and something about his expression softened. “You have to stop looking at me like that,” he said pressing a kiss to Roxas’ lips. 

“Like what?” 

“Like  _ that. _ ” Axel’s arm went around Roxas’ waist and pulled him closer. “Those big blue eyes will be the death of me.”

Since neither of them were interested in eating anymore, they packed up and got back in the car. Roxas drove towards the beach as Axel busied himself creating a playlist of songs that Roxas ‘would love if he just gave them a chance.’

“Stop h-,” Axel began, his gaze somewhere out the window.

“It’s hammer time, in the name of love, or collaborate and listen?”

“None, you big nerd. Stop in the parking lot. You passed it,” Axel chuckled. 

“Oh, right.” Roxas performed a U-turn and pulled into the small gravel parking lot of the beach. 

It was just as Roxas had hoped, no other people. They had the whole beach to themselves, but that was probably due to the cooler weather. It was much less windy down there than it had been at the lookout. Roxas had expected bigger waves than he saw. Not that it mattered, he wasn’t here to surf this time. 

With Axel’s help, he unloaded the few items they needed from the car and took them to a nice spot on the beach. They unfolded and lay out a picnic blanket, the kind with the plastic lining underneath, and dropped their bags on top. 

Axel looked between Roxas and the water. “Um, how are we getting changed?”

“There’s a toilet block over to the right of the car park, or you could wrap a towel around your waist and change like that.” Roxas smirked, “Or...,” he pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw it down on the blanket, “you could just get changed.” He plucked open the button on his shorts, “I promise I won’t look.”

Axel’s eyes followed the movement of Roxas’ hands. “But it’s a public beach,” he muttered. 

Slowly Roxas dragged down the zip, enjoying Axel watching him. “But no one else is around. It’s just us and I already promised I wouldn’t look.”

Eyes still followed hands. “Yeah,” Axel nodded and swallowed heavily. 

Revelling in the way Axel appeared hypnotised, Roxas pulled down his shorts. Slowly, but not enough to let Axel know he was enjoying it. Just a little bit of Destiny was coming out. He loved being watched. Shorts pooled around his ankles and he kicked them off, fingers dipping beneath the elastic of his boxer briefs. 

Suddenly, Axel snapped out of it and turned quickly to face the water. Shaky hands pulled off his shirt, hair remarkably bouncing back to its original shape. But now Roxas was staring. He knew he said he wouldn’t look, but clearly, he was an idiot. How could he not want to see more of that bare, creamy flesh? Axel really was exquisite. 

Unfortunately, the shirtless redhead was having a rather undesired effect on Roxas. He turned quickly, stripping off his boxers and pulling on his board shorts. Damn his over-excitable libido. 

He kept his back to Axel. The rustling of clothing informed him that Axel was changing into board shorts. Digging around in his bag, Roxas pulled out the tube of sunscreen, popping the cap and beginning to apply it to his body. 

“Damn it. Knew I would forget something,” Axel sighed. 

“What did you forget?” Roxas still didn’t turn around, instead focusing on rubbing the white cream into his arms. 

“Sunscreen.”

“Use mine.” Roxas squirted a big dollop of sunscreen into the palm of his hand then held the tube up over his head. 

“Thanks,”  Axel took the tube. “I’ve already changed. You can turn around now.”

“Could you do me a favour and do my back for me?”

“Only if you do mine.”

“Deal.” Roxas finished rubbing the cream into his chest, legs, and face then stood up and used the leftover cream to cover Axel’s back as Axel covered his arms. 

With a little help from each other, they finished with the sunscreen within five minutes. Roxas headed towards the water, Axel followed a few steps behind until they reached the wet sand of the swash zone. Axel stayed on the sand as Roxas went into the water. 

“Are you coming in?” Roxas walked out until the waves lapped around his knees. 

Axel regarded the water hesitantly but got closer anyway. A wave came in, swirling water around the man’s ankles. He let out an undignified gasp and took a few quick steps back onto dry land. 

“Come on. It’s not that cold,” Roxas held out his hand. 

“No, it really is.”

Roxas walked back towards Axel until the water was ankle deep. “At least come in this far.”

Axel slowly walked forward and stood right in front of Roxas. It earned him a bright smile and the blond’s arms around his neck and a kiss. 

But Roxas had a plan. He waited until Axel was getting into the kiss before moving back a tiny bit at a time. It worked until the water was a quarter of the way up his calf. Axel put his hands under Roxas’ thighs and lifted him. Roxas wrapped his legs around Axel’s waist, almost forgetting he had a plan in the first place. But he remembered as Axel turned and carried him back towards the dry sand. He couldn’t help but chuckle into the kiss at the sneaky redhead. 

Axel carried him back to the blanket, slowing significantly over the dry sand, and sat down with Roxas on his lap. “That almost worked.”

Roxas grinned and shrugged. “It was worth a shot. It is getting a little cold out here. How about we move on to my next plan?”

“It isn’t another one to get me into that cold water, is it?”

“Nope. This one is warmer.”

-o.0.o-

Roxas threw Axel the car keys after they had packed everything back into the boot. The redhead fumbled but caught the keys. 

“You sure you want me to drive?” 

Roxas nodded and got in the passenger seat. “We aren’t going far.”

The driver’s side door was opened and Axel got in. Roxas watched as Axel gingerly adjusted the car seat for his height, then adjusted the mirrors. Once satisfied, he put the key in the ignition and drove. 

Roxas directed Axel to their next location, one beach over. He had been there with his friends last year. It was a beautiful long beach with white sand, and the icing on the cake, places to build bonfires. 

Axel parked the car and they both got out to unload the firewood out of the back. They carried the box over to one of the metal cages provided to contain the fires. Roxas left Axel to start building the fire while he went back and collected a few more items from the car. 

The picnic blanket was spread out over a patch of sand about one and a half meters from where the fire would be and a plastic grocery bag dropped on top. 

By the time they got the fire going it was coming to the end of sundown. The sky over the water was full of bright colours to rival the fire. 

It took Roxas a while to lure Axel away from building the fire. Everything Roxas wasn’t holding onto got thrown in and went up in flames. Before long, the fire was raging. Roxas lay back on the blanket propped up on his elbows watching Axel throw the remainder of the cardboard box, which once held the firewood, into the fire. 

Patting the spot next to him, Roxas eventually got Axel to sit down next to him and watch the flames rather than fuel them. 

“Having fun?” Roxas asked with an amused smirk. 

“This is the best date ever. You’ are awesome,” Axel kissed Roxas’ cheek. 

Roxas sat up and opened the plastic grocery bag, pulling out a large bag of marshmallows and two long-handled roasting forks. He handed one fork to Axel and opened the bag of marshmallows. 

“I haven’t roasted marshmallows for  _ years _ .” Axel jammed a marshmallow onto the end of his fork and sat at the edge of the picnic mat closer to the fire. 

“Thought it might be fun. I’m more than likely just going to end up in a sticky mess though,” Roxas said, moving forward and poking the fork prongs through a marshmallow before holding it near the flames. 

“In the fire!” Axel exclaimed as he put the marshmallow in the flames. 

“No. Not in -,” Roxas sighed. “Yeah. See, now it’s burnt.”

Axel pulled the blackened marshmallow out of the flames and frowning at it. “I don’t remember that happening so fast.”

“Chuck it and try again,” Roxas said, bringing his perfectly toasted marshmallow towards him and gingerly poking at it with one finger

Axel waved the fork trying to fling the marshmallow off without touching it. It wasn’t working. It did, however, work to launch Roxas into a giggle fit. 

“Oh my  _ God _ . I didn’t mean to literally chuck it. Give me that before you poke your own eye out,” Roxas swapped forks with Axel and pulled off the charred blob and discarded it in the grocery bag. He put a new marshmallow on the fork and went about toasting it. 

Axel pulled the toasted marshmallow off the fork with his teeth. “Oo ha ood af dish.”

Roxas blinked and took a moment to work out Axel had said ‘you are good at this’. “When I first started uni and met Sora and Riku, we would all come here every chance we got while the weather was still warm. Sora and I were pretty competitive about our marshmallow skills. The girls would eventually refuse to eat any more sugar, which left us with Riku as the judge. Sora always won, but that’s only because he bribed the judge with sex and blowjobs. My marshmallow skills were totally better,” he pinched part of the marshmallow and pulled apart the gooey blob and sucked it off his fingers. 

“Damn it. How do you manage to make marshmallows sexy?” 

Roxas decided to take a chance. He put down the fork and crawled onto Axel’s lap. He took Axel’s fork as well and tossed it somewhere to the side. 

“Nawww my marshmallow...” Axel whined. 

Roxas pulled back slightly. “Are you serious?”

“No! Sorry.” Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas’ waist, pulling him close. “No. Shut up and kiss me.” 

“Gladly.” Pushing their lips together for a moment, Roxas melted against Axel’s body and deepened the kiss. 

Axel held him by the hips and began nibbling on his earlobe.

Roxas couldn’t keep the small breathy laugh in. Axel was actually following Destiny’s advice. He was really good with his mouth too. But did that mean... that Axel was trying to get Roxas ‘on his knees’ as Destiny had said?  

“What are you laughing at?” Axel asked with a firm squeeze of Roxas’ arse.  

“It tickles a little. Don’t stop though.” Roxas worked his hands up under Axel’s shirt, fingers taking in his texture and warmth. A very noticeable shiver ran down his spine as Axel’s warm breath hit his neck. 

“Feel good?” Axel’s voice was rough and low as he spoke against Roxas’ ear. 

“Mmm yeah,” Roxas moaned. He was sure that Axel’s voice alone could talk him to orgasm. 

Axel’s lips began moving down Roxas’ neck. Teeth scraping and nipping intermittently anywhere that drew sounds from the man. Hands made their way up under the back of Roxas’ shirt, holding him close and gliding over the skin. 

Fighting the urge to roll his hips was getting harder, but Roxas didn’t want to push his luck. As much as he would love to hear Axel moan, he didn’t want to put Axel into a position where he would have to tell Roxas to stop. He didn’t want Axel to be uncomfortable. He just let Axel do what he wanted and decide how far he wanted this to go. Roxas simply enjoyed having Axel’s hands on his body and lips on his neck. 

As Axel’s hands wandered lower, Roxas’ stomach turned into a butterfly enclosure with the winged beasts bouncing from the walls. The large hand hovered the slightest bit above his pants button seeming to have second thoughts before quickly plucking open the button and pulling the zipper down. Roxas gasped, his heart quickened... but that damn hand only dipped in the back of his pants – over his underwear. Not what Roxas had been hoping for. 

Roxas unlatched Axel’s mouth from his neck. The firelight gave a warm glow to Axel’s cheeks. The flickering of the flames made his red hair shine and look like flames itself. For a moment, Roxas was awestruck. No longer frustrated with the large hand which was still groping his backside, just grateful someone like Axel was interested in him at all. 

Leaning in, Roxas pulled Axel into a sweet kiss, cupping the man’s cheek in one hand, the other lightly massaging where red hair ended and smooth neck began. Axel shivered and Roxas smiled against his lips. 

“Getting cold?” Roxas asked, rubbing Axel’s arms to warm him. 

“Yeah, a little.”

“Want to go?”

“Yes and no. I want to get out if the cold but I don’t want the night to end yet.”

“We’ll get back in the car and get warm. I know a cafe which might still be open. We can get a hot drink and decide what to do from there. Sound good?” Roxas gave Axel one last kiss, hoping it wouldn’t be the last kiss of the night. 

“Sounds really good.” Axel kissed Roxas soundly. “Kinda don’t wanna hafta move. I like having you on my lap.”

“That can happen whenever you like,” Roxas winked. 

Axel chuckled. The hand down Roxas’ pants gave a squeeze. “I would keep you there twenty-four seven.”

“Pretty sure that would make driving unsafe and things like showering would be... interesting.” Showering with Axel would be hot. Roxas liked that idea. 

“I’m game if you are,” Axel grinned. 

“I’m game. So, at least one part of me has to stay on your lap for it to count, right?”

“What are you thinking?”

“Really dirty things,” Roxas grinned and kissed Axel. “Come on. Let’s go get you out of the cold.” He stood and held out his hand and helped Axel up, then did his pants back up. 

They packed everything back into the car. Roxas turned the heat on to keep Axel warm and drove towards the nearest town. He spotted a cafe that was still open and slowed the car. 

“Still want a warm drink?” Roxas asked. 

Axel nodded. “Sounds good.”

Roxas parked curbside and they got out and quickly went into the cafe. It was warmer inside and empty of any other customers. It looked like the cafe was in the process of closing up for the night. They approached the counter together, reading the menu on the chalkboard.

A young man stepped up to the register with an annoyingly perky smile. “Hi. What can I get for you?”

“Hot Chocolate, please.” Roxas looked at Axel. “What are you having?”

“Same.”

“Two hot chocolates, thanks.”

The man picked up two take away cups and a marker. “Can I please get your name?”

“Roxas.”

“Oh,” the man winked. “I like your name.”

Roxas looked up at Axel with a confused look before looking back at the man. “Uh, thanks. My parents gave it to me for my birthday.”

Next to him, Axel made a sharp noise as part of a laugh escaped which he quickly covered with a fake cough.

The man wrote  _ ‘Roxas’ _ on the cups. “That’ll be $12.40, thanks.”

Roxas paid for the drinks and they sat at a nearby table to wait for their order.

“I like your name,” Axel fluttered his eyelashes.

“Oh shut up,” Roxas smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Let’s hope he’s not so distracted by your pretty blue eyes that he can’t make a simple drink.”

A slow smile crossed Roxas’ face. “Are you a little jealous?”

“I’m not -...,“ Axel sighed. “Fine. I am.”

Roxas stood and walked around the small cafe table. He threw one leg over Axel’s legs and sat in his lap. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Axel uttered softly. “God, you are amazing.” He raised his hand and stroked Roxas’ cheek. 

“Roxas,” the barista called out. 

Roxas quickly pecked Axel on the lips and then collected their drinks from the counter. He handed one to Axel. “How do you feel about drinking these in the car?”

“Sounds good.” 

They got back into the warm car and away from the barista. Roxas was over the moon that something as simple as another man winking at him could make Axel jealous. It was a good day. 

They drank their hot chocolates in the warm car on the drive back to Axel’s apartment. The kiss goodbye turned into a steamy make-out session out the front of the apartment block. Roxas, once again, ended up back in Axel’s lap. It was getting harder and harder to pull himself away from Axel. 

It was then that it hit Roxas full force, this was what he wanted. He wanted Axel as his boyfriend. He wanted to stay in Radiant Garden for as long as Axel would have him. 

 


	9. Chapter 9 - Everyone Knows What The Third Date Means

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel has planned their third date. A bit of wine. A bit of food. A bit of...

Once again, Roxas got Naminé to help him pick an outfit to wear. She picked out a dark blue paisley button-down shirt and black jeans. Roxas looked pretty good, in his own opinion. 

“So… ,” Naminé had an impish grin on her face. Roxas didn’t think the look was suited to his friend’s delicate and feminine features. “Third date right?” 

“Yeah...  why?” Roxas gave her a sidelong glance. 

“It’s the third date. Everyone knows what that means,” she said with a giggle. 

“And what’s that?” Roxas asked smoothing down his shirt in front of the mirror. 

“Third date is the sex date.”

“I must have missed that memo. It won’t be though.”

At least that was what Roxas had convinced himself of. If Axel did change his mind, Roxas would have his clothes off so fast that Axel would think they were fastened with Velcro. 

“Why not?” Naminé asked, fixing Roxas’ collar. 

“Axel doesn’t want us to rush things and I’m ok with that. He’s not ready so I’m not even going to mention it. He’ll let me know when he wants to take the next step.” Roxas shrugged, “I’ll wait as long as he needs me too.”

“Wow. Sounds serious. You really like him, huh?” Naminé’s eyes met Roxas’ in the mirror’s reflection. 

Roxas nodded, “I really do.”

“So, he’s your boyfriend?”

“I haven’t been brave enough to ask. I don’t know if it’s too soon for labels. If he says no I’ll be crushed, so I’d rather not deal with it.”

Naminé turned Roxas around to face her and smiled softly. “He obviously likes you, Rox. Since you met him, you two have spent time together multiple days per week. You don’t do that with someone you don’t like. Ask him tonight. At the very least you will know where you stand. And of course, the best outcome would be that Axel wants to be your boyfriend.”

Roxas sighed and hugged Naminé to his chest. “What would I do without you?”

“Flail around like a fish out of water, obviously. Now,” she held Roxas at arms length and assessed his clothing. “You are all good to go. Make sure you take a condom, just in case.”

“Anything to get you to stop talking about it.” Opening his bedside drawer, Roxas pulled a condom out of the box and held it up for Naminé to see. “Happy?” He put the foil packet into his wallet. 

“Yep.” Naminé went to leave the room but paused at the doorway for a moment. The slight sound of the swish of her skirt as she turned, was the only thing that told Roxas she hadn’t left. “If you weren’t nervous then you should be worried. Being nervous means you like him and care what he thinks about you. Being nervous is a good thing.”

Naminé exited the room, leaving Roxas to his thoughts. He sat on his bed and rubbed his temples with both index fingers, feeling a tension headache coming on. The room divider caught his eye giving him a new topic to worry about. 

Would it be best to tell Axel the truth about Destiny? Now he was worried that Axel would decide tonight was the night that he wanted sex. He didn’t know if it was dishonest to not tell Axel before they slept together. Did it make him a bad person to not want to tell Axel in case the man changed his mind about Roxas all together? Probably. 

What if Axel decided that they would have sex but as soon as he saw Roxas naked he recognised Destiny? He had no tattoos, birthmarks, or freckles that would make it obvious. But Axel had been looking at his body for so long that he might just  _ know _ anyway. Roxas really hoped that his old webcam gave such a bad pixelated picture that Axel wouldn’t notice. 

Roxas’ stomach turned and he began to feel nauseated. He really wished he had someone to talk to about this. 

-o.0.o-

Roxas arrived at Axel’s apartment and knocked on the door. He was really hoping that Axel would give him a glass of wine to calm his nerves. He was still feeling queasy and couldn’t handle even the thought of dinner without feeling as though his stomach would revolt. 

Axel opened the door wearing his usual toothy grin. “Wow. You look hot.” He moved aside and let Roxas in, closing the door behind him. 

Roxas didn't think he looked particularly special. But Axel did. Axel would look good no matter what he wore. He looked particularly good in the fitted plain black button down shirt and tight dark blue jeans he was currently wearing. His hair was spiked to perfection, not a hair out of place. 

Roxas smiled to himself as he toed off his shoes at the door. Axel had done all that for Roxas. They weren't planning on leaving the apartment, at least not to Roxas’ knowledge. 

“So do you,” Roxas pecked Axel on the lips. “Mmmm something smells good.” Axel smelled divine, but there was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen. 

“Dinner. Told you I can cook,” Axel cocked his hip. 

“Anything I can help with?” 

“Yep. Come to the kitchen and look gorgeous while I finish up.” Axel led the way to the kitchen. He tapped the bench near where he was cooking, indicating for Roxas to sit.

Roxas hopped up on the bench. At least now he could see what Axel was cooking. A wok on the stove top had an assortment of vegetables, tofu, and a sauce that smelled really good. 

“There we go. Gorgeous,” Axel smiled at Roxas. “I hope this is OK. I forgot to ask what you like and allergies and stuff. I think I remember you saying you didn’t like beans so I left them out and added snap peas instead.”

And just like that Roxas’ nerves began to settle. It seemed that being smitten was a higher priority to his brain than being nervous. 

“That looks really good. I don’t have food allergies by the way. I’m surprised you remember that I hate beans.” Roxas smiled and bit the corner of his lip. Axel was so sweet that Roxas thought he may do something pathetic like swoon. That would be embarrassing. Probably only a little more embarrassing than how much he was currently blushing. 

Axel got two plates out of a cupboard to Roxas’ right and placed a portion of rice on each, followed by the stir-fry on top. “All right. Follow me to the table.” He waited for Roxas to hop off the bench and follow him to the dining table, where he placed the plates down at the two table settings. He then pulled out a chair for Roxas. “Sit please,” Axel said with a slight bow and a flourish of his hand. 

“Thank you, good sir.” Roxas sat in the chair. 

“Just gotta grab two more things from the kitchen.” Axel left and returned with a basket of warm dinner rolls and a bottle of white wine. “I have no idea if this is good,” he said popping open the bottle of wine and poured a glass each. “I don’t really drink wine. So if it sucks there’s beer in the fridge.”

Roxas took a sip of wine. “Tastes good,” he said with a nod. 

“Thank fuck for that.” Axel sat at the dining table,  opposite Roxas.

Axel made small talk through dinner. Roxas thought Axel was probably just babbling nervously. It was curious, but he didn’t mind. It was pretty adorable actually. 

By the time Axel had discussed the wine, noodles, weather, and the last movie he’d watched he appeared to finally realise he was babbling. He gave Roxas an apologetic smile and reached across the table to squeeze his hand. Axel didn’t let go the whole way through dinner. It made eating difficult but neither of them minded, it was preferable to parting. 

Next, Axel hooked his feet behind Roxas’ ankles. To Roxas, this was beginning to feel... intimate. Axel rarely initiated contact, it was usually always Roxas. Was this why Axel didn’t suggest a restaurant? Roxas thought Axel chose his apartment because of his social anxiety. But now... now he didn’t know what to think. He only knew what he  _ hoped  _ for. 

His heart skipped a beat at the mere thought of Naminé being right. Maybe Axel did want to be his boyfriend. The hand holding and cooking dinner were pretty relationship-ish. Perhaps it was finally the right time to ask. 

Axel cleared their plates after they finished, dumping them into the sink and returned to the dining area. “Would you like dessert?”

Roxas drained the rest of the wine from his glass. “Maybe later. I’m kinda full.”

Axel nodded, tapping his fingers on the back of the chair. 

“What’s wrong?” Roxas knew Axel’s nervous behaviours by now. It was clear that something was worrying him. 

Axel scratched across his forehead with his thumb a few times. “So I have something I want to ask but I’m not sure how.”

“Just ask. I won’t bite. Wait, should I be worried?” A slight frown on his face. 

“No, I don’t think so.” Axel pulled a chair over and sat beside Roxas. He let out a long exhale to calm himself and turned in his seat towards Roxas. “I know we’ve only known each other for, like, two months or something like that, but I really have to ask before I can get to the next bit. I mean, this is the third date and all... .”

Roxas thought he was about to have a heart attack or pass out. His heart was thumping hard in his chest. He had two guesses where the conversation would lead: either Naminé was right about the third date thing; or Axel was about to bring up the boyfriend topic. At least, he really hoped it was one of those two. If he was wrong he may just cry. 

Axel growled in frustration and stared down at his hands in his lap. “What I’m trying to say is, it’s been fun getting to know you and spending time with you. And I know it might be too soon, if it is it’s fine. But... ,” Axel’s gaze rose to look Roxas in the eyes. “Um... will you be my boyfriend?”

Roxas was so relieved that he launched himself at Axel, kissing him passionately and sitting in his lap. His hands framed Axel’s face, and he could taste the tang of wine on Axel’s tongue as it pushed against his own. When he finally needed a full breath of air in his lungs he pulled away and answered, “Yes. God, of course, I will. I was going to bring it up myself tonight. You beat me to it.” He smiled and rested his forehead against Axel’s. 

Arms went around Roxas’ waist. “Which brings me to my second question. Since it is the third date and all, would you like to spend the night?”

Roxas felt his eyes grow wide. “Please don’t be teasing me. It isn’t nice to tease me like this.”

Axel smiled a beautiful genuine smile that made Roxas’ heart speed up to a near impossible speed. “I’m not teasing. We have the place to ourselves until tomorrow afternoon. We’ll only go as far as you want to. I’d be happy just to get a chance to fall asleep and wake up with you again.”

Roxas definitely remembered their first date when they fell asleep together on the floor. He was particularly fond of the memory. Pressing his lips back to Axel’s, Roxas felt so full of warmth and happiness he could explode. For a reason unknown to Roxas, Axel actually wanted to keep him around. He wanted to do everything possible to prove to Axel that he would make sure he was worthy. 

That, unfortunately, would mean telling him about Destiny. But not right then. Not while Axel’s tongue was in his mouth and hands on his body... and various other excuses which were just that, excuses. 

“I know it’s early still, but how would you feel about going to bed now?” Axel affectionately pushed back the hair from Roxas’ forehead. 

“Best idea you have had so far,” Roxas grinned. “Let me know if you have any more ideas like that. I’m sure I could make them happen,” he gave a cheeky wink. 

Axel hummed in thought as his lips ghosted down Roxas’ neck making him tingle all over. “What if I wanted to take you right here?”

Roxas’ fingers deftly plucked open Axel’s shirt buttons. “I like that idea too.” He ran his hands over the exposed skin. “I’ll like any idea in which you take me soon.”

Axel groaned and bit down on Roxas’ collarbone. “My room. Now,” Axel growled. He helped Roxas up then briskly led him to the bedroom with all the urgency of two horny teenagers with their parents out of town. 

Roxas was pinned against the wall as soon as they were through the doorway. Bites, sucks, and kisses were placed over his neck as Axel worked on getting Roxas’ shirt open. Roxas was fairly sure he caught the sound of a button popping off and hitting the floor, but was far too aroused to care if it did or where it went. 

Shirts were shed and discarded and forgotten on the floor around their feet, in favour of skin-to-skin contact. Pants didn’t last much longer than their shirts before joining them on the floor. Two pairs of hands caressed and stroked new territories, Axel’s at Roxas’ waist and hips, Roxas’ over arms and shoulders. 

A thrust of Axel’s hips and Roxas’ eyes rolled back and his head lightly thumped against the wall. Knowing Axel was just as hard as he was gave him a surge of confidence. He rolled his hips against Axel’s, hardened shafts rubbed together through the thin barriers of their underwear. A gratifying wave of warmth and pleasure coursing through his veins. Axel sucked Roxas’ bottom lip between his teeth as Roxas earned his first moan from the man. He already wanted to hear more. 

Axel’s fingers slid under the elastic waistband of Roxas’ boxers, pushing them down tortuously slow as his hands ran over the newly exposed skin. Underwear was kicked away as soon as possible so Roxas could rid Axel of his. He wasn’t expecting to feel so much nervous anticipation. He was almost more nervous than his first time, just a different type of nervousness. This was an excited nervous. He knew what to expect as far as the act of sex went. But this was  _ Axel _ . Drool-worthy, so-sexy-it-should-be-illegal Axel. 

As hands groped his bare arse and lips were reconnected, Roxas slid Axel’s boxers down his hips as far as he could without ending the kiss. Axel removed them the rest of the way then wrapped his arms around Roxas’ waist, slowly walking backwards towards the bed. 

Axel’s touch was so soft, so gentle. He wasn’t trying to  _ take _ from Roxas. He was coaxing out every sound and movement from him. Nothing felt forceful. Roxas felt... safe, cherished, even. He wasn’t used to being treated like he was special or breakable, and he never really expected to. Axel touched him as though he couldn’t get enough and every sound Roxas made was a reward for finding places he liked to be touched or kissed. 

They stood naked in front of each other in the pale light coming into the room from down the hall. It was dark, but they could see well enough. Roxas’ eyes eagerly drank Axel’s body in. Toned chest, toned stomach, down the patch of kinked red hair – a few shades darker, interesting. Eyes lowered to Axel’s engorged penis. Thick and long and as perfect as any other part of the man. A bead of clear fluid already collected at the tip. 

It was unfair to the mere mortals how beautiful Axel was. Humans have bumps, scars, stretch marks. Imperfections. Roxas couldn’t see even the smallest imperfection anywhere on Axel’s form. 

Looked back up and meeting Axel’s eyes, he saw the same burning lust sure to be seen in his own. Then something else... doubt? No, not doubt. Just nerves and it flickered away as fast as it appeared. Roxas decided to put the nervousness down to the way he was so openly staring at Axel. 

He pulled Axel down to kiss him. Trying to convey with just his lips and tongue how amazing Axel was, how much Roxas wanted him, how... utterly perfect he was. He pressed their bodies together, basking in the warmth of the taller man. He wanted to convey just how much he wanted to see that body writhe in pleasure and arch off the mattress. The promise of making Axel feel incredible. Promise Axel will never want anyone else. 

At least part of his silent message must have been understood because suddenly he was on his back on the cool sheets of Axel’s bed with the redhead over him. That wasn’t quite the plan Roxas had in mind, but anything where Axel was touching him like that was perfect for the moment. 

One of Axel’s hands was tangled in blond spikes while the other ran down Roxas’ side, to his hips, moving behind to Roxas’ arse cheek and caressed. Roxas moaned into Axel’s mouth and lifted his legs, hooking them over Axel’s hips. 

“Nnh... you are so sexy, Rox,” Axel muttered between kisses

Axel’s arm shot out and fumbled around in the drawer of his nightstand, returning a moment later with a bottle of lube. The man detached himself from Roxas only long enough to squirt the clear gel onto his hand. Axel used his thighs to push Roxas’ legs further apart before his lips returned to Roxas’ and his hand made its way between legs. One finger traced around puckered skin before gently slipping inside Roxas making him gasp against Axel’s lips. 

Axel’s lips moved down to Roxas’ neck as he slid a second finger alongside the first. Roxas moaned softly next to Axel’s ear, feeling a slight stutter in the movement of the man’s hand and a shiver before his fingers curled inside Roxas making him moan Axel’s name louder. 

Roxas prayed he could maintain some ounce of self-control despite Axel’s long skilful fingers that seemed determined to make him lose it. The thin threads holding Roxas together began snapping as Axel left a trail of warm open-mouthed kisses down his body, making his way to nip at the inside of Roxas’ thighs and eyes fixed on watching his fingers disappearing inside Roxas’ body. 

Roxas writhed and arched his back on the bed as Axel continued to massage his prostate. The intense heat was building within him and his muscles were trembling as he moaned more than he ever had in his whole existence. He wanted to pull Axel up to kiss him, bite him,  _ anything _ . The man was out of his reach, down between his thighs, placing trails of kisses and quick nips, sending electric pulses straight to his penis. 

Every nerve was on fire, sparking, wide awake and receptive to Axel’s touch. Roxas was sure he would lose his mind. His mind would be a garbled mess for the rest of eternity but it would be worth it. Actually, he wished it would. At least then that small voice in the back of his mind would be gone. That annoying voice that told him not to let Axel see him naked because he would see Destiny. However unlikely it was that Axel would be able to see much of anything in the darkroom, let alone piece together that he was Destiny. It was of no comfort. He tried to silence the voice because, right then, he didn’t want to be Destiny and he didn’t want Axel to be Hot.Stuff. He just wanted them to be Axel and Roxas. No one else. Simple and uncomplicated. 

“Axel,” Roxas whined. “I need you. Please.” Outstretched arms tried to reach for Axel.

Usually, Roxas would have taken control at this point by either taking the other man or getting on top and riding him. But Roxas didn’t mind this particular situation at all. There was nothing left of him but a moaning sweaty mess. And that was just from Axel’s  _ fingers _ . He needed to know if Axel was just as skilful with his cock. Roxas was happy to lay back and take it, so to speak. To just stay beneath Axel and get his brains utterly fucked out.

Bright green flickered up to his face. Axel slowly removed his fingers and crawled back over Roxas with a smirk.

“Getting too much for you, baby?” Axel hummed against Roxas’ throat.

Roxas nodded weakly, arms and legs holding Axel close and in place. “Please. Fuck me already.” He bucked his hips against Axel’s, feeling Axel’s hard cock rub on his abdomen, leaving a cooling trail of precome.

With a low guttural moan, Axel pulled back. “How could I ever say no to that?” Roxas reluctantly released Axel so he could reach into his bedside drawer and locate a condom. He sat back on his heels, tearing the foil open with his teeth as his eyes roamed over Roxas’ naked body. He rolled the condom down his length and discarded the package somewhere over the side of the mattress.

Roxas picked up the bottle of lube, squirting some into the palm of his hand then closed the bottle and tossed it to the other side of the bed. Rubbing his hands together to warm the lube, he sat up and spread the gel thoroughly over the condom with both hands. Axel gasped and leaned his forehead against Roxas’ shoulder as the blond stroked him, completely forgetting what he was supposed to be doing. Roxas listened to Axel pant harder as his hands moved faster.

“Fuck. Rox,” Axel moaned deeply. In one swift movement, he grabbed Roxas’ legs, pulling his hips up and tipping him back onto the bed. “You can do that as much as you want later. I need you,  _ now _ .” He adjusted their position slightly into something more comfortable on his legs and guided the head of his cock to Roxas’ eagerly awaiting arsehole. He paused. “I’m not going to hurt you, am I?”

As sweet and caring as Axel’s concern was, it made Roxas want to curse and throw something. Those few minutes of a dominant, cocky version of Axel had been so hot. “You won’t hurt me.  _ Please _ just fuck me,” Roxas begged. 

Very slowly, Axel pushed the head of his penis into Roxas. He carefully watched the blond’s face as it contorted in pleasure rather than pain. Obviously confident that he wasn’t going to hurt Roxas, he thrust in the rest of the way. 

“Oh  _ God!” _ Roxas moaned loudly, hands clenched in the sheets. 

Axel rocked his hips a few more times before leaning over Roxas and capturing his lips. Once again, Roxas’ arms and legs wrapped around the man, hanging on for dear life as Axel began thrusting into him faster. 

Arms hooked under Roxas’ legs, pushing his knees up and further apart, taking Roxas deeper.

The pressure in his groin was building far too quickly for Roxas’ liking. They had only just started, he didn’t want it to be over just yet. Unfortunately, his voice couldn’t form more than a whine to warn Axel. And it didn’t help that Axel was moaning his name, panting against Roxas’ sweat-soaked skin, and trembling. 

Then suddenly Axel slowed his thrusts, muscles in his arms shaking from the strain. “Sorry,” he panted against Roxas’ throat. “Don’t wanna come yet.”

Running his fingers through sweat dampened red hair and smiling, Roxas couldn’t agree more. Axel continued to lazily rock his body into Roxas as they both caught their breath. 

Soft kisses were placed across Axel’s forehead until Axel lifted his head and kissed Roxas back. Hands took the opportunity to feel over Axel’s arms, gliding down over curves of muscles and smooth skin, then back up again. Over broad shoulders and down Axel’s back, Roxas touched anywhere he could reach. He worked on memorising everywhere that made Axel purr or kiss him harder. 

Axel’s thrusts sped up the further down his back Roxas’ hands touched. Soon it was back to the same fast-paced thrusting as before, and once again they were enjoying the build-up to their climax together. Roxas didn’t want Axel to stop this time. 

Axel’s right hand felt it’s way down Roxas’ body until it could take hold of his erection and began pumping with the same rhythm as his thrusting. 

Roxas cried out in surprise and ecstasy as he hit the point of no return. His body buzzing with warmth for a split second before his orgasm tore through him, radiating outwards through his body as he released into Axel’s hand. 

With a few more thrusts Axel moaned, “Roxas...  _ Nnnhh _ Rox,” as he released, riding out his orgasm before collapsing. He nuzzled his face into Roxas’ neck as they enjoyed their afterglow and tried to catch their breath. 

Roxas blissfully ran his fingertips over Axel’s back as reality slowly returned. He felt Axel’s lips curl into a smile against his neck. 

“That was... ,” he tilted his head to be able to see Roxas’ face. “Incredible. It was fucking incredible.”

A small breathless chuckle bubbled out of Roxas. “It really was.” He hummed and kissed Axel. “ _ You _ are incredible,” he said as he idly twirled strands of red hair around his fingers. 

Axel lifted himself off of Roxas’ chest, supporting his weight on the palms of his hands. He kissed Roxas languidly and sweetly and moaned as the movement caused him to push further into Roxas’ body. “Damn,” he chuckled softly and carefully pulled his still half hard cock out of Roxas and discarded the condom. “You feel far too good,” he said, moving onto his side next to Roxas. “I’m already becoming addicted to you for sure.”

Roxas smiled lazily and rolled his eyes. “We’ve only just started. I have so much more for you to feel.”

Axel growled and softly bit Roxas’ shoulder. “Can’t wait.” With an arm around Roxas’ waist, he pulled the blond closer. His arm gliding through the come on Roxas’ stomach. “Mmm, we should shower before we get too comfortable and fall asleep.”

“Hmm,” Roxas dragged his finger up the underside of Axel’s penis. “Yeah OK,” he smirked and winked. “A shower sounds  _ good _ .” Standing from the bed with his back to Axel, Roxas stretched his arms over his head then looked over his shoulder. “Coming?” He walked from the room with Axel scrambling off the bed after him. 

 


	10. Chapter 10 - Peking Duck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. I haven't been well, but I wrote a little every day to get this done. Hopefully, it won't affect when other chapters are posted. Thank you for being patient.
> 
> We are halfway through the story!

Roxas woke before Axel the next morning. His lower back and arse were sore in the best possible way. Axel was fast asleep beside him, snoring softly and looking adorable. Peeling back the covers, Roxas very quietly got out of Axel’s bed, picking up his underwear and shirt from the floor and headed into the bathroom.

Roxas scrutinised his appearance in the mirror. He had dark circles under his eyes from only getting a few hours sleep and his hair was a mess. Last night had been so good he didn’t care.

He splashed some water on his face and swished some mouthwash, just in case of morning breath. His hair was a lost cause, he simply smoothed it with water. Slipping on his boxers and shirt, he noticed he was missing a button on it. Axel must have really wanted him naked because the thread holding the button had torn straight through the fabric.

Next, Roxas went through to the kitchen. He wanted to cook breakfast for Axel. Checking cupboard after cupboard, he finally located where Axel and Demyx kept their pots and pans. He pulled out a large frying pan and a saucepan, then raided the fridge for ingredients. French toast and eggs were achievable with what he found in the fridge and cupboards.

Naminé’s recipe for French toast was Roxas’ favourite. They had made French toast together so many times that he had the recipe memorised. He grabbed a shallow dish and mixed the ingredients together, then dipped the bread into the mixture and put it in the frying pan with a bit of melted butter. While the bread cooked, he began the scrambled eggs.

It was already nine thirty. He hoped he had enough time to finish cooking before Axel woke up. He had no idea what time Axel would usually get up on a weekend to know how much time he had to finish breakfast. He really wanted to surprise him.

Once breakfast was finished cooking, he served the French toast and scrambled eggs on two plates and put them on the dining table along with cutlery. Satisfied that the table was set neatly, Roxas returned to Axel’s room to wake him.

Axel was still sprawled out on his back fast asleep. Even first thing in the morning Axel looked gorgeous. His hair was mussed from sleep, spiking out every which way in thinner spikes than last night. It almost appeared as though he was wearing a red crown. Somehow, the red was less vivid when those beautiful eyes were closed. It was almost a shame to have to wake the man. Almost. Roxas didn’t have the patience to wait for Axel to wake up by himself.

Roxas walked around the bed and threw a leg over Axel’s hips to straddle him. He leaned down and kissed along Axel’s jaw to his ear. “Axel,” he said softly against Axel’s ear. His boyfriend stirred slightly but didn’t wake. “Axel. Time to get up. I made breakfast.”

Slowly, jade eyes open. “Roxas?” He looked around quickly and smiled. “Morning, gorgeous.” His hands slid up Roxas’ bare thighs. “Breakfast smells good.”

“It’s French toast. Hungry?”

Axel bucked his hips sending Roxas forward and kissed him. “Why are you dressed? I didn’t say you could get dressed,” the redhead teased.

“Didn’t know I needed permission.”

“You do. It’s a rule. Any short, blond-haired, blue-eyed boys named Roxas have to ask permission or they have to stay naked.”

“I’ve been in here before, I don’t remember that rule.”

“It’s a relatively new rule,” Axel replied, plucking open Roxas’ shirt buttons.

“I see. What about at the breakfast table?” Now that his shirt was opened, Axel was slowly peeling it off him.

“Even at the breakfast table.” Roxas’ shirt was thrown back on the floor from whence it came.

Roxas watched his shirt fall to the floor with amusement. “Fine. Just come have breakfast before it gets cold.”

“I don’t want to get out of bed yet,” Axel said huskily, his hands disappearing under Roxas’ underwear to caress his arse.

Roxas chuckled and stood up, looking through Axel’s drawer. “We can always go back to bed, but I seem to remember you promising last night to take me at the dinner table.” He removed two condoms from the box and closed the drawer.

One thin red eyebrow raised. “Two?”

“Oh,” Roxas tilted his head innocently. “You think we’ll need more?”

Axel gave a surprised laugh. “Dear God. You are perfect, you know that?” He stretched, arching his barely sheet-covered body, then got out of bed, not bothering with clothes.

“I don’t know about that,” Roxas muttered, slipping the condoms under the waistband of his boxers. He knew he was far from perfect, but if Axel wanted to think so, he wasn’t going to spoil it. He grabbed hold of Axel’s hand and led him out to the dining table.

“I can’t believe you did all this,” Axel uttered as he sat at the table. Before Roxas could move, he pulled him onto his lap and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Roxas blushed. “You’re welcome. It was no trouble. It’s just French toast. Any idiot can make French toast.”

“I’ve never tried. I’d probably burn down the whole apartment block,” Axel smiled wryly.

Roxas took hold of the cutlery and cut a bite-sized piece of French toast. He speared the piece with the fork and held it out to Axel who happily ate it.

“Mmm. Rox, you are a good cook. I may have to keep you here forever.”

“Just to cook for you?” Roxas asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Amongst other things.”

“I may cook, but I don’t clean. You’re out of luck with turning me into your maid.”

“No, I can think of better uses for you,” Axel hooked a finger under Roxas’ chin, turning his head and kissing him softly.

“Mmm, you taste good.” Roxas put the cutlery down in favour of tangling his fingers in messy red hair. Axel’s tongue tasted like maple syrup as the kiss deepened. A small hum of pleasure escaped the back of his throat as he pulled back. “Eat your breakfast, then we can continue.”

“No, it was just getting really good,” Axel whined, eyes fixed on Roxas’ lips.

Half a smile tugged at Roxas’ lips. “And it will be even better later. How about, for now, you tell me what you like.”

“Uh, you,” Axel half answered and half asked, cutting up the French toast.

“Well, that’s a good start, I guess. I meant, if we were having sex right now, what do you like?”

“Oh, right. Um, I don’t know.” Axel put a piece of toast in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Anything you like.  _ I _  like seeing and hearing  _ you _ .” Axel chuckled, “You are really loud when you get going. I love that.” He nuzzled his face into the crook of Roxas’ neck.

Roxas leaned into Axel and smiled. He already had a fair idea of what Axel liked, but it was nice to have confirmation. What he was really asking was if Axel was open to being bottom. Roxas preferred a flexible partner.

“Top or bottom?” It was pointless to beat around the bush. He wasn’t planning on going home until late tonight after fucking Axel into a comatose state. Twice last night wasn’t nearly enough.

“Both,” Axel shrugged.

“Awesome.” Roxas bit his lower lip. 

Axel was perfect for him. He waited patiently for them to both finish their breakfast and cleared the table before laying on top of it and letting Axel have his way with him. 

-o.0.o-

Monday morning was a cold and dreary. It was the first day back and he was already missing sleeping in. It took him a while to drag himself from his warm comfortable bed. The only motivation being that the coffee was in the kitchen and Axel would be in his morning lecture.

As much as Roxas liked the cold weather, he hated being cold. He was rugged up in his favourite comfy hoodie. It was too big for him because it wasn’t originally his. The sleeves came down past his fingers and it had holes around the wrists where he would poke his thumbs through. Winter clothes were always the most comfortable, even if the jumper only barely kept the cold from biting to the bone.

As he approached the gloomy brick building, an arm wound around his shoulders, holding a takeaway coffee cup.

“Morning, gorgeous,” the familiar voice said as a kiss was pressed to Roxas’ cheek.

“Morning.” Roxas smiled, one arm around Axel’s waist, sapping his warmth.

Axel handed Roxas the cup of coffee. “Thought you might be cold.”

The warmth of the coffee warmed Roxas’ core as he sipped. “You are just...,” he chuckled. “You are so getting laid tonight.”

“Oh? I thought that was a given,” the redhead smirked.

“Extra laid? Whatever you want?”

“Are you trading sex for coffee?” Axel asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Yep,” Roxas chirped and pushed open the door to the lecture hall and they headed towards Axel’s usual seat. Riku was already seated and waiting. “Hey,” Roxas greeted as he sat down next to Riku.

“Oh, you  _ are _  still alive,” Riku said with faux excitement.

A confused blink. “Shouldn’t I be?”

“See, we just assumed you were dead since we didn’t hear from you last few weeks.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been a crappy friend. But you and Sora were gone for a week anyway. It hasn’t been  _ that _  long,” Roxas pointed out as he retrieved his tablet from his bag.

“Sora said I have to give it month before you get bored and everything goes back to normal.”

Greatly offended that Riku would insinuate that he would ever get bored of Axel, Roxas scowled at his friend. “I’m not going to get bored and I kinda want to punch you right now.”

Riku rolled his eyes and stole a sip of Roxas’ coffee. “I didn’t mean like that. I meant your new toy wouldn’t be so new and shiny anymore. Your friends won’t have to get the police to do a welfare check because you are too busy fucking to return a text.”

That made Roxas feel guilty. He knew Riku meant that Sora had worried and that Riku was pissed because he had to hear about it. “Sorry,” Roxas frowned. “I guess I forgot. I’ll find Sora later and talk to him. He’s worried but he wouldn’t be mad. I’m sure he understands... .Wait, how do you know I was with Axel?”

“Naminé answers her phone.”

How did he forget to reply to Sora  _ every time _ ? Sora must have sent at least five texts in the past week. He really was being a horrible friend.

Beside him, Axel looked tense, jaw set. If Roxas had to hazard a guess, he was fairly sure Riku was the problem. Whether it was because his friend had snapped at him, or that Riku had said Roxas would get bored, Roxas didn’t know. Axel just wasn’t used to Riku yet. Riku could be unintentionally rude and have a short fuse, but he cared about Roxas and was probably worried because Sora was.

Roxas would find Sora after the lecture and apologise. Sora knew how much Roxas liked Axel and would know Roxas didn’t intentionally ignore him. His friend would be happy for him and then Riku would be happy because Sora was. Riku was a lot softer than he let on.

Roxas slipped his hand into Axel’s and gave it a light squeeze. Axel flinched at first as he was pulled from his thoughts, then gave Roxas a smile and a hand-squeeze back.

“OK?” Roxas asked, checking on Axel.

“Yeah,” Axel nodded. “Just thinking.”

Roxas lifted Axel’s hand and placed a light kiss on the back.

“You two are adorable,” Demyx cooed as he took his seat next to Axel.

Roxas was still struggling with the fact Demyx had watched Destiny – was  _ still _ _ watching  _ Destiny. He regularly carried around more guilt than he knew what to do with. Everything was going so well with Axel and he didn’t want to mess it up. He still wasn’t sure how Axel would take the news and he didn’t want to cause friction between Demyx and Axel.

Last night Roxas had lain awake running different scenarios through his head. Scenario one, Roxas tells Axel that he had been Destiny all along. Axel understands, is supportive, and hot wild sex ensues. Roxas had a feeling that scenario was unlikely. Then there was scenario number two. Roxas tells Axel and Axel makes him choose between their relationship and his job. Alternatively, scenario three. Roxas tells Axel and Axel is furious and dumps him on the spot and asks for his  _ thousands _  of dollars back. The final scenario Roxas thought up before falling asleep was almost as unlikely as the first; Roxas begins to tell Axel but stops when he hears a loud noise. Roxas is then drawn to the window by army helicopters, a man in fatigues yells through a megaphone, “Stay indoors. Do not leave your homes!” On the street below, sharks have grown legs and are terrorising the neighbourhood. The oceans apex predator has also become lands. There’s no time to tell Axel the rest of his confession. He just manages to get Axel to safety before being gobbled up. The truth dies with him.

He was actually beginning to regret Destiny altogether. He didn’t want something so stupid to come between them. It was just a job. Just a way to save some cash for whatever his next chapter in life would be. He really hoped that after months of Axel watching Destiny, he would understand that it was just for money and no one other than Axel was allowed to touch him.

-o.0.o-

As the week rolled on, Roxas was still warring with himself over the Destiny topic. The longer he went without telling Axel the longer he had to find new things to stress over. He had all but convinced himself that their relationship was doomed one way or the other. He no longer saw the point in revealing his secret.

After his Thursday tutorial, Roxas received a text from Axel. His boyfriend said that he had something for Roxas and to meet him at the duck pond. He quickly arranged with Sora to go to his place one night for dinner and drinks. He really wanted to make up for not texting Sora during the holidays. After that was sorted, he went down to the back of the university grounds and met Axel by the pond.

Axel was sitting under a tree, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles while reading a book. Roxas received a bright grin as he came and sat beside Axel. That smile always managed to thaw Roxas from any icy coating he was trying to protect himself with.

“Hey,” Roxas greeted as he sat on the grass next to Axel. He waited for Axel to mark his page with a bookmark before leaning in to kiss him.

“Hey, gorgeous.” Axel put his book down and picked up his bag. “Remember when I brought you here the first time and you asked if we could feed the ducks?”

“Um... I think so,” Roxas lied. He remembered ducks and Axel, mostly Axel.

Axel pulled out a clear bag of pellets from his bag. “Bread makes them sick. So I got the proper food to feed them.”

Roxas almost swooned. Axel was too sweet for his own good. If they had been in private right then, Roxas would have pounced on him.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” an eyebrow quirked.

Roxas swallowed heavily. “I really wish we were in private right now.” He looked around them. They were alone. The tree blocked the view from the buildings. There were no pathways or car parks that would bring anyone near them. It was good enough for Roxas, but he knew it wouldn’t be for Axel. “How do you feel about the drive-in? I mean, instead of a normal cinema?”

“I’ve never been to a drive-in. Didn’t even know there was one around. Why?”

“There’s one not far away. They are doing midnight screenings. I thought it might be fun. If you think it’ll set off your anxiety, we can just stay home and do something,” Roxas suggested.

Axel shook his head. “I’m fine. Drive-in sounds fun. Although... I might be being presumptuous, but I have a feeling we won’t be keeping our hands to ourselves. Your car is too cramped for anything other than watching the movie. Wanna take my car instead?”

Dark tinting and a spacious back seat? It was a no-brainer. “Yeah,” the blond laughed softly. “I’m glad we’re on the same wavelength.”

Axel passed Roxas the almost forgotten bag of duck feed. “C’mon. Feed the ducks, and then we’re going back to mine.”

Axel had already gotten up and was holding out a hand. Allowing Axel to help him up, he stood, taking the duck food with him to the pond. 

“Uh... ” Roxas looked between the feed and the ducks. “How do I feed ducks? From my hand or do they come up here on the bank?”

Axel lightly giggled and kissed Roxas’ cheek. “You’re too cute.”

“I thought we banned that word,” Roxas huffed. 

“Nope. Must be all in your head.” Axel pulled a pocket knife from his jeans and opened the bag of duck feed, then put the knife away. He stood behind Roxas and, very unnecessarily, put his arms around the blond, one hand holding the bag and the other rested on a slim hip. “Some of the ducks will come up here, I feed them every now and again. They know what to do. Some will stay in the water, so chuck some food in there for them.”

“You sure it’s OK to feed them?” Roxas asked as he took a handful of pellets anyway. 

“It’s fine as long as it isn’t a frequent thing. They aren’t going to forget how to feed themselves if we feed them once every few months.” Axel took hold of the hand Roxas had fisted with feed. “Don’t feed them from your hand unless you want to get pecked at.”

“I could do without it.” Roxas sprinkled the pellets along the bank, wanting to see which ducks were brave enough to come up close to them. 

One duck headed straight up the bank to peck pellets off the ground. 

“I named that one Shadow, Shads for short,” Axel said. “One day I was sitting under the tree and that one came up and sat next to me while I read.”

Roxas smiled and spun around in Axel’s arms. “You are too cute.” He kissed Axel. 

“I thought that word was banned,” Axel poked Roxas’ nose. 

“Only in reference to me,” Roxas quickly took Axel’s finger between his teeth. 

Axel removed his finger and replaced it with his tongue. The kiss didn’t end until a flurry of quacking was heard from behind Roxas. Axel chuckled, “I think they’re hungry.”

Roxas pointed to one of the larger ducks quacking demandingly on the bank. “I’m naming that one Peking.”

“What? No. Peking is not an acceptable name for a duck.” Axel narrowed his eyes playfully at Roxas.

“It’s a great name. I love Peking duck,” Roxas grinned.

“You're awful. You aren’t going to eat my ducks.”

“You have to sleep at some stage. One by one I will eat them all.”

“I don’t think I want you near my ducks anymore,” Axel shook his head.

Roxas returned to feeding the ducks. He quietly thought about how many of the little things Axel did made Roxas like him more. Axel’s affections were addictive. Yet, at the same time, made Roxas feel horrible that cute little gestures didn’t come naturally to him. This was the first real relationship Roxas had ever had. He was trying his hardest, but non-sexual gestures of affection just didn’t come to him. But he was working on it. With all of Naminé’s girly movies and a little bit of research on the internet, he had some ideas. 

-o.0.o-

Axel parked right up the back of the drive-in and off to the far side. They could see the screen well if they felt inclined to watch. There were only six other cars parked in front of the screen. It gave the illusion of seclusion. Just the two of them, in the dark, and no cars close by. No one would see or hear them. Although, that would probably be because everyone else was planning to not watch the movie as well.

They got out of the car and headed towards the small single-story building which housed the concession stand. The night air was brisk and cool as it whipped around Roxas’ bare arms. He had decided not to wear the extra layer of clothing since he’ll be warm enough with Axel’s body heat.

Two employees stood behind the counter flanked by glass display cases. They gave off a deliberate retro vibe from their uniforms; the girl in a red and white striped dress with a white apron, and the boy in plain black slacks, white shirt and red bow tie. Roxas’ eyes travelled the room. Jukebox in the corner and tables with a hideous glittery red top. Yep, the 50s definitely threw up in there.

Axel perused the glass display case full of various chocolates and chips. Roxas headed straight to the popcorn, ordering the medium for him and Axel to share. He watched his boyfriend’s deep look of concentration as he ordered from the young lady. That now familiar flutter in his chest flaring up as Axel smiled and chatted politely. The feeling both warmed and scared him. He was scared of how fast he was falling for the handsome redhead. Yet, the warmth was the best feeling and not scary at all. It let him know he wasn’t alone.

Sparkling green looked Roxas’ way, smiling as Axel made his way over. The man insisted on paying for their treats since Roxas bought the tickets. Axel handed Roxas one of the two ice creams he had bought. Roxas smiled and held Axel’s hand on the way back to the car. Axel seemed to already know that the way to Roxas’ heart was through his stomach with something sweet.

Once back in the car, Axel tuned the radio station in to the drive-in’s frequency. Only ads and previews came through for the moment. There was only one movie out of the previews that they would want to see, so they planned to see that when it opened in cinemas in a few weeks.

Roxas had already torn into the plastic packaging of his ice cream, sucking and nibbling at the treat. He kicked his shoes off and slid down comfortably in his seat, legs stretched right out in front of himself. Axel’s beat up Volvo had a lot more room than his car did. The car was almost amusingly sensible. Axel had obviously upgraded a few things here and there, but it was still a sensible silver sedan. All alliteration aside, the car suited Axel. The only thing Axel ever complained about was the speakers – they needed upgrading. Roxas had been mulling over how to upgrade the speakers for his boyfriend without him knowing what Roxas was up to. 

“What are you getting comfortable there for?” Axel asked as he bit into his ice cream.

Roxas blinked a few times, momentarily distracted by Axel taking a  _ bite _  out of his ice cream. A bite as though he was impervious to brain freeze. Shaking himself from his thoughts, he sat up straight. “Shouldn’t I be?”

A lascivious grin. “Get in the back.”

Roxas looked over his shoulder at the back seat. He hadn’t noticed the blanket, lube, condoms, and wet wipes on the back seat before then. Feigning shock, Roxas gasped and looked at Axel with wide eyes. “I don’t know where you got the idea that you were going to get lucky. Do you think I’m easy, or something?”

“I like my chances,” Axel gave a cheeky wink.

A surprised laugh. “OK, that’s hot. I like your chances too.” Roxas quickly finished off his ice cream then climbed over the centre console and into the backseat. Not sure what would be most comfortable, he sat sideways on the seat with his back resting against the door. He had never done anything like this before. He had never had sex in a car, or anywhere out of a house for that matter. This was all very new to him. 

The front seats were moved forward and the backs adjusted to allow as much room in the back as possible. After the seats were shifted into place, Axel moved to the back seat via the door. He was much too tall to crawl through the seats like Roxas. Axel moved their supplies onto the floor, crawled across the seat, and straddled Roxas. His hands gripped Roxas’ shirt lightly as he pressed forward and connected their lips softly. 

“Mmm, you taste good,” Axel smiled, dragging his tongue along Roxas’ lower lip.

Roxas sighed softly. His body was suddenly very aware of Axel’s every touch. From under Axel’s shirt, his fingers could feel the goosebumps his touch caused. He placed one hand behind Axel’s neck and pulled the teasing redhead in for a deep kiss. Axel relaxed against him, pressing their bodies together. Roxas had learnt a few days ago that when Axel relaxed like this he was being submissive, waiting for Roxas to make all the moves. An hour and a half of nothing but kissing later and Axel was begging him to do something. Roxas hadn’t needed to be told twice.

This time, Roxas was all too eager to comply. He peeled off Axel’s shirt, discarding the tedious fabric on the floor of the car. Now his hands had better access to the soft skin beneath. One hand stroked Axel’s thigh as the other ran a finger slowly down Axel’s back, tracing his spine slowly all the way until it hit the top of Axel’s jeans. Axel shivered and moaned, kissing Roxas harder and deeper as things heated up between them.

At some point, Axel had kicked his own shoes off which made it easy for Roxas to get Axel to lay back and pull off his jeans. “Commando, huh?” Roxas chuckled.

“You’re lucky I wore clothes at all.”

“Lucky? I hate your clothes. We should burn them all.” Roxas removed his own clothes quickly then positioned himself between Axel’s legs, bridging over him. He dragged his tongue over Axel’s stomach and dipping into his navel. 

“Yes,” Axel arched off the seat. “Not yes to the burning, -  _ haaah _ \- yes your tongue.”

“Where would you like my tongue?” Kissing the dip along one sharp, jutting hipbone.

“Like you don’t know,” Axel lifted his head long enough to give Roxas a pointed look. With a cheeky grin, Roxas licked the tip of Axel’s cock and the man’s head fell back down with a long groan.

Making himself comfortable, Roxas nestled down between Axel’s legs, his arms under Axel’s thighs caressing his sides and arse cheeks. He took Axel’s erection into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head. One of Axel’s hands stroked his hair, a sweetly encouraging gesture that spurred Roxas on. He took as much as he could into his mouth then pulled off with a slow sucking pressure. He repeated the motion until Axel’s breathing quickened and fingers curled in his hair. One hand fumbled blindly for the tube of lubricant. Finding it, he snapped the cap open and squeezed some of the liquid on his fingers and waited until his skin had warmed it. Using his index finger, Roxas spread the lube around the sensitive skin of Axel’s arsehole before slowly slipping his finger in. He began timing the thrusts of his finger with that of his mouth. Axel had come prepared. There was little resistance as he pushed a second finger in alongside the first.

Roxas had already memorised some of Axel’s favourite spots to be touched, even managed to find a few Axel didn’t even know about. Like playing connect the dots, Roxas touched each spot with hands or tongue. There was still so much to learn about each other and Roxas was surprised to find he was enjoying slowly learning Axel’s likes and dislikes. 

All the beautiful noises Axel made had Roxas hypnotised. He had very nearly forgotten what he was supposed to be doing, far too caught up in Axel’s pleasure to remember his own. He curled his fingers against Axel’s prostate one last time and pulled his mouth off his cock. He picked up the lube and condoms, tearing off the strip of foil. Axel looked beautiful, lying there with his chest heaving and eyes glazed over watching Roxas roll on a condom and slick extra lube over the latex. 

Roxas tapped Axel’s hip. “Move a little further this way. I don’t want you to hit your head on the door.” He cleaned his hands with the wipes as Axel slid away from the door and towards Roxas. The wipe was thrown to the floor and Roxas bridged over Axel, kissing him passionately as he adjusted Axel’s hips a little higher for ease of entry. “You OK?” Roxas asked, even though he knew what the answer would be. 

“Nnnnh,” Axel moaned low, trying to thrust his hips up to meet Roxas’. “Yeah. C’mon already.”

Roxas chuckled and gave Axel’s arse cheek a light slap. Axel moaned, causing Roxas’ eyebrows to shoot up. It was an interesting reaction but not one he had the patience for pondering right then. He took hold of his slicked erection and lined himself up with Axel’s anus,slowly pushing halfway in. The heat and tightness causing him to hiss and his head to fall forward with eyes tightly shut. Panting. Panting. Panting. He ignored Axel’s attempts to make him move forward any further. Once Axel had given up trying to force Roxas to move, Roxas pulled out almost all the way before snapping his hips forward shallowly, aiming for Axel’s prostate. A few more times and he found it, hitting it head-on, watching the man squirm beneath him. Axel’s nails dug into his shoulder and waist, as a low drawn moan was elicited.

“Roxas. Baby, there. Again.” Axel’s hands clawed at Roxas, urging him on. 

Roxas repeatedly aimed for the same spot, biting and sucking on Axel’s exposed neck. At this rate he knew Axel would come soon, so he exchanged the shallow thrusts for deeper ones and only hit Axel’s prostate enough to keep him moaning. 

The thrusting had become fast paced and hard, Axel’s hips bucking to meet Roxas’ every time. By now, the car was sure to be rocking, leaving no one guessing as to what was taking place inside. Not that either of them cared at that moment if anyone did see. The windows were misted, blocking them from the outside world, as they enjoyed each other’s bodies ravenously. 

Roxas slid a hand between them, wrapping it around Axel’s weeping erection and pumping in time with their thrusts. He bit and groaned against Axel’s neck. It was almost a shame to mar the perfect skin, but the more Axel moaned his name the more possessive he felt and needed to mark Axel as his own. His own skin would be marked for days afterwards with the way Axel was digging his nails into his back. Marks weren’t ideal for cam whoring, but Roxas always found a way around displaying any skin that Axel had left scratched or bruised. 

“Rox.  _ Ahhh!  _ Oh fuck. Baby, I’m so – haaah – close. Ohhhhh there! Right there!” Axel moaned, his thighs squeezing Roxas’ sides firmly as he trembled. 

“Come for me,” Roxas growled, every thrust directed at Axel’s prostate. He was holding back the best he could, wanting Axel to come before he did. 

“Rox- _ ah! _ -as,” Axel cried out as he climaxed, come spurting between their bodies. His muscles clenched around Roxas’ cock, and with a few quick thrusts, the blond was soon coming deep within him with Axel’s name tumbling from his kiss-swollen lips. 

Roxas remained on top of Axel as they recovered. He quickly removed and tied off the condom, wrapping it in a wet wipe. They kissed languidly, full of affection before Roxas slid down Axel’s body, lapping the come from his stomach. Axel’s chest still heaved from exertion, fingers toying with blond spikes as he watched Roxas lick him clean. 

“You are so fucking hot, Roxy,” Axel muttered, voice dreamy and distant. 

Roxas’ eyes lifted to Axel’s. With one last long lick, he settled himself against Axel’s side. Axel’s skin was prickled and beginning to cool. He reached for the blanket and pulled it over the two of them. 

Roxas softly cupped Axel’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. All he could think about was how lucky he was that this wonderful man wanted him. 

Their lips separated and Roxas began kissing Axel over his cheeks, across his forehead, before placing two very deliberate kisses over the tattoos. Axel purred contently from being lavished with attention. The sound caused warm stirrings in Roxas’ chest and the realisation of just how hard and fast he was falling for Axel. But at that moment, it didn’t scare him; Axel being happy made him happy. And Roxas wanted to be happy as much as the next person, even if the thought sometimes made him jittery. 

“I definitely want to do this forever,” Axel smiled lazily.

The pleasant post-orgasm haze cleared quickly as Roxas’ brain processed those words. “F-forever?”

Axel’s smile retreated a little bit. “Yeah. Is that ok?”

Roxas took a quick moment to consider how he felt about that. He had been wondering how serious Axel saw their relationship. He knew they we serious as in monogamous, but long term was news to Roxas. Being so unsure of himself made him question their relationship a lot. He was his own worst enemy, always sabotaging anything good because he didn’t think he deserved it. He didn’t deserve Axel, but he was going to try damn hard to. 

Roxas smiled softly and nodded. “Yeah, forever sounds perfect.”

“Are you sure? You didn’t look sure.”

“You just caught me off guard.” Roxas tried to lie on his side between Axel and the seat. There wasn’t enough room, but he made do with being mostly still on top of Axel and a little to his side as he snuggled up. “I try not to think about how long this will last. I just want to be with you for as long as you let me and if that happens to be forever, I’ll definitely be ok with that.”

It felt strange saying his private thoughts out loud, but it was OK. He trusted Axel with his head and heart.  

 


	11. Chapter 11 - Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas feels that it's time to tell Axel a closely held secret.

Naminé had spent an hour in the bathroom primping and preening to get ready for a girls night with Olette. Roxas had used this knowledge to invite Axel over for the night. It would just be the two of them. As much as Roxas wanted that to mean sex, he had a much more important plan for the evening. He was going to finally tell Axel about Destiny. 

He was nervous because he didn’t know how Axel would react. He tried to think positive, even though it wasn’t in his nature. It was wishful thinking more than anything logical. He just really wanted Axel to be ok with it. Axel didn’t have to love the idea of Roxas being Destiny, he just needed him to know. He definitely didn't expect Axel to be so pleased with the news that he jumped around with pom poms cheering him on. If this relationship was going to last, then Roxas had to learn to open up to Axel and this was the first step.

Roxas had begun cleaning the apartment just after he called Axel. It was mostly a way to ease his nerves and distract his brain. But he had begun cleaning things he had already cleaned, not realising that was what he was doing until Naminé pointed it out. She sat him down and made him a piping hot mug of chamomile tea before she left for the night. 

Roxas sat at the kitchen bench swirling the dregs of tea around the bottom of the cup as he tried to plan what he was going to say and how he would say it. This wasn't something Roxas had ever thought he would have to do when he created Destiny. If he did, he would have liked to use his time more productively during Destiny's downtime and to start thinking how to tell someone he cares about that he was a camwhore. 

He looked up at the clock frequently. He was torn between thinking time was moving too slow and too fast. He wanted to get the conversation over with. But a little time to make sure he wouldn't say something stupid would be nice. He just watched the clock until Axel knocked at the door. 

As soon as the front door was open, Roxas pulled Axel to him and kissed him. He hoped it wouldn’t be the last time he kissed Axel, but needed to just in case.

Axel chuckled and wrapped his arms around Roxas. “Well, hello to you too.”

“Hey,” Roxas smiled, kissing Axel again. He was still a bundle of nerves, but now that Axel was here there was an excited energy in the mix. 

“Geez. Can’t even get through the door before you start trying to jump me,” Axel smirked.

Roxas reached out behind Axel and closed the door. “Better?”

Axel chuckled again. “Damn, you’re cute.”

Roxas pressed his lips to Axel’s firmly for one last long kiss before he had to start talking. “Hold that thought and see if I'm still cute in five minutes.” He took a deep breath to steady himself. “So, there’s something I want you to know, but I don’t know how you'll take it. No one else knows. You are the only person I’ll have told. You deserve to know, but try not to freak out, OK?”

Looking worried, Axel nodded.

“Just remember that I really, really like you,” Roxas pleaded, holding Axel’s hands in his own. 

“Rox, you are scaring me a little bit. I'm sure whatever it is, it is better than everything going through my head right now,” Axel frowned. “Just get it over with.”

Roxas nodded. “OK. So you know how I had a crush on you since the start of the semester?” 

“Yeah, Naminé told me.” Axel allowed Roxas to lead him to the bedroom. 

“Turns out, we’ve known each other longer than that.” Roxas decided to leave the bedroom door open in case one of them needed to make a quick escape. 

“We have?” Axel’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.  “Pretty sure I'd remember meeting you before this year.”

“We have. I've only known for a few months. Just… you didn't know me as Roxas.” Roxas pulled back the room divider to Destiny’s space and nervously bit his lip and looked to Axel. His heart pounded in his chest as he watched Axel’s eyes take in his workspace.

Axel’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I don't know what you are trying - ” His eyes widened. “Destiny... ,” He said so quietly Roxas almost missed it. “Are you…?” He looked around Roxas’ bedroom then stepped closer to Destiny’s area. “Is this..?”

“My workspace,” Roxas nodded. He wasn't sure what else to say because he couldn’t read Axel’s expression. He wasn't sure if Axel was horrified or just surprised. They stood in his bedroom silently, eyes fixed on one another for what felt like an eternity. Axel's silence was making nervousness bubble up from the pit of his stomach. 

“But you work as -” Axel's eyes grew wider. “You never tell anyone what you do for work,” he said slowly as the realisation sank in. 

Roxas nodded. “I’m Destiny. For the past… ,” he paused to calculate silently. “Seven months, I think, you have been talking to Destiny - to me. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday - up until started dating - you were watching me.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Axel asked, sounding hurt.

“I was scared... . Then... it just didn’t seem all that important. It’s just a job. But I’m telling you right now because you are important to me,” Roxas reasoned, watching Axel carefully.

“Just a job? My fucking boyfriend is getting naked for creeps on the internet! How the fuck do you expect me to be OK with that?” Axel yelled.

“Never worried you before,” Roxas muttered.  “You watched for months. Did you think that the person on the other side of the screen didn’t actually exist? I know that it’s easy to be detached when talking to people over the internet, but you had to know that it wasn’t just computer graphics you were watching.” 

“We weren’t together before!” Axel ran a hand through his hair and tried to calm down. “Of course I knew it was a real person I was talking to. I just never thought it would be anyone I knew.”

“It’s just a job. None of it means anything. I’m always careful. I never let anyone see my face or hear my voice. No one else knows other than you... . “ Roxas tried to touch Axel’s arm but he pulled away.

“I’ll know. I’ll know that every afternoon you are jacking off thinking of someone else... Doing degrading things for money.” Axel looked around the space like it disturbed him.

“It’s not like that and you know it! I’m not fucking any of them! Don’t you dare make me sound like a whore.” Roxas' voice was trembling as much as his hands.

“Aren’t you?” Green eyes widened momentarily. Then he relaxed, his whole posture quickly changing from stiff to hunched. Axel sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that...” Axel pinched the bridge of his nose, collecting his thoughts. ”If it’s just a job, can’t you just find another or ask family for help for the moment?”

“I need the money and I don’t  _ have _ family. I  _ need _ this job, Axel,” Roxas finished quietly. He really didn’t like the way Axel was making him feel dirty. But he didn’t want to lose him.

Axel seemed surprised then his expression softened into concern. “You don’t have family?” he asked softly.

“I guess in the literal sense I do... ,“ Roxas sighed and sat on his bed. “I’m an only child... .When my parents found out I was gay - They kicked me out. They’re religious nutjobs who think I’m evil or some shit. They’ve spread their poison to everyone I used to know. They told me to never come back and I don’t intend to.”

“Oh... .” Axel sat down on the bed next to him and stayed quiet for a few minutes, thinking and looking over the uncomfortably familiar space Roxas worked from. “Can’t you just try to find something else?  _ Please _ . For me.”

“There isn’t anywhere else I can get that kind of money legally. I need to pay rent and for my car and each semester is at least $300 in textbooks... . Then there’s clothes, food, bills... . Any little bit left over gets put away in a savings account.”

“You could sell the car and move closer to campus. That should save you money.”

“And all that money would go to rent because it costs a lot to live close to campus.”

Axel sighed. “Then live with me. You won’t need to pay rent.”

“Axel... ,” Roxas started. Of all the ways he imagined Axel and himself moving in together, this never made the list. He had no idea how to say no without offending him.

“It will be fine. There’s plenty of room and I already cover the rent. At least think about it.”

“You don’t understand. I need the money. I need to save up to get the fuck out of here once I graduate.”

There was an awkward silence in which they both realised the gravity of what Roxas had just said.

“Oh... ,“ Axel sounded heartbroken, in turn, breaking Roxas’ heart. “I didn’t realise this was only short term... So, I guess that’s it then.”

“Shit. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that. I meant that was what the money was originally for. I don’t know what it’s for anymore. I just -,“ Roxas sighed. “I just want to be with you. If that means moving here permanently, then fine, I’ll do it. Anyway, that's way-into-the-future Roxas’ decision.”

“We don't really talk about anything important, do we? The things I have learnt about you tonight would have been good to know from the beginning. Especially that leaving town part,” Axel scratched the side of his neck. 

“It’s not set in stone. Depending on what life is like after graduation, I'd stay here. It's just my paranoia acting up. I just want to be far away from my old life,” Roxas finished quietly. 

“Then use your savings until you find something else. I'll do whatever I can to help you,” Axel pleaded. 

Roxas had a feeling Axel didn't have connections with people in high places that would offer Roxas a job. 

“I don't want to go through all my savings. I don't have any set plans for that money, but I also don't have a crystal ball to tell me if my car will be written off, or Naminé and I have to move because our lease wasn't renewed. Life is expensive. I do or will need the money. Why can’t you just ignore the job? I won’t let it get in the way. Ever since we got together I cut down to the bare minimum so I could spend more time with you. I don’t want this to end... I guess I never really thought about how long this would last because I didn’t  _ care _ . I just wanted to be with you for as long as you would let me.” Roxas looked hesitantly over to Axel. It almost physically  _ hurt _ . “I had always planned on leaving here as soon as possible.this is still too close to... to my parents. Obviously, we would talk about it as we got closer to graduation.” He roughly wiped at a tear on his cheek. “If we are still together then, of course, your opinion would matter. If you didn’t want to leave... then I think I would be ok with that. You have family here, it’s different for you... but, if I loved you, I’d stay.”

“I... ,” Axel groaned and leaned forward with his forearms resting on his thighs, hunched over looking defeated. “I don’t think I can just  _ ignore _ your job,” he threw a hateful glance over at the corner of the room set up for Destiny. “I don’t want to feel like I’m sharing you with other people, no matter how little they know about you. I don’t want to end up resenting you for it. I’ll  _ know _ what you are doing every afternoon. I’ll know you are sharing yourself with others and not me... . I’m sorry, I just can’t ignore it.”

Roxas looked at Axel who looked somewhere between tired and distraught. Roxas looked away quickly. “So that’s it? We’re breaking up?” Roxas’ inner mantra of  _ Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry  _ was failing him.

“I guess so. Fuck! This sucks. I really, really like you, Rox. We are good together... .“ Axel chanced a glance at the blond, but seeing him so upset almost made him falter.

“I know... ,“ Roxas nodded, eyes fixed on the floor.

“Can you at least  _ think _ about it? You are only one little guy, it can’t cost that much to be you. Just work out how much you need every month and we’ll go from there.”

“Only if you think about it too,” Roxas said almost stubbornly.

Axel nodded. “And if we can’t work this out?”

“Then... I guess we try being friends.” Roxas wiped away another tear. He really hated looking weak in front of Axel. “That sounds fucking awful. Not the being-friends-with-you part... , but being friends with you after this is going to be hard. I’m always going to want more... .”

“I know. Same here. Better than nothing, though, right?”

Roxas’ eyes roamed over Axel wondering if it would be the last time they could be together like this. He wondered if breakup sex would be ok. It would definitely make it harder to let go once Axel came back to tell him that it was definitely over... but right now, it would be comforting and soothing. He would just break down harder once Axel left. Roxas was sure that they were kidding themselves thinking there may be a compromise possible in this shitty situation.

“I’m not sure... If you started seeing someone else - “ Roxas choked on a quiet sob. “I don’t think I could cope with that,” he finished quietly.

Axel put an arm around Roxas’ waist and pulled him close. Roxas buried his face against Axel’s chest. The redhead ran his fingers through soft blond hair trying to calm the boy.

“I know... I wouldn’t want you to see anyone else either.”

“This is the first time I’ve tried... .I never dated because this is what I was worried about - that they wouldn’t like what I do... Wouldn’t understand... I thought you would be different. You were fine with it from the other side of the screen. You were always nice to me, some of the other men could be so mean... But not you. You... I liked you even back then. Once I knew who you were... Fuck. I wanted you so bad. Then you wanted me too... a-and I was so happy. It’s been a long time since I’ve been that happy... If I ever was.”

“Rox... .” Axel sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry... But it’s different now. Just knowing the way those arseholes treat you, it makes me want to find out who they are and tear their heads off. Why do it if they aren’t nice to you? You deserve better, Rox.”

“Please just think about what I’ve said. I don’t want this to end... .“ Another sob broke free as he gripped Axel’s shirt.

“I don’t either.” Axel placed kissed in blond spikes. “If things were the other way around and I was letting people treat me like shit for money, would you be ok with it?”

“I-....” Roxas sighed. “No, I wouldn’t,” he said in a small, sad voice. “I wouldn’t want anyone treating you badly.”

“I don’t want anyone treating you like that either. I’ve seen what they say to you. I don’t like it.”

“If I got rid of all the jerks I’d have no clients left. You’d have to start paying again or I’d have no money,” Roxas gave Axel a half smile through the tears.

“I’ve had a lot of extra cash since we started dating... ,” Axel pressed their foreheads together. A small comforting gesture.

“I know, that used to be my money,” Roxas sniffed then chuckled.

“It gets spent on you anyway, so the same thing really,” Axel kissed the giggling blond. He wiped away a few tears from soft cheeks.

Roxas pulled Axel back with him to lay on the bed and curled up next to him, soaking up every last second he had where he could still touch Axel. Not being able to touch Axel like this anymore was going to be hard.

“Does Demyx still watch you?” Axel asked quietly.

“I was hoping you’d never ask... . Yeah, he does. He still doesn’t know it’s me... . It’s kinda weird now I know it’s him, but I ignore it.”

Axel stayed quiet for a few minutes. He propped himself up on an elbow, turning his body towards Roxas, his eyes slowly taking in Roxas’ body. Roxas just watched, trying to work out what Axel was thinking. He was probably disgusted now he knew it was Roxas who he had watched for months.

“I don’t know how I didn’t notice before... .“ Axel pushed Roxas’ shirt up to his chest. He ran his fingertips reverently over Roxas’ stomach. The blond shivered at his touch and let out a small pleasured gasp.

Ok, so maybe Axel wasn’t disgusted and that was just even more confusing.

“I always wanted to touch you so bad. I didn’t think someone that gorgeous would actually exist... .“ Axel’s bright eyes followed his hand over the smooth flesh. “I forgot all about Destiny as soon as I had Roxas. Roxas was so much better than Destiny. Roxas was  _ real _ and so perfect... Beautiful.” He pressed a kiss to Roxas’ stomach. “Roxas was  _ mine _ . I had to share Destiny, schedule time with him... . But never Roxas. Roxas liked me. I didn’t have to share.”

Roxas felt a drop of moisture fall onto his stomach. God, Axel was crying. He made Axel cry. Roxas didn’t deserve any of the beautiful redhead’s sweet words or touches. Axel deserved better than Roxas. At the same time, Roxas didn’t want to let Axel go even though Axel deserved better because he was selfish.

“I’m sorry... .” It was all Roxas could think to say. It was nowhere close to adequate and he was tearing up again himself.

“I spent months staring at this body. How didn’t I notice?” Axel’s fingers trailed lower down Roxas’ stomach. “I -... I can’t believe I’m touching it... Am I the first to get to touch Destiny?”

Roxas nodded because it was true. Since he had invented Destiny, he hadn’t been with anyone except Axel. He didn’t want to be with anyone but Axel.

Axel’s fingers gently ran over the thin patch of wiry blond hairs disappearing under Roxas’ jeans. Roxas’ breathing hitched as he arched slightly into the touch. Axel leaned in and pressed open-mouthed kisses over Roxas’ stomach. “You are gorgeous.”

As good as Axel’s touches felt, Roxas was confused. Was Axel talking to Roxas or Destiny? Did Axel expect him to act like Destiny? Why was Axel doing this when they were supposed to be breaking up? Why did it have to hurt so much?

A jagged sob escaped Roxas’ body. The noise caused Axel to stop what he was doing and look up.

“Are you OK?” Axel asked, brow lined with worry.

“I’m fine,” Roxas wiped a few stray tears away. “I’m all right. You can keep going.”

Axel lay against Roxas’ side with his arm over him. “You aren’t all right. What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” his voice crackled from mucus in his throat, he cleared it and continued. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I tried to open up to you. Real relationships don’t have secrets, or so I read. You know more about me than any of my friends. I wanted to be able to tell you things. Maybe one day I would have felt comfortable telling you everything.” Roxas pulled his shirt back down, no longer in the mood to let Axel fuck him and pretend everything would be ok for a few minutes.

“You did do the right thing, Rox. This is definitely something I want to know, even if it sucks right now.” Axel’s eyes lingered over Roxas’ face making him feel uncomfortable. “How did Destiny come into existence?”

“I don’t know if I want to tell you the whole story. I don’t want you to think any worse of me than you already do.” Tears ran down the side of his face and into his hair as he gazed unseeingly at the ceiling.

Axel’s fingers combed through Roxas’ hair. “I don’t think worse of you. I just... I just don’t understand why you do it. Please tell me? I want to understand how you got started as Destiny.”

Remaining silent for a few moments, Roxas gathered his thoughts and contemplated how much of his past he wanted to reveal. He wasn’t sure if it even mattered anymore; Whether he told the whole story or the abridged version, Axel was going to leave him. Opening old wounds was pointless if Axel wasn’t going to be with him while he needed to be put back together again.

“I grew up six hours away from here,” Roxas began quietly. “It was a small town on the mainland coast. Across the water is Destiny Islands. Just a chain of tiny islands, only one big enough for a small community to live on. I could see the islands from my bedroom window. They always looked so beautiful with their palm trees and white sand. Since I was little, I always wanted to run away to the islands. They just looked nice, like life would be better over that side of the water. My best friend, Hayner, and I use to plan running away there together when we were little. We would build a boat and go over to the islands to live, that was the plan. We never did it though. I’ve never even set foot on any of the islands. Probably never will.”

“So you named yourself after the islands? I always wondered. It was a fairly feminine name,” Axel said, propping his head on his arm.

“It is kinda feminine but it works. It’s all part of the character. Destiny is submissive so the soft name suits him, I think.”

“It does,” Axel nodded. “He’s not like you at all.”

“Which do you prefer?” Roxas asked softly, regretting it as soon as the words left his lips.

Axel frowned. “Are you really that insecure? Of course, I prefer you. I prefer you over everyone, Rox.”

“And that’s still not enough,” Roxas lamented.

“It’s my problem, not yours. Anyway, just continue the Destiny story. Maybe it’ll help.”

Roxas doubted that anything he said would make any difference. He continued anyway out of the fear that if he didn’t talk, Axel would leave. He wasn’t ready for Axel to be done with him yet. “I called myself Destiny because I wanted things to be better in Radiant Garden than they were before. I needed them to be better. I moved here with barely anything to my name. I had a few hundred dollars to look for an apartment, which is how I met Naminé. I worked a few crappy jobs for even crappier pay and in the end, I had had enough. It was barely enough for rent, let alone textbooks or a car. So I came up with Destiny. When I first started, I used Naminé’s desktop computer. It was really hard to try and find a time to be on and have Naminé out of the house. It probably averaged out to one session a week. The money was good when I could get it. Eventually, I had enough saved for a laptop, so I got one and began a strict schedule for the sessions. That was when I started making good money. Two weeks of private sessions with one client paid for my car. It was... I don’t know. It was addictive, I guess. It was nice to feel attractive and have my own money. You came along soon after that.”

“You  _ are _ attractive. You don’t need those people to tell you that.” Axel placed a soft kiss on Roxas’ cheek. “Why did you leave home?” he asked gently.

“Long story. The town was pretty much all religious. Those who weren’t were ostracised. When I realised I liked men,” Roxas took a deep breath, “I was scared. I thought there was something wrong with me. I would have been about thirteen,” Roxas nodded. “Hm yeah, that sounds about right. Anyway, I didn’t dare say anything to anyone. I didn’t even tell my best friend because our parents were close. If it got back to his parents, they would tell mine and it would be a nightmare. Dating was... hard. I took this girl who used to be my friend and ended up destroying her.” His fingers picked idly at a loose thread from the hem of his shirt. “We started dating when we were fifteen. Never did more than hold hands, not that we were allowed to be alone anyway.” Roxas sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily. They were beginning to feel dry and like sandpaper from crying. “She had an older brother. No one else seemed to like him. He didn’t go to church or socialise with anyone from town. I hung out with him when she was busy or with friends. He told me he was bisexual and I suddenly felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. I didn’t have to carry that big fucking secret with me all the time. I told him that I was into guys as well and things just continued as normal for a while. I wouldn’t say we were close, we just didn’t have anyone else who understood us, you know? I don’t exactly remember how it started, but I had a fight with my parents about something and I left the house and went straight to him.” Not wanting to tell the rest of the story, Roxas stopped and let the heavy silence hang over them.

“You slept with him, didn’t you?”

Roxas nodded.

“How did your parents find out?”

“You already know more than anyone else, just drop it. I don’t want to talk about the rest. Anything from before I moved here is irrelevant. Even more so if we’re breaking up.”

Axel sighed. “Is that why you never talk about anything from before Radiant Garden?”

“I guess.” Roxas felt wracked with guilt. Guilt from their current situation and guilt from what happened when he left home.

“Does your family know where you are?”

Roxas shook his head. “No, and they wouldn’t care if they did.” He rubbed his eyes, feeling tired and emotionally exhausted.

“What about your friends from back there?”

Roxas shook his head again. “No. By now they would have heard my parents version of the story and be poisoned against me. No one will care where I am.” He didn’t think that last sentence would hurt so much to say out loud. It’s like they say, truth hurts. He’d had enough of talking for the time being. “How did you find Destiny? Why watch Destiny when you could have easily found someone to have sex with?”

“It’s not that simple. The anxiety makes it hard to meet people or talk to them. It was easy with Destiny. I still got nervous talking to him - you,” Axel corrected himself. “But you made it easy to talk to you, just like you always have since we met. It was just easier to go to Destiny than it was to meet people. And I liked Destiny. He was sexy and sweet.” Axel paused. “I’m not sure whether to say ‘him’ or ‘you’, which would you prefer?”

“I go back and forth. I’m not sure where Destiny ends and I begin. Just say ‘him’. Keep Destiny separate.”

Axel nodded in understanding. “OK. Anyway, porn gets kinda boring after a while and It’s rarely what I want to see. So you know the ads that are always at the side? There were all these chicks who apparently webcammed. I had to look it up, I didn’t know what it was really. I mean, I got the jist that it was women naked in front of a webcam. Anyway, the search brought up the site Destiny uses. He was signed in at the time and his profile photos were... so fucking hot. They aren’t anything explicit, but he was exactly my type. So I decided to give it a go. I made an account and put, like, twenty dollars in it. I thought something different might be fun. I joined Destiny’s session and the rest is history. That interaction that you get from camwhores-“ Axel quickly shut up and began struggling to correct himself.

“Camwhore is fine. It’s what I call it,” Roxas said to ease Axel’s worry.

Axel smiled softly and nestled his face in Roxas’ hair. “See, you still try and make me comfortable. I’ve always liked that you do that. It’s sweet,” he kissed Roxas cheek. “... So yeah, that’s how I found Destiny. He was my type and I liked that I could ask for things and have him talk back to me. He made me feel special even though I knew there were other men who wanted him too. So I started the private sessions. I liked having all of his attention. I really wanted to hear his voice. Sometime I could hear him laugh but it was breathy and quiet. I would have paid anything to get to hear his voice. Nice tactic, by the way.”

Roxas gave a soft laugh. “Thanks.”

Axel’s brow furrowed. “But there was that last time where I did hear him talk. He sounded nothing like you.”

“Voice changer,” Roxas nodded. “Neat, huh?”

“Very clever. That explains why I didn’t recognise your voice at least. Still not sure why I didn’t recognise your body. I guess once all the blood rushes elsewhere my brain doesn’t work so well.”

“It was usually dark or I made sure you kept kissing me.”

“Or you blew me. You didn’t plan all this so I wouldn’t find out did you?” Axel frowned.

“No, not really. Sometimes I would feel a little paranoid if you looked at my body for too long. I know that is your kink, you like to watch everything, so I let you and hoped for the best. I wasn’t ready to tell you before. Luckily, you didn’t mind when I would blow you instead.”

“If it’s just a job, why did you try to hide it from me?”

“Because I didn’t know how you would take it. I didn’t want  _ this _ . You already know everything. You know exactly what Destiny does. How close did you ever get to Destiny? You were always my favourite client. I let down my guard with you a lot more than I did with anyone else. So, how close did you get?” Roxas asked again. “What is so wrong about making money that way?”

Axel rubbed his eye tiredly. “If you do it with your clothes on, you can keep doing it.”

“So I have to choose between being with you or being able to support myself?” Roxas scowled. Anger was boiling up quickly. He was just so frustrated that Axel was so willing to throw away their relationship rather than take the time to fix it.

“Don’t say it like that. I have no problem with you earning money. I have a problem with how you do it. You are supposed to be with me, not fulfilling the fantasies of other men. I know, even as I’m saying this it sounds sort of possessive or controlling. But I’m not. I just want what is best for us, for you.” Axel groaned and wiped his hand down his face. “I’m not exactly a self-assured person. If you are still doing the Destiny thing, I’ll start getting nervous and jealous. I’ll worry that all those other men are giving you something that I’m not and that’s why you keep doing it. I just can’t do it.”

Roxas sat up quickly. “So that’s it? You aren’t willing to try and work this out? You can’t even be fucking bothered to  _ try _ and work this out? When we first started this conversation you said we would think about it. We would work out my spending and go from there. You really can’t be bothered to try and work this out with me?” Roxas slid off the bed and began pacing back and forth at the end of the bed. “I want to make this work. I want to try and figure this out with you. But that isn’t going to work if I’m the only one who gives a fuck.”

“You aren’t the only one who fucking cares,” Axel sat up. “I don’t want this to end. I just know that you aren’t going to choose me anyway. You’ve made it pretty clear you don’t want to give the job up.”

“I said I’d think about it. Unlike you, I meant it.”

“Fuck you. You aren’t the only one losing something here,” Axel spat.

“You should leave.” So close to tears again, there was no way Roxas was going to fall apart right now. Not in front of Axel. He turned his back to Axel. His hands were shaking by his sides, fisted tightly.

Axel stormed out without another word, leaving Roxas alone. He really hated being alone. He crawled into bed, curled up tightly. This turned out nothing like he had planned. He should have known better. Telling the truth had never got him anywhere in the past.

There was a knock at Roxas’ door. He blinked bleary-eyed, not remembering falling asleep. “Yeah?” he called out in a hoarse voice.

The door cracked open and Naminé came in. “What are you doing in the dark? Are you OK?”

“Yeah, just fell asleep I guess,” Roxas pushed himself up into a half-seated position.

“Axel was leaving as I was coming in. His eyes were really red,” Naminé slowly moved to sit on the bed. “He said you two broke up.”

Roxas nodded and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Yeah, I think so.”

“He wouldn’t tell me what happened. I drove him home, he was in no state to drive himself. What happened?” she asked placing a hand over Roxas’ and lightly squeezing.

Roxas shook his head. He couldn’t afford to lose Naminé and Axel in one day. “He’s just being an idiot. I told him something and he didn’t agree with it and apparently, it was enough to break up with me over.”

Naminé sighed. “Rox, I’m so sorry. I know how much you liked him. Would you like me to stay with you?”

Roxas nodded and let himself flop back, boneless onto the bed. He was mentally and physically exhausted. He was still pretty mad, but it was very slightly ebbing away knowing Axel was so upset he had to be driven home. He never intended to hurt Axel.

“Yes please.” Roxas rolled onto his side, facing Naminé and curling his arms around his pillow. “Is Axel OK?”

Naminé toed off her shoes and lay on the bed opposite Roxas. “I found him doubled over in the elevator. I think it was a panic attack, or at least close to one. I drove him home, there was no way I would let him drive in that condition. His roommate was home, so he’s not alone. He’ll be ok.”

Roxas’ heart sank. None of this was supposed to happen. “Thank you.”

Naminé nodded. “No problem. We’ll sort out his car in the morning. It’s still in the car park. You should try talking to him again when you have both calmed down. I know I don’t know what happened and chances are you aren’t going to tell me anyway. But you have been so happy since you met Axel. I really want you two to work whatever it is out.”

“It’s not that simple.” Roxas sniffled. “I really want it to work too. I really like him, Nam.”

“I know,” Naminé uttered softly. “Try to sleep. You will feel better in the morning.”

Having Naminé with him made Roxas feel more comfortable and less alone. He still had his friends if Axel left him. He wouldn’t be completely alone.

His eyelids grew heavy and he fell into a dreamless sleep swiftly.

-o.0.o-

The next morning Roxas awoke early. Naminé was still asleep beside him judging by the soft rise and fall of her chest. He quietly got out of bed and picked up his tablet and sat out in the living room. He sat cross-legged on the lounge, leaning back against where the back of the lounge met the arm of the chair and opened a new spreadsheet.

He stared at the blank page for a few moments not knowing where to start, or if it would even matter if he did start writing anything down. Axel probably wouldn’t care anymore anyway. But, just in case he could get Axel to talk about it with him, be began tracking his spending. The figures were adding up fast. It surprised Roxas to see how much he spent, written in front of him. He found a few places he could cut down his spending.

Turned out that it was expensive to be Destiny since Roxas constantly needed to buy new clothes, toys, and other products like lube and toy cleaner. Then there were the subscriptions for VPNs and the voice changer. He also had to pay the host website for his profile to be held there.

Being Roxas was only a fraction cheaper than being Destiny. Roxas had rent, bills, the car, textbooks, and entertainment to pay for. Even in those categories, he could see a few things he could live without.

He began a new column with everything he could do without, subtracting it from the original number. Then another column of how much he would be spending after giving up anything he could, Destiny included. Now he had a number to compare to his bank balance to see how long he could survive on his savings just in case finding a job proved difficult. He had been putting money aside in a savings account since he began camming. It was originally supposed to be for Roxas to set up his life somewhere nice after he had graduated. But now... Now he really did want to be with Axel. He was happy in Radiant Garden; it was where all his friends were. Maybe he didn’t need to start all over again somewhere else.

He got up and went to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and looked blankly at the contents. Nothing was appealing this morning. He just wasn’t hungry while he was so stressed. He switched the kettle on and made himself a coffee then returned to his spreadsheet.

While scrutinising the spreadsheet and sipping coffee, he had lost track of time. Naminé had woken up and gone straight to her room. She emerged a few minutes later after changing her clothes. Her brow was furrowed as she looked down at the phone in her hand.

“Everything OK?” Roxas asked.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that,” Naminé smiled softly. “How are you feeling?”

Roxas shrugged and locked his tablet screen. “Just drained. I don’t know what to do anymore. I shouldn’t have told him anything. I shouldn’t have got so mad at him.”

“Are you going to try talking to him again?” Naminé circled around the couch to sit next to Roxas.

“Yeah, I want to try again. Maybe we can work something out.” Roxas didn’t believe that, but he desperately wanted it to be true.

“Well, he just sent me a text saying that he felt better and wanted to come and talk to you if you will let him.”

Roxas bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah. Tell him to come over.”

“I have to pick him up. His car is still here, remember?”

“Oh, right. Want me to go get him?” Roxas offered.

“No, you stay here and do whatever you need to do to gather your thoughts. Go wash your face, finish your coffee and make sure you are calm, ok?” Naminé stood and collected her keys from the kitchen bench and left to collect Axel.

Roxas followed Naminé’s suggestions and finished his coffee and washed his face. He got changed out of the clothes from yesterday that he had fallen asleep in, and into something clean. None of that had made him feel any different. 

Around fifteen minutes later, Naminé opened the front door, eyes locating Roxas quickly as she opened the door further to let Axel in.

Roxas didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Was kissing or hugging out of the question now? Were they actually still broken up if both of them were there right now with the intention of trying to work through the issue? It was all making Roxas’ head hurt.

Axel looked tired like he hadn’t slept all night. It made Roxas feel horrible to know that he was the one making Axel upset.

“Hey,” Axel greeted nervously, breaking the silence.

“Hey,” Roxas replied. He looked around for his tablet and picked it up. “I want to show you something. We’ll talk in my room.” He waited for a confirmation nod from Axel then went to his room with Axel following. He closed the door behind Axel after both of them were inside. He unlocked his tablet and handed it to Axel. “I worked out how much I spend each month on everything, then worked out what I could maybe do without.”

Axel sat on the edge of Roxas’ bed and looked over the spreadsheet. “You are a lot more expensive to keep than I thought you would be,” he said with a wry smile. “So does this mean you are considering getting rid of Destiny?”

Roxas ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I guess. I meant it when I said I wanted to work this out. But I’m going to need some time to think it through if you are still going to make me choose. If we stay together I’m going to need a plan of what to do next. I don’t like leaving things in limbo.” Roxas bit his lip nervously. “If I do decide to choose you, will this be the end of this discussion? I don’t want you to hold it against me at some point in future. I’m… ,” Roxas pursed his lips in thought. This talking about feelings thing was still very new to him. “I’m worried that it will be something you use against me if we have an argument later on.”

Axel nodded, his eyes moving from Roxas back to the spreadsheet. “If you choose me, you’ll never hear another word about any of this from me. I swear. But I’m worried that you’ll think I owe you for giving up your job and end up resenting me for it.”

“So what do we do?” Roxas picked at a chip in his thumb nail. “Are you willing to give me a few days to think about it? It’s a big decision to make. I don’t particularly want to give up you or the job. But I’m open to ideas. Maybe I could cut down to two or three sessions a week.” Roxas sat on the bed next to Axel. “It would give me more time to spend with you.”

“I’m not worried about how much time we spend together. I’m worried about what you do in the time we are apart.”

“So there isn’t a compromise? It’s either you or Destiny?” Roxas felt the familiar prickle of tears in his eyes and lump in his throat.

Axel sighed heavily. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Soooo,” Roxas drew the word out nervously. He was at a complete loss as to what happens after a break-up. This was all another first for him. “We try being friends?”

Axel looked at him sadly. “Yeah. I think we should try.”

They sat in silence as they each dwelled on how quickly their relationship changed. Axel put the tablet on the bed and stood up.

“I should go.” Axel ran his hand through his hair. “I need some time to think.”

Roxas nodded and stood. “OK. Please think about it. I can email you the spreadsheet if you want. I’m really trying to make this work.”

Axel pulled Roxas close, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on top of Roxas’ head. “I know, Rox,” he whispered. “I know. I’ll do my best, but I’m not sure I’ll change my mind about this.”

Roxas let Axel envelop him. He rested his head against Axel’s chest and inhaled the scent of spicy coconut. He wanted that moment to last forever. As soon as Axel walked away, Roxas knew the relationship would be over, so he held on tight with his hands fisted in Axel’s shirt and didn’t let go. And that’s how they stayed for a while, could have been five minutes or it could have been half an hour, Roxas didn’t know.

Axel eventually pulled away and kissed Roxas’ forehead. “I’ll see you at uni on Monday, OK?”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah, OK.”

“Take care of yourself. We’ll talk on Monday after we have both had a chance to… to process all this.” Axel gave Roxas a wry smile before leaving and heading home.

 


	12. Chapter 12 - Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas get's outed.

Destiny had his regular session with Superior_Mansex. The sessions could be rough on Roxas at the best of times. Today he was struggling. He was still emotionally vulnerable and being called ‘slut’, ‘whore’, and ‘pet’ was grating on his nerves. 

Two months ago, Destiny and Superior_Mansex had come to an agreement regarding their sessions together. Destiny would wear a mask so Superior_Mansex could see more of him. Of course, the privilege of seeing more of Destiny than anyone else came with a steep price tag. 

Roxas wasn’t fond of the mask. He didn’t have to wear it for long, but it was hot. The latex clung uncomfortably tight to his skin and then stuck there from sweat. He thought he may be developing claustrophobia from it. 

Then there was the recent addition of the cock cage, a nightmarish metal contraption that prevented an erection. However, it was better than the original request of a penis plug. That was  _ way _ out of Roxas’ comfort zone. Roxas thought he was fairly liberal when it came to sex and fetishes, but he was  _ not _ going shove a rod of metal into his dick. That was a hard limit. 

He closed the laptop at the end of the session and stared at the plastic silver cover for a moment, collecting his thoughts. He unzipped the mask and peeled the latex from his face. It was a relief to have it off. He took a deep comforting breath and removed the cock cage. It was a fiddly stupid thing which could pinch skin in horrible places if Roxas wasn’t careful.

What the fuck was he doing?  _ This _ is what he chose over Axel? 

Yes, he was just paid very well and he should be grateful. He was grateful. But today, something felt off. Something was different. 

He picked at the electrical tape on the floor and looked around the space. Maybe it was time for something else. 

He had spent years wanting someone to look at him the way Axel did, so warm and yet the tiny glimmer in his eyes that gave away the attraction he felt. He missed Axel. Even if the man was currently being a jerk.

Roxas got up from the floor and went to have a well-deserved shower.

-o.0.o-

Sharing two lectures a week with Axel proved to be painful. Monday had been horrible. He didn’t make it through the whole lecture. It was just too much, too early. The emotional wounds hadn’t had time to even scab over yet. It also didn't help that today was Wednesday. He would have liked an Axel-free week to collect himself a bit. Nothing in Roxas’ life was easy, he’d probably die of shock if it was suddenly easier now. 

“Didn’t see you on Monday after class. Are you avoiding me or something?” Axel asked, walking up alongside Roxas. 

Roxas quickly glanced at Axel. “Left early to go to the library,” he lied. “Heading there now to get an assignment finished.”

“Then I’ll join you,” Axel said cheerfully. 

Damn. Now he was going to have to actually work on an assignment. Why didn't he say he was going home? Idiot. “OK.”

“You know, you walk fast for someone so short,” Axel quickened his pace slightly. 

“Pretty sure you’ve said that before. When we went to the movies.”

“I did? Which movie?” Axel effortlessly took the stairs to the library entrance two at a time. 

“The horror movie,” Roxas informed, hurrying up the stairs to keep up. 

Axel grimaced. “Oh.”

“What? It was still a good day.” Once inside the library, Roxas sought out a desk and put his bag down. He slumped tiredly into the chair. Luckily he did have assignments that he could work on. He wasn’t a complete liar. 

“I still wish I’d told you the truth,” Axel sighed and sat beside Roxas. “I really hate horror movies. I just really wanted to spend time with you.”

“No harm done.” Roxas smiled and pretended the topic wasn’t painful. He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to hide the truth from Axel, but he did. 

“Our resident whore,” a voice behind him said before the person walked around the table to stand in front of him. 

“What the fuck do you want, Seifer?” Roxas scowled, a sinking feeling making itself known in his gut. 

Seifer being around was never a good thing. Especially not for Roxas. Seifer seemed to take issue with Roxas being openly gay. He just seemed to be one of those people who got their kicks from being a jerk to people. 

“I hear you can’t get anyone to fuck you so you fuck yourself and let people watch. You'll do anything for money,” Seifer sneered and leaned over the table, supporting himself by the palms of his hands. “I have $20 and a spare half hour, whaddaya say you blow me?”

“... W-What?” Roxas was sure he was about to throw up. Bile was rising from his stomach and mouth watering unsettlingly. 

Seifer grinned and leaned in closer. “Overheard your friend here,” he tipped his head towards Axel “talking to the moron blond one. He said you’re a good little camwhore. You would rather make your money whoring than have a relationship.” Seifer gave them both a fake pout. “Oh dear, you broke Red’s heart.” Pulling his phone out of his pocket, the man held it out in front of Roxas. “I’m going to need a little bit of help here,” he tapped the screen over the play button. “Is this you?” 

The video began playing. The naked torso of a man was on the screen. The body began moving up and down. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Axel growled at Seifer. 

Pale and panicked, Roxas’ eyes darted between Axel and Seifer. How did Seifer get a recording of Monday’s session? There was no mistaking that he was viewing a video of himself, even without his face being shown. That was Destiny's space. He knew those pillows in the background. People began looking on, watching the situation at hand. 

“How...?” Roxas croaked. This was bad. This was very bad. 

“You were easy to find once I had a name to look for. Your ex provided that for me,” Seifer gave Axel a two-fingered salute. He pulled his phone back quickly as Roxas tried to grab it. “Nuh uh uh. This is my copy. Get your own.”

He felt trapped and cornered... and a multitude of other horrible things in the blink of an eye. He didn’t know how to handle it. His stomach soon made the decision for him. He got up and ran, chair crashing loudly as it fell. He only  _ just _ made it to the nearest bathroom before his stomach contents found its way out. 

By the time Axel found him, Roxas was bent over a bathroom sink with his arm loosely crossed over the back of his head. He could hear Axel approach hesitantly and put Roxas’ bag on the bench. A large hand was placed on his back and rubbed in circles. Roxas assumed it was supposed to be soothing. It wasn’t. 

“Are you ok?” Axel asked softly, “Can I get you anything?”

Roxas shook his head stiffly. “Just leave me alone.”

“I am so sorry. We were talking quietly and I didn’t think anyone was close enough, let alone would be listening to us,” Axel apologised, desperation obvious in every word. 

Roxas turned on the tap and rinsed the foul taste out of his mouth with cold water and splashed some on his face, wiping it off with his hands. “Apologising isn’t going to change anything. Just don’t bother.” He straightened up and picked up his bag. A strong grip around his wrist stopped him before he could leave. 

“I really am sorry. You know I wouldn’t have told anyone deliberately.” Axel’s eyes studied Roxas’ face, his brow knit together with worry. 

“You told Demyx,” Roxas replied coldly. 

“Yeah, but... I needed –“ Shoulders hunched, almost making Roxas’ icy demeanour thaw. “Fuck. Rox, I’m really sorry.”

Roxas stormed out without a second thought. He could hear Axel calling after him, asking him to wait, but right now Roxas was too hurt to deal with it. He quickly strode past the commotion in the library. He kept his eyes pointed straight ahead and headed out to his car. 

-o.0.o-

Roxas heard the front door close, signalling Naminé coming home. She was bound to know about the camming by now. Seifer would have made sure everyone knew by the end of the day. The asshat had hours to spread the news. Roxas had a lot of questions about it, though Seifer wouldn't be likely to indulge Roxas in answers. Something was off about it. If Seifer had recorded the video on Monday, then why wait until Wednesday to be a jerk? Roxas knew Seifer was on campus yesterday. Was he that dense that he needed a day to plan how to screw Roxas over? It was frustrating that he would probably never get answers even if he asked Seifer. 

He was really nervous about what would happen now. Would Naminé even want to talk to him? What if she was grossed out and wanted him to move out? 

There was a quiet knock at the door. The door handle squeaked as it was turned and the door opened, allowing a column of light in. Roxas turned his head to see Naminé standing in the doorway. Silently, Naminé walked to the bed and lay down next to Roxas, waiting for him to be ready to talk. Just the same as Roxas had done for her many times in the past year. Roxas never thought that he would one day be the one requiring comfort. 

“I’m sorry,“ was all Roxas could manage. A thick lump in his throat made the words rough but quiet. If he said more he knew he would tear up again. But they knew each other well enough that Naminé didn’t try to make him talk. She just curled up beside him with her forehead against his cheek. 

They stayed like that for half an hour as Naminé ran her fingers through Roxas’ hair to soothe him as Roxas stared at the ceiling. 

“I fucked up,” Roxas’ voice croaked. “Nami, I fucked up real bad.”

“No, you didn’t,” Naminé soothed. 

“I did and he’s going to hate me.”

“Who? Axel? Axel doesn’t hate you. He came and found me after class. He’s worried about you. Right now, he’s worried that you hate him. He said that you got mad at him and stormed off.”

Roxas nodded weakly. “I did because I’m an idiot. He promised he wouldn’t tell anyone but he  _ did _ . I trusted him. I just needed time to work out what to do, but he told Demyx and now everyone knows. He probably did it deliberately. Trying to force my hand. I have to quit now. He got what he wanted.” The flare of anger cooled as fast as it had struck. Now he just felt even more awful. His thoughts were all over the place. He didn’t really think Axel had done anything deliberately. It was just a bad situation and he had no one to blame but himself. His hand slapped over his face as he groaned, ashamed of himself. 

Naminé shook her head. “No, Rox. He needed his best friend. He needed to talk about what was bothering him.” Naminé propped her head up on her elbow. 

“Are you mad?” Roxas’ eyes met Naminé’s in the dim light. “Are you mad that I didn’t tell you myself?”

Naminé took a long pause to think. “Not  _ mad _ . I’m worried about you and maybe a little hurt that you didn’t think you could tell me. I just don’t want anything to happen to you, Rox. You don’t know who those people are, or if they could track you down. Nothing is ever one hundred percent anonymous on the internet. People can get around VPNs and hack websites. You are so lucky that Seifer is such an idiot and didn’t try to blackmail you!” Naminé’s voice grew panicked towards the end. 

Roxas sniffled, taking his friend’s chastising in stride. “I know... ,” he turned onto his side to hug Naminé. “I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

“I’m not disappointed in you. I just don’t understand. Why did you need money that badly?” 

“I needed the money to pay my university fees, and rent, and for the car. I can’t focus on my grades if I’m working some stupid job I hate for $10 an hour. I’d have to work every hour I’m not at uni or asleep. Camming was quick easy money. I make-  _ made _ ,” he corrected himself, “more in a week than Sora and Riku make a month combined.”

“Is money really that important to you?” Naminé asked softly. 

“It... was.”

“We could move somewhere cheaper. This apartment is on the expensive side.”

Roxas shook his head. “I like this apartment. I put together a spreadsheet of how much I spend, so I know how much I need to get by. I have money put away, I’ll be fine for now.”

“What do you want to do?” Naminé’s hand resumed combing through Roxas’ hair. 

“Stay here and get Axel back,” Roxas said, determined. 

“Forget about Axel for the moment. I meant what do you want to do for work. What do _you_ _want_ to do for the rest of your life?”

“I haven’t thought about it.” Roxas hadn’t thought about what he wanted to use his degree for. Not for a long time. 

“Think about it. You should make an appointment with the careers counsellor. They might be able to give you a few ideas,” Naminé suggested. 

“If I get a different job, do you think Axel would want me back?” Roxas asked hopefully. 

“I’m not sure. I think so. You would have to ask him yourself.” Naminé lay quietly for a moment before she spoke again. “You aren’t doing all this for Axel, are you?”

Roxas shook his head. “No. It’s time for me to work out what I want my career to be. I think I’d like something where I could write. I used to enjoy writing.” Roxas frowned. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember why or when he stopped. 

Naminé tossed him a sceptical look. “I want to believe you, Rox. But you are just so caught up in Axel. I want you to make changes for  _ you,  _ not for him.”

“I will. I’m going to come up with a plan and get my shit together. For me. Not Axel. I’ll probably never get Axel back. It would be nice to meet someone one day and not have to hide what I do for a living. Or, you know, have to tell them I’m a whore,” he gave Naminé a self-deprecating smile. 

“This is why you have to put yourself first. You obviously aren’t proud of what you do, so why do it?”

Roxas quietly thought about Naminé’s question for a moment. “I guess I wasn’t proud of what I did... or at least it wasn’t really something I felt like I could tell people about. But I was proud to be good at it. It was nice having something to be good at, even if no one else knew.”

Naminé smiled softly. “That’s good. I’m sure you have learnt a few lessons along the way that will be useful.”

“I can read people better... .“ Was that really the only transferable skill that he had learnt in seven months? “Oh, I guess it was like owning my own business, right? I handled all the negotiations, money, and scheduling.”

“That’s really good. You have skills that you can use in the future. Although, I’m not sure how to put that on a resume,” Naminé hummed. “You could add it to your resume as a live model,” she chuckled. “Anyway, It’s all going to be OK,” she soothed. “You’ll think of something. If it turns out that you want to go back to the webcam thing, then I’ll still support your decision. I’ll be proud of you no matter what, as long as you are happy.”

“Thanks, Nam.”

-o.0.o-

Roxas spent an entire week at home, in bed, hoping it was all a dream or for spontaneous combustion to consume his whole body. But, alas, it was no dream and he never caught fire. 

Seifer had made it his own personal campaign to make sure everyone knew about Roxas being a camwhore. Although, interestingly enough, no pictures or videos had been circulated. He still ended up with text messages and calls from his friends wanting to confirm the rumour and check on him. Their concern was sweet, but Roxas still wasn't ready to talk about it. He had no idea how to talk about it. 

It took him a good fifteen minutes to gather the courage to get out of the warm protective bubble of his car.

If there was a deity watching over him, Roxas was sure it hated him. Riku was coming from the opposite direction, speeding up when he caught sight of Roxas. 

“Didn’t know if you’d come today,” Riku said after jogging over. “You ok?”

“Fucking peachy,” Roxas grumbled. 

Riku looked around then quickly. “I have some scotch in my car if you want.“

“But it’s –,“ he cut himself off. It’s Wednesday. He had just forgotten that he no longer had Axel either online or in person. Roxas sighed heavily. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks. We can go to mine if you want, Naminé has time booked in the art room all afternoon.”

Riku nodded once. “I’ll just let Sora know.” He pulled out his phone and texted his boyfriend. He received one back, “He’ll catch up with us in an hour or so.”

They got in their separate cars and drove to Roxas’ apartment. It had been a while since Roxas had invited his friends over. He had always been paranoid that someone would see his bedroom and just  _ know _ that Roxas was a camwhore. Now that everyone already knew, he wouldn’t have to try and hide it anymore. Not that he was thinking about flaunting it, but he no longer had to lie. 

He unlocked the door, letting Riku in and dumping his bag near the hallway along with his shoes. Roxas got two glasses out of the kitchen cupboard and bought them out to the living room, placing them on the coffee table with the bottle of amber liquid Riku had placed there. Roxas sat on the floor behind the coffee table, leaning back against the couch. He cracked open the seal on the scotch and poured two glasses, downing his in one go and pouring another. 

“That bad, huh?” Riku sat on the floor beside him. 

Roxas nodded, pushing one glass towards Riku. Roxas snorted and laughed. “Remember when I thought Axel dumping me was my biggest problem?” He threw back his second glass of scotch. “Fuck my life. Just... Fuck it so hard.”

“I’d rather not,” Riku sipped his scotch. “The way I see it, you can throw in the towel and change universities, or wait it out. You know the majority of students don’t have the attention span to keep the gossip alive longer than a week. Any day now you will be old news and no one will give a shit what you did.”

“And Axel?” Roxas asked gloomily as he poured himself another drink. 

“What about him?”

“I miss him,” Roxas huffed. “And the last time I spoke to him I was mad at him.”

“And he deserved it,” Riku took another sip. 

“No, he didn’t,” Roxas frowned. “I just got mad without thinking. I still haven’t apologised to him.”

“Wait, do I have the story wrong or wasn’t he the reason everyone knows?” Riku quirked an eyebrow over the rim of his glass as he sipped. 

“No. Yes. No.” Roxas sighed and took a sip of his drink. His nose wrinkled in disgust. “Holy fuck. This stuff could strip paint,” he exclaimed, looking in the glass. 

“It wasn’t the paint I was hoping to get to see strip.”

Roxas blinked slowly at Riku. “I love you, man. But what would Sora say?” he bit his lip to keep from laughing. 

“Shut up. I bought it for Sora,” Riku rolled his eyes. 

“He’s not going to strip for you now that you gave away his gift,” Roxas smirked. 

“Then maybe you should. Especially since you seem to be aiming at finishing the bottle by yourself,” Riku frowned slightly at the diminishing bottle of liquid. 

“You missed the gossip, did you? I get paid for that, remember?” Roxas let his head fall back onto the seat cushion. 

“How much?”

Roxas rolled his head to the side. “What?”

“How much do you get paid to strip?”  Riku asked. 

Roxas shrugged. “Depends how many people are watching or who is watching. More than you get paid for a day’s work.”

Riku scratched his cheek. “Wonder if Sora would mind if I became a camwhore.”

“You’re really OK with it? You don’t think I’m an idiot like everyone else does?”

“No, why would I? I think it’s genius. You can do whatever you want. You work, what, an hour a day and get paid better than the rest of us. No wonder you kept it a secret. You didn’t want any competition.” Riku drained his glass then refilled it. “What’s it like?”

Roxas was mildly surprised that Riku was fine with the news. It felt nice to have someone in his corner. As much as Naminé said she was ok with it, Roxas could tell it made her uncomfortable. But he had Riku. Riku always understood him. 

“I used to like it. It’s like any job, some days are better than others. Some clients are better than others. The majority of my clients were nice. Bound to find a few assholes in that line of work though.”

Riku sat quietly for a few moments, looking into his glass before he decided to speak. “You know,” he began, combing his fingers through his hair. “I think I’ve watched you before.”

Roxas didn’t reply, he just watched Riku and hoped for him to continue. He didn’t know what to say. Under normal circumstances, he would have been horrified that Riku had seen him naked. But these weren’t normal circumstances. These were shitty, depressing, drunken circumstances. 

“You’re good at what you do. if that helps... ,” Riku continued.

“Thanks,” Roxas muttered quietly. He sat quietly until a horrible thought crossed his mind. “Does Sora know?”

“What you do? Yes. That I have seen you? No.” Riku watched Roxas soak in the answer, hoping that one of them helped. 

“That’s not so bad then... . Has he said anything about it? He’s not going to abandon me too, is he?” Roxas asked nervously. 

Olette and Pence hadn’t tried to talk to him since Seifer spread the news. The thought of losing his friends over this terrified him. Sora was important to him. The bubbly brunet was a great friend, better than he deserved most of the time. 

He didn’t know what he could do to even attempt to fix things with his friends if they were embarrassed by him now. It wasn’t like he could go back in time and not be a camwhore. He didn’t think that he would change it if he could. The job had been good for him. It gave him confidence when he had none in the beginning. It gave him money when he desperately needed it. He had a good run. It was unfortunate that Destiny was only just getting popular. But he was comfortable with his decision to move on. He had enough money saved to last him almost until the end of the year without a job, he just hoped it wouldn’t take that long. 

“Of course not. You are his friend. He would never just abandon you. We haven’t really talked about it much. He’s more worried about you than the job. Worried someone will find out personal information about you or hurt you. I tried to tell him that you’re fine, but that’s a bit difficult without telling him how I know that. You're smart and seem to know what you're doing. ” Riku refilled his glass. “If you spoke to Olette and Pence I think you’ll find that they aren’t mad about what you think they are.”

Roxas nodded. “I’ll talk to them.” His eyes narrowed at Riku, a small smile playing on his lips. “You’ve seen me naked.”

“Yup. If there was a step after naked, that would be how I saw you.”

“If it was any one of my other friends, I’d probably be freaking out right now. Knowing you’ve seen me like that doesn’t worry me as much. Of course, I would prefer you watched any one of the thousands of other live cam feeds out there. But,” Roxas shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just not so bad.” He looked at his glass for a moment. “Or I’m drunk,” he chuckled tapping his fingers on the glass. “That would explain why I’m not freaking out.”

“You have knocked back a few already. I haven’t had nearly enough,” Riku finished his glass and poured another. 

“How did you end up finding Destiny? I mean,  _ why _ ? You’ve been with Sora the whole time. Unless you two have been having problems and haven’t said anything,” Roxas sat up straight and gave Riku a concerned look. 

“No problems. Everything’s been fine.” Riku finished off the glass of scotch in one go. “All right,” he said placing his cup on the coffee table and turning his body towards Roxas. “My turn to tell the truth, I guess. You know what Sora’s like during exam time, right?”

Roxas snorted. “That he stresses so much that he’ll eat anything that can’t run away from him?”

Riku nodded. “Yeah, that too. He’s never in the mood if he’s stressed.” He paused and cleared his throat. “I’m the opposite. A quick internet search while Sora was at the library and I found you. I obviously didn’t know it was you.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“What did you think of it?” 

“Fuck this is weird,” Riku grumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It was fine. It did what it was supposed to. Having all those other guys watching at the same time was a turn-off. I can see how you would make a lot of money from private shows.”

“Fair enough,” Roxas nodded, happy with the answer. “Thanks,” he said, making eye contact. “For being here even though I know I’m not much fun at the moment.”

Riku huffed and smiled wryly. “You need a good dicking.”

Roxas’ face fell into a natural pout as he nodded. “Without Axel or camming, I have no outlet. Pretty sure in a month I will have worn the skin off the palm of my hand from wanking so much,” Roxas stared at his hand. “I’m kinda surprised I haven’t tried to feel you up yet.”

“If you are worried about losing skin then I think you’re doing it wrong,” Riku blinked at Roxas. “Sora and I will take you out this weekend,” he said, peeking at Roxas’ palm. 

“But... I want Axel.”

“Fuck Axel,” Riku slurred. “He broke up with you, remember? We’ll find you someone hotter and not such a fucking prude.”

Roxas frowned. None of that sounded right. There wasn’t anyone hotter than Axel and if there was Roxas didn’t care anyway. He only wanted Axel. And Axel was no prude. 

“If you can find me someone better than Axel, I’d like to meet them,” Roxas put forward, knowing that his friends had no hope of finding such a mythical being. 

“Cool. We’ll find you someone hot to fuck,” Riku clinked their glasses together clumsily and drained his glass. “You deserve better than how Axel broke up with you, so stop looking at me like that,” he flicked Roxas’ forehead, the blond’s slow reflexes offered no protection. “He pulled a dick move giving you an ultimatum like that.”

“I know. I am still pissed off about it, but I get it. He’s allowed to have an opinion.”

“He’s a fucking hypocrite,” Riku scowled slightly. 

Roxas laughed and rested his head on Riku’s shoulder. “I know that too.”

“Don’t let him get away with that crap,” Riku said sternly. 

“You’re like my Jiminy Cricket. Except, you know, if he was an asshole.”

Riku snorted. “Yeah and one day I’ll make you into a real man,” he drunkenly winked at Roxas. 

Roxas giggled and let out a long pained groan. “You’re the worst.”

A loud knocking to the tune of Shave and a Haircut on the front door alerted the two men to Sora’s arrival. Through giggles, Roxas managed to yell that the door was open. Sora let himself in, seeing his friend and boyfriend sitting on the floor. 

“How much have you two had to drink already?” Sora asked, removing his shoes at the door. 

“Uh,” Riku squinted at the bottle. “Half of it.”

Sora sat down on the other side of Roxas. “So what are you talking about?”

“Axel being an asshole,” Riku responded. 

“Riku!” Sora gasped. “I told you not to. You can’t say that. You’re supposed to be supportive.”

“I thought I was,” Riku shrugged. 

Roxas snorted. “It’s OK, Sora. Really.” He straightened up, removing his head from its comfortable spot on Riku’s shoulder. His head was feeling too heavy for his body. Did it always feel like that? 

Sora sighed. “Have you spoken to him recently? He keeps looking for you at uni.”

“He sent a few texts, apologising. I replied to a few,” Roxas shrugged. 

Riku scoffed. “You’re gonna go over there and end up on your back with your legs in the air. Let him worry for a while.”

“We’ll see. Oh! Hey, Sor, Riku’s gonna become a camwhore. What do you think? I think he could earn some good money,” Roxas giggled. 

Sora eyed the men suspiciously. “What?”

“Mhmm. Sounds good, yeah? I could make more than I do now,” Riku choked on a laugh at the end. 

“Easy. Muscle worship is a big thing. A lot of money to be made there. You wouldn’t even need to get your cock out,” Roxas said as he poured another glass of scotch. 

“Wait, really?” Riku asked seriously, clearly no longer joking. 

“Don’t encourage him, Rox,” Sora sighed. 

Roxas chuckled. “All right. All right. Nothing he can’t look up anyway,” he winked at Riku. 

“I'm going to boil the jug. You two need to sober up. It's only three in the afternoon,” Sora got up and went to the kitchen.    
  


-o.0.o-

When Sora and Riku left, Roxas went to his room and took the room divider out to the street and dumped it on the curb. He went back up to his room and deleted everything to do with Destiny, the profile and everything to do with Destiny from the laptop. Next were Destiny’s clothes which were stuffed into a large black garbage bag. The clothes could be donated – maybe there were some homeless people who wanted to look trashy.

He sat on the floor and peeled off all the tape lines. It was difficult with blurred vision, but he managed. He picked up as many pillows as he could manage, and kicked the others that he couldn’t carry over to his closet and shoved them in. He would work out what to do with all of those when he was sober.

Looking back at the nearly empty space, only lighting and the sex toys were left. He put the lighting in the closet. It was expensive equipment and still pretty new, he could sell it online. The sex toys, he decided to keep those, especially now that he was single. He just moved the box to the other side of the room, Roxas’ side of the room. Destiny’s side was now empty.

He looked around his room. He felt better, more relieved now there was less of Destiny’s stuff. It was enough progress for him to feel less stressed. He lay on his bed as the ceiling appeared to be spinning above his head. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has recently occurred to me that I have done Roxas a huge disservice by making his webcam sessions pretty vanilla. To fix this, I will be writing a few side stories to this fic. Most will probably be smutty, some will just be fun. There will probably be an Axel POV in there somewhere.


	13. Chapter 13 - Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Destiny scandal, Roxas is ready to get his life in order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. This chapter was done but with people hating Axel I decided to take it in a different direction. I think it's better now. It's more important for Rox to be thinking about himself right now than worrying about Axel.

Roxas lay in bed willing his head to explode so he wouldn’t have to go out tonight. Sora and Riku meant well, but he was in no mood for a club or other people. Why did his friends have to care about him right now? It was inconvenient. Roxas needed another week or two sulking in bed, in old ratty clothes, and watching TV series that made him happy. They could come back and care after he finished season three of Pokémon. 

A glance at his phone told him that he had to move his arse. ‘ _ On our way! Woohoo! We haven’t all been out for ages!’ _ , Sora’s text message read. That was entirely too many exclamation points. An excited Sora would mean that Roxas wouldn’t be getting away with pouting tonight. 

He stumbled over to his wardrobe looking at his clothes for something suitable to wear to a club. Everything was a reminder of either Axel or Destiny. There were a few items of Destiny’s clothes that Roxas had missed in his clean up. He pulled the offending clothing from the cupboard and threw them against the wall in the corner of his room. He slipped into a pair of jeans then looked for a shirt. 

The bedroom door flung open. 

“Hey, Roxy!” Sora said, marching into the room and scaring Roxas half to death. 

“Holy crap!” Roxas doubled over, hands gripping his knees as he willed his heartbeat to slow. “Hey, Sor. Oh Hey, Riku,” he greeted as Riku walked in. 

“Sorry. He ran in as soon as Naminé opened the door.” Riku sauntered up behind Sora and wrap an arm around his chest. 

“Woah, Roxy. You’re really hot. Isn’t Roxy hot, Ku?” Sora said all too pleasantly. 

Roxas and Riku shared an awkward look. Riku had already seen Roxas in a lot less, but it didn’t make it any more comfortable. Two sets of blue eyes ricocheted to opposite sides of the room. Roxas returned to looking for a shirt which would neither remind him of Axel or Destiny. 

“Roxy’s gonna have no trouble picking up guys tonight,” Sora chirped. 

Roxas quickly dressed so they could leave, catching a cab to the club. 

The lights were too bright, music too loud, and his mood too sombre for Roxas to enjoy the club. Sora and Riku meant well, they just wanted Roxas to be happy and have some fun. Once upon a time, he would have had fun in a club. He would have flirted with cute boys, danced with them, and maybe even kissed them. He would have collected phone numbers graciously but never call. 

There were plenty of attractive men at the club, but none were the only man Roxas wanted to see. Riku bought him drink after drink, attempting to loosen him up. Roxas just wasn’t interested. 

“What about him? The one at the bar,” Sora asked, scouting yet another man for his friend. 

Roxas shook his head. “Too short.” He didn’t miss the way Riku rolled his eyes. 

“Then ask if he is a jockey and wants to ride you,“ Riku grumbled, patience worn thin. 

Roxas sighed but doubted it was heard over the thumping of the bass. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to wreck your night. I’ll just go home. You two stay and have fun.”

“No, you have to stay,” Sora begged. He shared a quick look with Riku before continuing. “How about we make a deal? If you go get a guy to buy you a drink we won’t say anything else about you finding someone else.”

“What’s the point?”

“The point is that you are still allowed to have fun. Go flirt and break some hearts. If you still want to go home we’ll leave and we can play video games or something instead.” Sora looked to Riku who nodded, agreeing with the plan. 

Roxas sighed. He didn’t like this at all. Axel may have broken up with him, but he still felt that it would be wrong to flirt with anyone else. It felt like it would be the last nail in the coffin of their relationship. 

Although, at the same time, a distraction would be nice. Getting so hammered he couldn’t think straight might help, even for just one night. 

Axel probably wasn’t even thinking about him. He had probably moved on, found someone else he didn’t need to be embarrassed by. 

“Hottie at the bar. Two o’clock,” Riku nodded his head towards the bar. 

Roxas looked over. There was a tall brunette with broad shoulders and a shirt so tight it looked like he had been sewn into it. Not Roxas’ type at all, but not bad looking either. 

“Fine,” Roxas gulped down the rest of his drink. Only slightly buzzed, Roxas sidled up beside the tall brunet. His hands gripped the top of the bar as he leaned forward waiting for the barman to serve him. 

The brunet glanced at Roxas then checked where that bartender was. He gestured to the bartender who nodded and said he would be there soon. He turned, leaning his side against the bar and looked Roxas up and down. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Roxas had to crane his neck to see the man. He was much taller than Roxas’ 5’6”. He had to be closer to Axel’s height. Unfortunately, that’s where the similarities ended. This man was too muscular and eyes too blue. But if it meant getting Riku and Sora off his back for a while... . 

“Yeah, rum and cola thanks.” Roxas took a quick glance over his shoulder. Riku and Sora were being none too subtle about watching him. Sora was bouncing and tugging at Riku’s arm excitedly. Roxas just had to keep reminding himself that they meant well. They didn’t know how much he was hurting because the last thing he wanted to do was open up to anyone just yet. It didn’t go so well the first time. Not that any of it was Sora or Riku’s fault. But if you couldn’t trust your boyfriend, who could you trust? And that thought just made him feel guilty because he had been friends with Riku and Sora long before Axel came into the picture. Roxas really wasn’t used to opening up to people. 

Roxas was reminded of the old saying that if you fall off the horse, you have to get right back on. But at the moment, it felt as though he had one foot in the stirrups and was being dragged by the horse. After Axel dumped him everything had just gotten worse. He had been dragged through the mud by his secret getting out. Dragged over the gravel of his friends judging him and thinking differently of him. He was not ready to even go near a horse right now. He was terrified of the thought. His old ‘no dating’ rule had served him well. It was time for it to be reinstated. 

A premix bottle appearing in front of him with a loud clink of the glass hitting the bar’s stone surface. 

“I’m Terra,” the tall brunet introduced himself. 

“Roxas,” he said with as much interest in the other man as he could muster. It wouldn’t hurt to be nice to the man and have a drink with him. Sora and Riku just had to be convinced that he tried. 

Terra nodded his head over towards the tables. “Wanna talk for a bit?”

With a quick glance over at Riku and Sora, Roxas nodded. They went to the table and made idle chit-chat. They covered the usual names, ages, and interests. Terra was into some kind of martial arts that Roxas had never heard of which accounted for the man’s large build. They didn’t really have anything in common, as far as Roxas could see. 

Terra asked Roxas if he wanted to dance, Roxas agreed. They made their way to the crowded dance floor. Their bodies pressed together closely as they danced to some awful dance music Roxas wasn’t into. 

Then there was the kiss. Terra leaned in and kissed Roxas soft and slow at first before speeding up. Roxas could only liken it to what it must feel like to kiss a snake or lizard. There was simultaneously both too much and not enough tongue. The man’s tongue flicked in and out of his mouth rapidly as he licked his tongue against Roxas’. It made the list of the top five worst kisses Roxas had experienced. 

When the song was over, Roxas excused himself claiming that he had to get back to his friends and hurried back to Riku and Sora. 

“Sooooo how did it go?” Sora asked cheerfully. 

“I hate you both. That was awful,” Roxas scowled. 

Riku chuckled. “OK. OK.” He took hold of one of Sora’s hands then one of Roxas’ “C’mon. We’ll dance together. You might find someone who catches your eye on the dance floor.”

Once again, Roxas was on the dance floor but this time he was with friends. He found himself having fun as they were being silly and dancing together. Sora and Roxas had Riku sandwiched between them, which Riku didn’t mind at all judging by the gloating looks he gave anyone who looked over. 

A flash of bright red caught Roxas’ eye. The man was mostly obscured by the crowd, but Roxas could see a tall redhead on the dance floor. The beautiful lean body moving to the music as he danced with another man. He was exactly Roxas’ type. 

After a few more songs, the redhead made his way to the bar. Roxas quickly told Riku and Sora he needed to get a drink and took off towards the bar as Sora was yelling out something that sounded like a drink order. Roxas only heard something about ice and cock. 

He slid casually next to the redhead at the bar. The man was even more attractive up close. He had the most stunning blue-green eyes. Roxas was having trouble looking away. 

The man smirked and turned his body towards Roxas. “Hey.”

Roxas blushed and smiled shyly. “Hey.”

“Can I buy you a drink?” 

Roxas, with no source of income, smiled and nodded. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

“What’s your poison?”

“Hmm rum and cola thanks.”

The charismatic man bought the drinks and led Roxas over to an empty table and put the glasses down. “What’s your name, gorgeous?”

Roxas felt a little pang of pain. Axel had always called him gorgeous. It sounded fake from another’s mouth. “Roxas.”

“Reno,” the man said finishing his drink quickly. “Care to dance?” 

Roxas’ stomach flipped and he nodded. He finished his drink quickly and went with the man back to the dance floor. For the second time that night Roxas was having fun. The man was a smooth dancer and kept one arm around Roxas’ waist holding him close as they danced. 

With just enough alcohol in his system to keep his buzz going, Roxas was feeling brave. He enjoyed the sensation of his body rubbing against another – a sensation which he had been missing a lot lately. His libido was raring to go as Reno’s hand strayed lower to Roxas’ backside and pulling their hips together. 

Timidly, Roxas initiated the kiss which was far more enjoyable than the last man he kissed. Reno was a good kisser. It was lusty and sensual. Perfectly sexy in Roxas’ opinion. 

After a few more songs Reno whispered in Roxas’ ear, “You are so sexy. I want to take you home,” he purred. 

Roxas’ stomach flipped again. He was hypnotised by the man’s voice and nodded dumbly. 

“I have a confession,” Reno whispered. “I have a boyfriend, he’s outside having a smoke. Are you up for a threesome, baby?” Reno stroked Roxas’ cheek with the hand not on Roxas’ arse. 

Roxas considered the proposal. His tipsy state made him more open to the idea than he ever would have been otherwise. It wasn't the threesome part that worried Roxas as much as the boyfriend part. 

“Oh, here he is,” Reno smiled over Roxas’ shoulder. ”Hey, babe. Roxas, this is Rude. Rude, Roxas.”

Roxas blinked slowly as he took in how large the other man was. Tall and muscular with a dark bronze skin, the man was intimidating looking. The man would have easily weighed five times what Roxas did. 

Roxas snapped out of his trance pretty quickly. As captivating as the man’s voice was and as erotic as Roxas found the man’s warm breath on his ear and neck, he suddenly felt stone cold sober. “Uh no thanks,” he pulled away from the man and walked off back to Sora and Riku. He really didn’t care about being rude, he was well outside of his comfort zone. 

“Can we go? I really want to leave,” Roxas pleaded with Riku and Sora. 

Riku cast a quick glance at Sora and nodded, “Yeah, we can go. Are you OK?”

Roxas nodded. “I’m just not ready for this.”

Riku nodded and without another word they went back to Roxas’ apartment where they ordered pizza and played video games for the rest of the night. 

As Roxas sat on the lounge watching Sora and Riku banter while playing, he was grateful for having such good friends. Friends who didn’t mind leaving a night out or expect explanations. At that moment, Roxas realised he could trust them, he could talk to them. What Axel did wasn’t going to damage Roxas any more than he already was. 

Roxas shoved Riku out of the way after he lost to Sora and took the controller. “Let me show you how it’s done,” he grinned at Riku. 

-o.0.o-

First thing Monday morning, Roxas had to front up to the faculty Dean about the Destiny rumours circulating. He was nervous and expected to be kicked out of the university. 

His hands were shaking as he walked into the room. A large man behind a larger desk greeted him and told him to take a seat. 

After a very long lecture on university student standards and responsibilities, Roxas didn’t deny the rumours. He admitted to being a “Webcam model” and told the Dean that he had closed down his profile. The Dean admitted that they had no hard proof that Roxas was breaking any student codes, but that the university would not tolerate another incident if Roxas continued. Next time he would be expelled from the university. 

Roxas was shaken but grateful. He thanked the Dean for giving him another chance and promised he wouldn’t hear anything bad about Roxas again. That just led to one of the typical lectures on getting a “proper” job, a phrase that Roxas hated. He believed anything which earned money legally was a proper job. It wasn’t like he was selling drugs or kidneys on the black market. Roxas knew he was never going to be a “typical” straight-laced type of person. He didn’t  _ want  _ to be. There would always be something about his life for others to look down on. 

After sitting through the lecture – which lasted at least 30 minutes – Roxas was pleased to be leaving the Dean’s office as a student. He just had one more thing he needed to do for the day before he could head home. He had to cross the whole campus to get to the careers counsellor. Now that Naminé had made him remember what he was at the university for, he knew what “proper” job he wanted. 

-o.0.o-

In big letters on the door ‘Marluxia Blüm’ was written on the brass plaque. Roxas knocked on the door and waited. The door opened. A tall man, roughly the same height as Axel, with feathered dusty pink hair, stood with a smile.

“Mr Beaumont,” the man greeted before stepping aside. “Come in and take a seat.”

Roxas walked into the small office. The room was just large enough for a desk with an office chair on one side and two plain fabric chairs on the other. The window on the far side of the room was crowded by plants with flowers in a variety of colours.

He sat on one of the chairs and put his bag on the floor beside himself.

“So, what can I help you with?” the counsellor asked as he sat at his desk and brought up Roxas’ details on the computer. 

“It’s about time to start applying for internships, except I’m not sure what sort of places I can apply to. I’d really like something to do with writing, like a newspaper or magazine, rather than television,” Roxas explained. 

Marluxia nodded his head in understanding. “Since you are early, you can afford to be picky. You will have a semester head start on your fellow students.” He spun his chair towards the shelves of folders behind him and pulled one off the shelf, putting it in front of him on the desk. He flicked through plastic sleeves and pulled out a sheet of paper. “This should help. It has a list of newspapers, magazines, publishing houses, and online media.” He took a highlighter out of a draw and highlighted a few lines. “The ones I have highlighted regularly take interns from here. I’d recommend looking into those first. Most of those also employ from the university.” He spun the paper around and slid it in front of Roxas. 

Roxas looked over the list. “Any chance you have heard of any job vacancies in any of these?”

Marluxia studied Roxas for a moment. “You aren’t working?”

“No. Is that a problem?” Roxas asked. 

“Oh no, it isn’t. Just wondering.” Marluxia cleared his throat. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“No. That’s all. Thanks for the list and all the tips.”

“No worries. Let me know if there is anything else I can help with.”

Roxas stood and slung his bag over his shoulder, folding the piece of paper and sliding it in. “Thanks.”

Roxas left the office with a newfound sense of purpose. He was excited to get a taste of the industry he wanted to work in. He headed to his car so he could go home and research each of the companies on the list. 

-o.0.o-

Roxas had just arrived at his apartment when his phone began buzzing in his pocket. He pushed open the front door as he pulled the phone from his pocket, ‘Ax’ appearing on the screen. He hit the green answer button and wedged the phone between his shoulder and ear. 

“Hey, Ax. What’s up?”

_ “Just wanted you to know that Seifer’s not going to a problem anymore. I took care of it.” _

“What do you mean ‘you took care of it’?“ he asked as he went to his room and unloaded his bag onto the floor. 

_ “I, uh – I made sure the videos were deleted. I knew you were probably worried about it. And it was my fault in the first place. But everything is gone.” _

Roxas sat on the edge of his bed, dreading the answer to his next question. “Everything? There was more than that one video?”

Axel sighed.  _ “Yeah. There were a few, but they are all gone. Seifer won’t be making any more trouble for you. Though, you should keep an eye on him anyway. I think he has a thing for you.” _

Roxas rubbed his forehead and groaned. “Great. That’s all I need.” Roxas sighed softly. “Thanks, Ax. Thank you so much. You’re amazing.”

_ “I wouldn’t go that far. It was my fault after all. It’s the least I could do. I’m so sorry, Rox.” _

“I know. You didn’t mean to,” Roxas said, laying back on his bed. “I really wish you would have talked to me about whatever it was, instead of talking to Demyx. I really trusted you, Ax.”

_ “I know, baby. I’m so sorry,” _ Axel said regretfully. “ _ I –“  _ Axel seemed to struggle to find the words.  _ “Rox, I know I was a massive jerk. I shouldn’t have said anything to Demyx. If it helps any, Demyx chewed me out for trying to make you choose and for breaking up with you. He’s right, I was an asshole. You did that spreadsheet and I barely looked at it. I’m so sorry. You’re right. There’s nothing wrong with what you do. I just freaked out and I shouldn’t have. I know that you do it because you make good money. I shouldn’t have broken up with you. I’m such a fucking idiot.” _

“Yeah, well, what’s done is done. You were a jerk. All I asked for was time to sort out what I was going to do. You wouldn’t even give me a few days.” Roxas pulled a pillow towards him and put it under his head. 

_ “Are you still mad?” _

Roxas thought about the question for a moment. “Yeah. I am, but I’ve had time to cool off a bit. I think I’m more frustrated than anything. I feel like I’ve finally done something right and stopped doing everything the lazy way. But you’re not around to tell. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. I never felt like I deserved you,” Roxas ended quietly as he looked over to the now empty corner of his room. “But I feel closer to deserving you than before and it doesn’t even matter anymore.”

_ “It was the other way around. I never deserved you.”  _ There was a quiet sound of Axel fidgeting with something and swallowing heavily.  _ “Can we try again? I really miss you.” _

That came as a surprise to Roxas. Did Axel really miss him or did he just pity Roxas after fucking him over? “I don’t know,” Roxas frowned to himself and bit the side of his lower lip. “Everything is so fucked up. I just don’t know. I-I’m not sure I can trust you anymore. I just want to sort out one problem at a time,” he rested his forearm over his eyes.

_ “You got rid of Destiny didn’t you?” _

“Why?”

_ “I looked for him. His profile is gone.” _

“You  _ what _ ? Are you checking up on me or being a bigger fucking hypocrite than before?” Roxas snapped.

_ “Neither,” _ Axel replied defensively.  _ “I-I missed you,”  _ he said timidly. _ “I wanted to see you, but I knew you wouldn’t want to see me. Photos would be the next best thing but we never took any. It was the only thing I could think of... .“ _

Roxas’ anger subsided marginally. “Yes, it’s gone. I spent all morning getting torn apart by the Dean over something I had already deleted, over something I told you because I should be able to trust my boyfriend!”

_ “I know. I really fucked up. I would do anything to make it up to you.” _

“Because you know that Destiny is gone?”

_ “No. Because I still really like you and I want to make it up to you even if you never take me back. I don’t care about Destiny. I should never have cared in the first place. I trust you. I know that you wouldn’t do anything with those guys. I just...” _ Axel sighed.  _ “I just wasn’t thinking, or rather, I was only thinking of myself.” _

“I’ve never wanted to meet any of my clients. The fact that I did know three of them is still really weird. I never thought Destiny and my real life would ever mix. I would never have done anything that could be considered cheating.” Roxas sat back up and ran a hand through blond spikes. “I didn’t tell you because I thought it would hurt you. Anyway, maybe it was the push I needed.”

_ “Three? You know three clients? I know of me and Demyx, but who is the third?” _

Roxas picked at a thread on the seam of his jeans near his knee. “Riku. But it’s OK. We talked about it and everything’s fine. He’s actually been really good about it all. It doesn’t seem to faze him at all. He seems more curious than anything.”

_ “How I should have been,” _ Axel lamented. 

Roxas hummed. “That would have been nice.”

_ “I’m going to try and find a way to make it up to you. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to do it but I will.” _

Roxas smiled sadly. “Yeah?”

_ “Yeah. It might take a few things since I was such a colossal jackass.” _

“That’s true. It might take a while. Should I pencil you into my schedule for the next few years?”

_ “Really?” _

“Fuck no. I have shit to do. I don’t have Destiny to fall back on so now I have to find a job that society deems acceptable. I was thinking of just starting again under a different name, but since I just narrowly missed getting kicked out of uni, I’m thinking it wouldn’t be such a great idea.”

_ “You were going to start camming again?”  _

“Just thinking about it. I’m not going to and if I was, I wouldn’t be telling you.” The silence Roxas was met with was enough to let him know he had overstepped. “Sorry,” he rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. “I’m just frustrated.”

_ “It’s OK. I deserve it,” _ Axel said quietly. 

“No, you don’t. I keep throwing it back at you and that’s not going to get either of us anywhere. I don’t want to be that person. I’m not petty... ,” Roxas sighed. “If you want to try and make it up to me, I won’t stop you. But if you ever betray my trust again, there won’t be another chance. Please don’t make me regret this,” he pleaded. 

_ “No, I won’t, I promise! I’ll think of stuff right now and I’ll call you when I have an idea, OK?”  _ Axel said quickly. 

“OK.”

_ “I’m on it. You won’t regret it, I promise.” _

“I’ve got to go. I have a lot to do and apparently so do you.”

_ “All right. I’ll call later. Bye, Rox.” _

“Bye.” Roxas ended the call and hit the phone against his forehead. He really hoped he wouldn’t regret this. 

  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14 - You’re The Reason I’m Alone & Masturbate

Roxas walked the city streets in the cold gloomy weather which reflected his mood perfectly. He wanted to deliver his resumes by hand so he knew they were received. Pulling his coat tighter around himself he turned a corner approaching the multi-storey building of the publishing company.

Handing out resumes and begging for internships made him feel more like a whore than camming ever did. He had to keep reminding himself of why he was putting himself through this. He knew everything would be easier if he just got his foot in the door at a newspaper, magazine, or publishing company. Even if the job was awful, it was still experience in the industry. 

It was a few days before he received calls, only two calls. One was a news company, Kingdom Chronicle, focusing on trading newspapers for their news website. They wanted to be seen as a green planet-friendly company. The second was a woman’s magazine, called Illustrious, which Roxas was honestly surprised to hear from at all. He only applied there because the editor and many of the columnists had gone to Radiant Garden University just as he did. Roxas needed all the advantages he could get. 

-o.0.o-

The following week Roxas had an interview with Illustrious Magazine for an internship. He was nervous. Really nervous. He had been to job interviews before, but they never got easier. Especially when there was a lot of pressure to dress well. Illustrious prided themselves on being high-end. So Roxas had decided it would be a good idea to splurge on some stupidly expensive new clothes. He cleaned up well in the new clothes and a bit of product in his hair.  

Naminé and Olette cooed over him and helped with his hair when Roxas got frustrated at it. Once he had their tick of approval he made his way to the interview. 

The building was a tall, daunting, glass and concrete structure. The magazine took up five of the fifteen floors of the building. Roxas would be heading up to see the Editor in Chief on the ninth floor. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t meeting someone from the human resources or recruitment departments but he was sure he would find out soon enough. 

He took the elevator up to the ninth floor and got himself signed in as a visitor at the reception. A perky little brunette girl led him to a conference room where he waited until a woman arrived to interview him. She was a nicely dressed busty brunette, much younger than Roxas was expecting.

“You must be Roxas,” the woman said as she entered the room and closed the door, her heels clicking on the tiled floor as she came over to shake his hand. She sat across from Roxas, placing a file on the table. “I’m Tifa the chief editor at Illustrious. When Marluxia called, I knew I had to get you in here,” the editor said as she looked over Roxas’ resume. 

_ Marluxia? The counsellor?  _

“We take many of our employees from the university. In turn, we get to put a bit of advertising around the campus. It’s a win-win.” She pushed away from her desk a few inches. “So, what would you hope to get out of the internship?”

“I don’t believe that university teaches everything I need to know about the industry. Of course, a formal education is important, but nothing beats hands-on experience. So many students finish a degree then have trouble finding work because they have no practical experience. This internship would help complete my education. A more well-rounded education, theory and experience.”

Tifa looked bemused by Roxas’ opinion, a small smile tugging at the corner of her red painted lips. “Well said. I do agree. You are applying early. You are in your second year?”

Roxas nodded. “Yes. I am looking now because I know what I want. I don’t want to stay stagnant until next year when everyone else will be looking for a placement.”

“You sound motivated, I like that. So what is your schedule? How many hours could you work a week while still studying?”

“Twenty hours. Mainly afternoons.”

Tifa smiled, “Well then, Marluxia gave you a glowing reference so I’m satisfied. I still need to run it past a few other people, but I don’t foresee any problems. Expect a call and an email in a few days.”

Roxas froze in mild shock. Did he get the internship? He really didn’t expect that. He thought he would be looking for months. And what was with Marluxia? He only met the guy once for a whole twenty minutes. 

With a polite smile, Roxas thanked Tifa for her time before leaving the office. He floated on cloud nine the rest of his way home. 

-o.0.o-

Roxas didn’t exactly know when the email would come through but Tifa had assured him on the phone that it would be through today. He scrolled through his inbox and came across an email from the adult toy site which he bought the majority of his toys from. The email offered a twenty percent discount if an order was placed in the next two days. He didn’t have anything better to do so he clicked the email and was taken to the website. He scrolled through the men’s toys section feeling glummer the further he scrolled.

After five pages, he found a toy he thought Axel would like and clicked it. Axel liked using remote controlled toys on Roxas. He liked being the only one able to control Roxas’ pleasure. This particular toy was wireless – Axel would definitely like that. 

Scrolling down to check what features the toy had, Roxas was disappointed that even the barest amount of information was missing. Who would buy a toy without knowing how many settings it had or how far the signal from the remote could work? That was most likely all written on the box. All someone would have to do was type it in. 

Roxas closed the browser. His thoughts were getting too depressing. He was looking at something his  _ ex-boyfriend  _ might like. There was no guarantee that they would get back together, let alone touch like  _ that _ ever again. 

He closed his laptop harder than necessary and crawled back into bed. Anime filling the noiseless void of his room as he dwelled in a mixture of self-pity and self-loathing. 

The contract came through a few hours later and he began his internship the following week. It was definitely not glamorous but it was something. He was out of his bedroom and getting his life on track. He was really just the office bitch. He fetched coffee and made copies at the printer. But he had his own desk which was nice. It was no corner office with a view, but he was right outside the editor’s office. He got to make the schedule for the editor and write a few small pieces for the magazines.

Everyone Roxas had met so far had been really nice. A few of the ladies in the office had taken Roxas under their wings to make sure he was shown the ropes and had people to talk to. On his third day working for the magazine a familiar face passed by his desk before doubling back. 

One red eyebrow was raised. “Aren’t you the guy from the bar?”

Roxas wanted to crawl under his desk. “Uh yeah. Reno, right?”

“Yeah,” the man sat on the edge of Roxas’ desk. “You are even cuter in the daylight. You have to be new here. I’d remember seeing you around the office.”

“I’ve only been here since the start of the week,” Roxas nodded, thinking Reno looked better in the light as well but forced himself to stop thinking before comparisons to another redhead could be made. 

“I have to have a quick word with Tifa but do you have time to have coffee after that?” 

Quickly checking the time on the monitor, Roxas nodded. “Yeah, I can spare some time.” This time it was coffee, not a threesome, Roxas could deal with that. 

The man nodded then slid off the desk and walked into the editor's office. Roxas hoped that befriending the man would be a good idea. Surely if people like him they would want him to stay after his internship. And, well, it was nice having something attractive to look at around the office. 

A few minutes later Reno was back and lured Roxas from his desk with the promise of good coffee. A thought formed in his spiky little head that he would definitely be easy to kidnap. His assailant would only need coffee or sweets to lure him into the windowless panel van and Roxas would jump in happily. Hopefully, they would at least let him finish his coffee and cake before raping and murdering him – it’s only fair. Or free WiFi. 

Over coffee, the two men bonded over their similar interests in the same classic rock bands and terrible b-grade horror movies. Roxas also learnt that Reno had a sweet tooth when the man took a bite out of Roxas’ brownie, earning the redhead fork prongs to the hand. Reno whined and snatched the fork with impressive lightning fast reflexes. Roxas stared stunned as the redhead relaxed in his seat with his arm draped casually over the back. 

“Ya know, I got to a gym just around the corner from work. You should come one afternoon,” Reno suggested. 

Roxas wondered where exactly he was supposed to pull free time from. “Uh, well uni holidays start soon. I could probably go then.”

“Awesome. I’ll hold you to it,” Reno winked. 

-o.0.o-

Getting out of bed in the morning was difficult. After all morning at university then racing over to his internship and getting home anywhere between six and nine o’clock at night. By the time it got to having to get out of bed the following morning Roxas felt like his body was made of lead. 

The chill in the air as he got out of the car when he reached the campus woke him quickly.  He pulled his hands inside the sleeves of his hoodie to keep them warm. 

“Coffee?” Axel asked falling in step with Roxas and holding out a takeaway cup. 

One hand popped out of a sleeve and took hold of the offered cup. “Thanks.” Roxas took a sip and sighed, ”Damn that’s good.”

“You look tired. Are you sleeping OK?”

Roxas raised an eyebrow at Axel. “Yeahhhh,” he drew out the word with scepticism. “Are you trying to tell me that I look like shit today?”

“No, of course not. You always look good,” Axel said quietly. 

Roxas smiled and took a sip of his coffee. “I started an internship last week. Still getting used to less sleep. I’ve never really had to worry about it before.”

“That explains why it feels like I haven’t seen you for a while.”

“Hasn’t been that long has it?” Roxas tried to remember the last time he saw Axel and came up blank. 

“About three weeks,” Axel said, chancing a glance at Roxas. 

“Oh I didn’t know it had been that long,” Roxas replied with surprise. “It’s been a busy few weeks.”

Axel nodded. “I wanted to give you some space. I hoped you wouldn’t be quite as mad at me after a bit of time to cool off.”

“Thanks.” Roxas frowned and took a few beats to collect his thoughts. “I’m not mad anymore. I’m just –“

“Disappointed? Sick of me?” Axel guessed. 

“Disappointed would be closest. Hurt would be another good word. I don’t care about the breakup and the ultimatum anymore, I knew that there was a chance that it might happen.”

“But I hurt you when I told Demyx.” Axel watched Roxas nod and sighed. “I’ll make it up to you eventually. I promise.”

“Ok,” Roxas dismissed sipping his coffee. 

“Have you, uh,” Axel cleared his throat, “have you met someone else? Sora said that you-“

“Are you kidding me? For a smart person, you say a lot of stupid shit. You were going so well there for a moment. Would I really give you an opportunity to make things right if I was with someone else or wasn’t still hung up on you?” Roxas huffed. “I need to get to class,” he uttered before walking off with increased speed to the lecture hall. 

-o.0.o-

Coffee breaks with Reno had soon become a regular part of Roxas’ day. The man was not nearly as sleazy as Roxas had thought after they had first met. 

Soon coffee breaks extended into gym sessions. Reno talked Roxas into taking a few classes with him and now he was hooked. It also helped that the trainer was pretty attractive. He was a tall brunet man with long straight hair reaching just past his shoulders and beautifully sculpted body – muscular but not overly so. While brunets weren’t usually Roxas’ thing, this one was particularly attractive. Unfortunately, he also had all the personality of a damp sponge. Though he wouldn’t need a personality for the things Roxas was thinking of doing to him. 

One month of copies and coffees later, a memo crossed his desk. He had been asked to type it up and send it to everyone in the office. The editor was looking for an assistant. A full-time role doing a little bit more than what he was doing as an intern, but it was  _ paid _ . Not  _ paid well _ , but anything was better than the no pay which Roxas was currently on. 

He typed up the memo as requested. This wasn’t something he could hide and keep for himself. Tifa would know if he didn’t send it out and she was scary when she was pissed off. He did not want to incur his boss’s wrath. 

The email was sent out and Roxas applied straight away. 

-o.0.o-

Sitting at his desk in his bedroom, Roxas was furiously typing up a paper for class. It was getting late and his mind was beginning to wander to food and sleep. He would likely only get four hours sleep tonight. But he persisted, all the while cursing himself for not starting the paper earlier. 

After an hour, Roxas made himself a coffee in an attempt to keep himself awake. The slight break had made his mind more alert but unfortunately more open to distraction. Another email alert popped up and he clicked it. It was just another email from an adult toy site with a discount code, probably wondering if Roxas was dead since he hadn't bought anything recently. Then his dirty little mind took him to the link. Once again he noted a lack of description for the majority of items.  Looking up a few more websites, he found the same problem with anything that wasn't high end. A few sites had a customer review section where the reviews were typically only a few sentences long. 

A solid idea formed. Roxas would create his own website and review adult items. He had a large collection of toys to start with. He just needed a website name, host, and rating system. 

… But for now, he had a few hundred words to write and hopefully three hours of sleep to catch. 

-o.0.o-

The following afternoon, Roxas began work on his idea. Beginning with finding a website host, he researched prices and features during his spare time over the next two days. After selecting a host he was stuck. The website needed a name. He didn’t want anything cheesy or lewd, but it still had to hint at what the website was about. 

He decided to take the idea to Naminé. 

Naminé was in her room working on a sketch when Roxas went in. He sat on the bed next to her. 

“What’s up?” Naminé asked, putting her sketchbook down. 

“I had an idea, it’s probably not a good one, but I was hoping to maybe start up my own side-business,” Roxas said, feeling less sure of his idea by the second. 

“Yeah? I know nothing about the business world, so I don’t think I’ll be much help but I’ll do what I can. What can I help with?”

“I don’t need help with the business side of things but I need a name and a logo,” Roxas looked down at the white lace quilt cover nervously. 

“I can help with that. What’s the business?”

Roxas bit his lip while trying to find the best way to put his idea into words. Naminé was such a lady. He wasn’t comfortable talking about sex with her. But he did need to learn to trust his friends more and this was as good of a place to start as any. If Naminé didn’t want to help he knew Riku and Sora would. 

“I know this is weird, but I want to start a website to review stuff,” Roxas trailed off. 

“What kind of stuff?” 

“Uh, sex toys and stuff. I think I might be able to make a little bit of money selling reviews and testing products. If you don’t want to, it’s ok. I just want you to know what I’m up to. Starting the site makes me feel like me again. I mean, I’ve been busy lately but I also know I’ve been boring. I still kind of miss being Destiny sometimes.”

“You could make use of the old adage ‘those who can; do, those who can’t; teach’.” Naminé smiled wryly.  “Start a blog on the same website with tips on how to cam, which toys to use, and what websites are best, that sort of thing. So you are after a name and logo for the site? I can do that.”

“I’ll  pay you and everything.”

Naminé giggled. “No need. I could use the digital art practice.” She picked up her sketchbook and turned to a clean page, pencil at the ready. “Any idea what kind of name you want?”

“I was thinking of something with Destiny in it. Destiny something. Something Destiny. It doesn’t have to have the word destiny in it, that’s just what I’ve been toying with.”

Naminé began scribbling down ideas. “Will it just be men’s toys?”

“Probably. There’s plenty of things that anyone can use, but I can’t really test female specific stuff myself.”

“I could help,”  Naminé looked up from the paper shyly. 

“Uh, how so?”

Naminé leaned over and opened her bedside drawer. 

Roxas’ eyes were drawn to the drawer and went wide. “Oh my God,” he whispered. The drawer was full of toys of various kinds in an assortment colours and sizes. Nothing too out there, just bullets, love eggs, and a few long vibrators. His eyebrows raised in surprise as he looked straight at Naminé. “Oh my God!”

“Oh shut up. It’s not a big deal,” Naminé blushed and lightly shoved Roxas’ shoulder. “Don’t most people have stuff like that in their drawers?”

“I don’t make it a habit to go through people’s drawers when they invite me over.”

Naminé rolled her eyes. “Anyway, leave it with me and I’ll come up with some names for your website.”

-o.0.o-

Roxas was in his room working on his website when there was a knock on his door.

“Yeah?” he called out, not wanting to get up and break his concentration on this line of code.

The door cracked open and someone stood in the doorway. “Do you have a second?”

Roxas finished the line of code and sat the laptop down next to him, looking up at Axel. “Do now. What’s up?”

“Are you doing anything next weekend?” Axel asked.

“Uh... no, I don’t think so,” Roxas said shifting back a bit. “You can come in,” he pat the spot next to him.

Hesitantly, Axel walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. “I found something you might like to do.”

“Do I get to know what it is?” Roxas watched Axel nervously wringing his hands. Overwhelming hurt washed over him knowing that Axel was nervous to be around  _ him _ . Probably because he had snapped at Axel every time they had spoken lately. He really needed to learn to rein in his temper.

“No, it’s a surprise.”

“OK. Saturday or Sunday?”

“Both. If that’s OK with you. I- uh,” Axel scratched his arm nervously. “I booked a hotel room. I don’t have enough money for two rooms so I got one with separate beds.”

Roxas put his hand over Axel’s to stop him scratching his arm, worried he was about to draw blood. “You want to spend a whole weekend with me even though I’ve been such an asshole lately?”

Axel shrugged. “I deserve it.”

Roxas frowned. “Don’t say that. You don’t deserve that from anyone.”

Silently, Axel gazed into his eyes. The only sound to be heard in the room was their breathing. “I really miss you.”

Roxas rested his head on Axel’s shoulder. “Mmm,” he hummed in agreement. “I miss you too.”

“I’m sorr-“ Axel started before being cut off. 

“I know,” Roxas said softly. He was tired of all the apologies that never got them anywhere. 

“What’s that you’re working on?” Axel changed the subject, gesturing to the laptop. 

Roxas chuckled and picked up the laptop to show Axel his web page, thankful for the change of topic. “This is a little project I’ve been working on. It’s a site for detailed reviews of sex toys. I contacted a few companies and I’m hoping they will pay for me to write reviews or pay to use ones I’ve already done. One company is sending me a few things to review for them.” He shrugged a shoulder casually. “No other sites seem to be capable of putting together a decent review so I thought I’d do it myself.”

“What are those round things next to the toys?” Axel asked pointed to coloured circles. 

“Rating system. They’re, uh, condoms. Stars just don’t fit on a site like this. That and everyone uses stars. They’re overdone.”

“Hmm,” Axel hummed deeply, scrolling down the page. “There’s a lot here.”

“Look familiar? That’s all Destiny’s stuff.” Watching for any sign that Axel would be mad or disgusted that Roxas had kept the toys, his eyes volleyed between the redhead and the screen. None came. Not that it really mattered if Axel minded or not, they weren’t together. But a small part of him still wanted Axel’s approval. 

Slowly, Axel’s eyes widened. “Holy crap. Some of this does look familiar.” He scrolled back up the page looking at each thumbnail. Frowning, he pointed to the screen, “I haven’t seen these two before. What are those?”

“Glass dildos.”

“ _ Glass? _ ”

“They are for temperature play. I didn’t work out until they had already been posted that temperature isn’t something that works well over the internet. Still haven’t got around to using them yet. Not sure I want to have a conversation with Nam about why there are dildos in the freezer.”

Axel nodded and continued scrolling, chuckling softly. He stopped at one very familiar toy. “I definitely remember this one,” he pointed the cursor at the last toy their online persona’s had used together, the wireless prostate massager.

“That one was so good. Or maybe you were the one who was good,” Roxas remembered the session fondly with a small smile. That was the session he found out Hot.Stuff was Axel. The session would have been so much hotter if he had known beforehand. 

“I wish I had known it was you. We could have been in the same room,” the redhead groused.

“That was before we were even dating,” Roxas dismissed.

“But you kept it,” Axel pointed out.

“I kept most of the toys. That one, in particular, was expensive... and it can be used again one day,” Roxas said softly, looking down at his bedspread. He still didn’t like the idea of ‘one day’ being with anyone but Axel.

Axel closed the laptop and sat sullen and quiet for a moment. “You mean with someone else, right?”

“Not necessarily.” Roxas shrugged, “I’d still prefer to use it with you.”

“Really?” Axel’s voice laced with hope.

“You were good in bed. Us breaking up doesn’t change that fact.”

“Oh,” came the deflated reply.

“Did I say something wrong?” Roxas leaned forward to peek at Axel’s face. Axel’s brow was creased with a frown. Roxas didn’t like it. “You don’t like me saying you’re good in bed? I can tell you that you were crap if that helps at all.”

Axel cracked a small smile and rolled his eyes. “No, that definitely wouldn’t help. I was just hoping that you were going to say it was because you still liked me, not because I’m good in bed.”

“You must be mistaking me for someone who talks about feelings,” Roxas gave a sardonic smile.

“Hmm, I must be,” Axel sighed.

Roxas quirked an eyebrow at Axel’s sigh. He didn’t think Axel was intentionally trying to make him feel guilty but it didn’t appreciate it either way. “Seriously? I told you something I hadn’t even told my best friends and you dumped me. I tried to tell you how I felt and you still left me. Why would I want to open up again now? I told you I miss you. I told I was still hung up on you. If none of that is good enough you will have to actually leave me, as in no more coming over here, no buying me coffee to get into my good graces. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait until I feel comfortable with you like that again,” he said softly but matter-of-factly. “I don’t know how long it will take but I’m really trying to change. I’m trying to trust my friends with stuff I wouldn’t have told them before.”

Axel squeezed Roxas’ hand. “I can wait. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”


	15. Chapter 15 - Drapple

Too bright and too early on Saturday morning, Axel knocked on the apartment door. Roxas was already mostly packed apart from his morning essentials, like toothbrush and toothpaste, which he still needed to use. But after a few minutes in the bathroom making himself look presentable he was ready to go. 

Naminé, in all her faux sweetness, muttered something about being bride’s maid at the wedding. Roxas shot her a warning glance and ignored her. 

Axel hadn’t given him a clue as to where they were going. All he knew was it involved a drive and a hotel. He could have just agreed to go anywhere in the world.  _ Idiot _ he cursed at himself. Who agrees to go away for the weekend with their ex? A complete idiot, that’s who. It’s bound to be uncomfortable. 

He hadn’t mentioned the trip to anyone other than Naminé. He didn’t feel like dealing with their opinions just yet. They would just ask questions that he had no answers to. He wasn’t sure what it meant or what he wanted to happen. All he knew was that he missed Axel’s company. He missed the warm feeling Axel gave him that made him feel special. 

So, with a bag packed with clothes - appropriate for the location or not he didn’t know - they got into Axel’s car and hit the road out of the city. Axel drove south and offered Roxas a bag of lollies from the glove box. Damn him for knowing Roxas so well. 

-o.0.o-

After an hour and a half of driving they pulled into a large hotel. It looked fancy, the type of place Roxas had always dreamt of going to one day. It made Roxas sit up straight and take a closer look. People were walking around out the front of the building dressed up as various characters. He recognised a few costumes from movies, TV, or anime. Something interesting was going on inside. 

He could feel Axel’s eyes boring into him as he tried to work out what was going on. It was obvious that some event was being held at the hotel, but he didn’t know if that was what Axel had brought him here for. Axel didn’t cope well with crowds, so they probably weren’t there for the event. Which only left the location as a hotel and Roxas wasn’t sure how he felt about that. It was presumptuous to think that just because Axel got a hotel room Roxas would sleep with him. 

He really hoped that there was an activity nearby that Axel had planned and the hotel room wasn’t planned to be the main event for the weekend. That was more of a Roxas idea than an Axel one anyway. 

The boom gate to the underground parking opened and Axel drove down and parked the car. “Any guesses what I have planned?”

“Murder me and sell my organs?” Roxas replied as he got out of the car. 

“No, not this time. I might use that as plan b.” Axel popped open the boot and got their bags out. 

“If I don’t like your original plan you can harvest my organs and get the money that you paid for the hotel room back.” The parking lot echoed his voice. When he was a kid he enjoyed making loud noises in parking lots to hear them echo. He always got in trouble for it but still did it anyway. But right now, talk of harvesting organs probably shouldn’t be discussed somewhere that amplified sound. “Aren’t we a bit early for a hotel check in?” 

“I took care of it.” 

Axel led the way up to the hotel lobby and picked up their key cards from the concierge desk. Roxas tried to peek into the function room as they passed on the way to the elevator. He didn’t get a good look but he saw a few stalls set up and brightly coloured drawings on the wall. 

The shiny chrome doors with gold trim opened and they got into the empty elevator. 

“Can I know what the plan is now?” 

“In a moment,” Axel teased and pressed the button for their floor. 

Roxas leaned back against the mirrored walls trying to think of where they were exactly and what would be around. He didn’t pay much attention to road signs, unfortunately, so he had no idea what city they were in now. 

He knew they went south. So what was south of Radiant Garden? Roxas had never got around to exploring outside of the city. He had always been too busy with one thing or another since he moved there and eventually forgot about it. Naminé had mentioned ski fields down south. Maybe that was the plan? He had definitely not packed clothes that would be appropriate for snow. 

The elevator chimed and they found their room for the night. It was a large room with two queen sized beds, beige walls, and a small bench with a kettle. Axel dropped the bags at the end of the beds. 

“Ready?” Axel asked, checking his pockets. 

“How the fuck would I know?” Roxas replied with a shrug. 

Axel chuckled. “C’mon then. Let’s go.”

Roxas was led back down to the foyer and over to the function room. His heart rate picked up a little with excitement, but he wanted to keep calm until he was sure they were going in. Axel pulled his wallet from his pocket and produced two tickets to the person at the door who then put wrist bands around their wrists and waved them in. 

_ Now _ Roxas was excited. 

“Oh my God. Are you serious? This is what you had planned?” Roxas stopped himself from grabbing Axel’s arm and shake him enthusiastically. 

“Yeah,” Axel replied slowly. “Is it OK? We can go somewhere else.”

Roxas broke out in a large grin. “Are you kidding? This is awesome.”

“Thought you might like it,” Axel said, looking around them. 

Roxas had never been to a convention before. He grew up in a very small town. Calling it a one horse town would be exaggerating the number of horses. But even if there was a convention held there, his parents were against almost everything to do with pop culture, so he wouldn’t have been allowed to go anyway. 

Something caught Roxas’ eye. Blue eyes widened with excitement. “That girl is dressed as Mikasa! I think I want to marry her.”

“Hey, I didn’t bring you here for you to find a girlfriend.” Axel put his arm around Roxas’ shoulders and guided him further into the fray. 

“Sorry,” Roxas chuckled. “I really like Attack on Titan. It is taking forever for new episodes to come out.”

“I had something different in mind.” 

Axel led Roxas right to the back corner of the large room, past so many things Roxas wanted to look at. That was until he saw what Axel had brought him to. A little mock cafe was set up in the corner, Harry Potter themed and displaying food and drink from the books. 

Roxas wrapped his arms around Axel’s waist as they got in the queue for the cafe. “Thank you. This is really cool.”

Axel leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of Roxas’ head. “Glad you like it.”

“Are you OK though? There’s a lot of people... “

Axel gave a thoughtful hum. “I’m OK, I think. It’s still early though, it will get busier in an hour or two.”

Taking note of the time, Roxas nodded. If it got too busy and Axel’s anxiety was getting bad, he would make sure they left the convention. “If it gets too much, just let me know. We don’t have to stay here. The point of this weekend was to spend time together, right? We can do that anywhere.”

“Don’t worry about me. You just have fun. As long as you are near me I’m fine,” Axel insisted. 

Roxas didn’t want to push the subject so he dropped it. Instead, he looked at all the treats on offer. Cauldron cakes, pumpkin pasties, chocolate frogs, acid pops, and... Pumpkin juice? Pumpkin juice sounded awful, but his mouth was watering for the rest. 

It took a few minutes to get to the front of the line, by which time Roxas was hungry and impatient. 

“Hey, Ax. What can I getcha?” the dark haired girl behind the counter asked cheerfully. 

“Hey, Yuffi. Two of everything, please,” Axel replied. 

Roxas gave Axel a questioning glance. Axel had friends here? He wasn’t surprised that Axel had friends, Axel was a really nice person. Who wouldn’t want to be his friend? But he had nerdy friends. Nerdier than Roxas, clearly. Roxas had never once attempted to make a cauldron cake. 

The girl nodded and began filling the order. “So, is this the cutie you were telling us about?” she tipped her head in Roxas’ direction. 

“Yeah,” Axel blushed. “This is Roxas.”

Roxas gave the girl a small wave before his attention turned back to Axel. The redhead’s cheeks were an adorable shade of pink. He was so sweet that Roxas might eat him instead of the cauldron cake. 

Axel talked about him to other people! Axel must still care about him... or was the conversation from before they broke up? At least, it seemed, that Axel hadn’t told the girl about the break up or the reason for it. He would rather not run into people here who were told that Roxas was a dirty whore or whatever Axel felt after he found out about the camming. 

Roxas was even more confused. Mainly because of his brain’s unhelpful negative spin on everything. He did miss Axel. He still wanted to be with Axel... but what if Axel only wanted him back because he was no longer camming? What if he found out more about Roxas and dumped him again? What if Axel was only after Destiny all for himself? 

Roxas had a good new routine going between university, work, his new side project, and course work. Did he even have time for a boyfriend at the moment? Wasn’t the plan to finish his studies before worrying about relationships? 

So deep in thought, Roxas flinched when he felt a hand around his waist. Axel led him to a small table with two chairs, covered in everything Axel ordered. They sat and tried a bit of everything. Pumpkin Pasties weren’t Roxas’ taste but Axel was happy to finish it off. He was also disappointed by the Acid Pops, not that he knew what to expect. He didn’t want it to actually burn a hole in his tongue, but he thought it would be different from a lollipop with sour sherbet. Being a muggle sucked. Wizards got all the fun stuff. 

Chocolate Wands were demolished quickly and Sugar Quills were shoved in pockets for later. As predicted, Roxas didn’t like the pumpkin juice but the Butterbeer – non-alcoholic of course – was amazing. 

Roxas was feeling very full but very happy. They looked around the stalls after they finished eating. It turned out Axel knew a few other people there as well. It didn’t seem as though he knew them too well since the anxiety was obvious, but apparently well enough to feel comfortable in striking up a conversation.

“How do you know those people?” Roxas finally asked after the burning question mulled around in his head for a while. 

“Forums,” Axel replied simply. 

Roxas giggled. “You’re the closeted king of the nerds. Why didn’t you tell me? It’s sexy.”

Thin red eyebrow raised. “Yeah?”

“Definitely,” Roxas smiled and winked. 

A girl walked past with ‘I Ship Drapple’ on her shirt and Roxas shook Axel by the arm. Every little nerdy cell in his body was ready to expose from excitement.  Then he saw where the girl was heading and raced over. He found a massive diorama of the great hall at Hogwarts. It was so intricate and perfectly detailed. Roxas was fascinated. He nearly missed the girl next to him ask him a question. It was the Misaka girl. They talked for what felt like ages, first about the diorama and then onto Attack on Titan and the Junior High version. They shared their own theories on which characters could be titans, both agreeing that if Misaka was a titan the other titans wouldn’t stand a chance. It would also unfortunately mean that the series would be over too quickly. 

It ended with the girl asking for his number, which Roxas happily gave. It was always nice making a new friend he could fanboy with. 

When he looked around, he couldn’t see Axel. Filled with guilt and worry he went round trying to find Axel with no luck. He went all the way around the room again, starting in the middle and working his way outwards. This time he found him. Axel was close to the diorama, but Roxas had missed him because he was leaning back against the wall, almost like he was seated. 

Roxas bent down next to him. “Are you OK?” 

“Fine,” Axel said softly. 

“Let’s get out of here.” Roxas helped Axel up and ignored any of Axel’s complaints to the contrary. Once they were in the bright lights of the hotel lobby, he looked Axel over. He was pale, a few shades more so than usual. His hands were shaky. Roxas was out of his depth. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He figured going back to their room was a good place to start and led the unusually quiet Axel back up there. The door closed softly behind them as he sat Axel on the bed. “Are you OK?” he asked again. 

“Fine.”

“Is there anything I can do? Anything I can get you?”

Axel shook his head and finally looked up to meet Roxas’ eyes. “You gave that girl your number.”

“Yeah, she was pretty cool.”

“You can go back down there. I’m fine here,” Axel said softly. 

“I’m not going back without you. We could order room service and watch a movie,” Roxas suggested. Axel was acting weird, there was no way he would leave him alone.

Axel lazily shrugged one shoulder. 

“Is something wrong?” Roxas moved closer and ran a hand through Axel’s hair. 

“You gave that girl your number,” Axel repeated, looking away. 

Roxas stood confused, wondering what the hell Axel meant. And then it clicked. “No! Oh my God. I mean, yes, I did give her my number but not like  _ that _ ,” Roxas insisted quickly. He cupped Axel’s face in his hands to force the man to look at him. “I’m definitely not interested in her.”

“She was flirting with you,” Axel leaned into Roxas’ hands. 

“She wasn’t. At least I don’t think she was. Anyway, I’m here with you. I would never try and pick someone up while I’m with you. I’m not interested in anyone else.”

Their eyes met and each held the gaze. The sudden tension was palpable. Roxas swallowed heavily. They were so close that he could smell the sugar on Axel’s breath. If he leaned in just a little closer... 

“No one?” Axel asked, tilting his head back invitingly. 

In a trance, Roxas shook his head slowly. “I have enough trouble with you.”

“Gee, thanks,” Axel lay back on the bed. 

“Fuck,” Roxas cursed himself. He felt the urge to climb on top of Axel and kiss him hard until he was reassured. He groaned and lay down next to Axel instead. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out.” He fought down a loud groan, knowing they were back to talking about those pesky feelings. Roxas really hated talking about feelings. “I mean, I am only interested in you. If this doesn’t work out then I wouldn’t be actively trying to find someone. Firstly, I don’t want to. Secondly, I don’t have the time to waste on anyone else.” Roxas paused and watched as Axel stared silently at the ceiling. “I came here, didn’t I?”

Axel rolled onto his side. “You always make it sound like I don’t want you. I have been trying to get you back for three months.”

“You dumped me,” Roxas said simply. 

“Because I’m an idiot. Not because I didn’t want you.”

For another long minute they stared into each other’s eyes. Roxas fought back the need to kiss Axel’s brains to mush. His fingers twitched, wanting to grab hold of the redhead. 

“Movie?” Roxas suggested, breaking the silence. 

For the rest of the afternoon they stayed in the room, watching movies and eating ice cream ordered through room service. When evening arrived, they walked the street until they found a restaurant they both liked. Tea light candles in the centre of the table made the atmosphere more romantic than intended. To Roxas it felt like the universe was trying to push him into bed with Axel. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to have sex with Axel, he really, really did, but he knew if he did that he wouldn’t be able to stop. They would end up in the deep end before Roxas could figure out what he wanted. 

-o.0.o-

Getting ready for bed was an interesting affair. When they were together they just stripped down in front of each other. It was different now. Awkward glances, deliberately averted eyes. They had been doing so well together today up until then. Roxas muttered something about a shower and took his change of clothes into the bathroom and locked the door. 

This was the part he forgot to pack for. He didn’t even own pajamas. He always slept in only his boxers, sometimes less than that in summer. 

After a shower he slid on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and quickly went back into the bedroom and hopped under the covers. Green eyes didn’t miss the lack of clothing and followed Roxas’ movements. 

Reaching for the remote, Roxas turned the TV on as a distraction. “You can shower now if you want to.” Flicking through cable channels but not paying attention to what was on before the next channel flicked over. 

With a wordless grunt, Axel went into the bathroom. 

Roxas relaxed as soon as the door closed and took the pillow next to him and smothered his face and groaned. This really was a bad idea. When the shower turned on his brain gave him unhelpful reminders of what Axel looked like naked and wet... soapy hands running over his body. 

With a frustrated growl he slammed the pillow back onto the other side of the bed and returned to flicking through channels for something non-sexual to drown out the sound of the shower. But the boring sitcom did nothing to stop his mind wandering or eyes straying back to the bathroom door. He tried changing the channel again, finding a gory horror movie which distracted him for a few more minutes. Attention waned again when he heard the bathroom door open and Axel emerged with just a towel around his waist. Roxas quickly averted his eyes as Axel picked clean clothes from his bag and returned to the bathroom. 

Yeah, this was a bad idea. Going out for just the day would have been much less awkward. 

He changed the channel when Axel came back into the room, thankfully, dressed this time. No matter how lame and fake the movie was, Axel was bound to not like it. 

Axel climbed into his bed and turned off the lights. “Rox?” he called out quietly. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m sorry,” Axel said. “For everything.”

Roxas lay silent as he heard Axel roll over in bed to face away from him. He knew Axel felt bad about everything that had happened and most of it wasn’t even his fault. Part of himself said he was being unfair to Axel while the other was still very hurt and didn’t think that Axel proving that he had learnt his lesson would be a bad thing. The cynical part of himself always won and he was tired of it. What was the point if it just meant that he would be miserable as well?

He sat up and slid out of his bed and crossed over to Axel’s and got into the bed behind him. Roxas draped one arm around Axel’s waist to hold him close and placed kisses across his shoulder. Axel rolled over to face him, looking unsure. Softly and slowly, Roxas leaned in and pressed his lips to Axel’s, giving Axel time to move away if he wanted to. But Axel didn’t pull away, he hesitated for a moment before pulling Roxas closer, his hand resting on the small of his back. 

Roxas cupped Axel’s face with one hand. “Is this OK?”

“Yeah,” Axel said huskily. 

Relieved, Roxas pulled Axel on top of him. A few strands of red hair fell in front of Axel’s face and Roxas tenderly tucked them back behind Axel’s ear. Axel leaned down and kissed him with just a little more force than the last kiss. Roxas’ hands began roaming across Axel’s back, up and down his tense arms, and up under the back of his shirt. 

Clothing was quickly thrown to the floor. There was a thick sense of urgency in the air as though they needed to make up for the past few months apart. 

“Damn it. Condom,” Axel got out between kisses. 

“Mmm. Wallet,” Roxas waved his arm in the general direction of his pants where his wallet resided. 

The condom had been in his wallet since Naminé made him put it in there for his third date with Axel. It should still be alright. He’d know if the packaging was damaged because there would be lube all through his wallet. 

Axel’s long arms were able to reach Roxas’ pants with out them having to separate. He managed to get the condom and lube packets with out much of an issue. Roxas tore open the condom package and rolled the condom on to Axel’s erection as Axel tore open the lube. They were a well oiled machine getting all the annoying things out of the way quickly so they could get to the good bit. Axel refused to give in to Roxas’ begging for him to stop stretching him and fuck him already. Axel was thorough, too much so for Roxas’ liking. The man took too much pleasure in Roxas’ moaning and squirming.

By the time Axel finally pushed inside him, the mood was intense. Neither held back. It was fast and rough, trying to make up for lost time. Roxas’ arms gripped around Axel’s shoulders, pulling him as close as possible. 

Roxas had no idea how long it lasted, all he knew was that it was quick but satisfying. Axel kissed him hard as he came, muffling a loud moan and came not long after. Possibly the most satisfying orgasm Roxas had ever had. All the tension melted away leaving him blissfully happy as they lay together, taking a few minutes to recover.  

Eventually Axel rolled off him and dealt with the condom and wiped their stomachs off with the sheets. Roxas rolled over and wrapped Axel’s arm around his waist, the little spoon to Axel’s big spoon. Soft kisses were pressed over his neck and shoulders. Smiling tiredly, he laced their fingers together. He didn’t trust himself to say anything. If he tried to speak it would probably be sickening apologies or words of affection, the same as those currently running through his head. Maybe if he didn’t speak at all Axel wouldn’t ask  _ “What does this mean?”  _ He had no idea what it meant. He just missed Axel, that’s all. It didn’t have to mean anything. Axel was kissing up his neck and nothing else mattered right then. His body felt completely relaxed and Axel’s affection was welcomed by throaty moans. 

Axel’s kisses began trailing down his back, softly pressing his lips over Roxas’ shoulder blades and down his spine. 

Axel’s hand began to wander down Roxas’ side, gripping at his ribs and hips in the way he knew Roxas loved. Before long he could feel Axel’s hardening cock pressed against him. Roxas shuddered and leaned back into Axel. Oh, he really wanted to have sex with Axel again. 

“You are so sexy. You have no idea...,“ Axel’s voice was soft but hoarse in Roxas’ ear. 

Moaning, Roxas pushed his hips back and rolled them against Axel’s. “I want you,” he whispered.

“Fuck,” Axel moaned, mouthing up Roxas’ neck. He stilled suddenly and lifted his head to look around. “Uh... That was the last and only condom.”

Roxas whined into the pillow.  _ Fuck!  _

He knew he was clean but he hadn’t asked Axel if he was with anyone since they had broken up. Would Axel take it the wrong way if he asked? 

Roxas was usually pretty good at avoiding awkward conversations like this. Not having sex with anyone kind of negated the need to ask. He knew where his dildos had been, no need to worry about this stuff. 

“I know you got mad last time I asked, but this is different. I need to know if you have been with anyone since we broke up,” Axel asked gently. 

Roxas rolled back slightly to see Axel’s face and shook his head. “No. Nothing more than a kiss.” All he could really see was Axel’s outline but he could feel Axel’s eyes on him. He probably shouldn’t have mentioned kissing other people, it was a bit of a mood killer. “Have you?”

Long hair brushed over his shoulders as Axel shook his head. “No. I never got over you.”

Roxas understood perfectly since he had never gotten over Axel either and it had only been a few months since they broke up. “Then we don’t need one,” he said quietly, reaching out and running his fingers through Axel’s hair. 

He was aware that this was probably a stupid move. He still wasn’t entirely sure he trusted Axel again... But Axel seemed genuine. This wouldn’t be something Axel would lie about. Roxas knew Axel still had strong feelings for him. And that little voice in the back of his head, the one which would whisper when he was doing something stupid or dangerous, was quiet. The voice hadn’t steered him wrong so far. 

“Are you sure?” Axel asked as he kissed along Roxas’ neck and up to nibble on earlobe. “It’s OK if you don’t want to. There are other ways I can get you off.”

Smiling softly, Roxas rolled back onto his side, pulling Axel’s arm around him, arching back against his chest. “I’m sure. I want you, baby.”

“I could duck out and find a convenience store and grab lube and condoms.” It was a half-hearted suggestion and they both knew it. 

“Do what you think is best,” is how Roxas replied. What he really meant was  _ ”don’t you dare move.” _

Axel either understood or came to the same conclusion and began spreading the remainder of the lube on both of them. He wiped his hand on the sheets and then lifted Roxas’ leg. Very slowly, he pushed the head of his penis into Roxas, breaching the tight muscle with a moan. Lips attached to Roxas’ neck, he breathed heavily for a few moments before beginning to thrust slow and shallow. 

In one hand, Roxas clenched the bedspread, the other hand grabbing the arm holding his leg up and back. He leaned back and turned as much as he could in able to kiss Axel, moaning as the slow thrusts became deeper each time. 

“Oh fuuuck. Right there, Ax. So good,” Roxas moaned desperately. 

Axel obeyed, not going any deeper for the moment. He bent one leg and planted it firmly on the bed for stability and grounding to thrust harder. Quick thrust in. Long, dragging pull out. 

If there were people in the rooms next door they weren’t getting much sleep tonight. Roxas was finding it impossible to keep quiet. Axel was just as loud. They grew louder the closer to climax they came. 

He couldn’t remember the sex being this good when they were together. The sex had always been great but not  _ this good _ . He was a trembling, moaning mess and if the sex was going to be this good then no one was going to be having much sleep tonight. 

The position had to change, Roxas was starting to get uncomfortable with his upper body turned so he could still kiss Axel. 

“Let me ride you – Ahhh – please,” Roxas gasped. 

Purring, Axel pulled out and lay on his back. 

“Up against the headboard,” Roxas requested. He pushed up onto all fours and waited for Axel to sit himself against the bedhead. Straddling Axel’s lap, he held Axel’s erection and guided it back into his body. Slowly, he took Axel all the way in until he was seated in his lap. Axel had gripped his hips tightly, head tipped back against the headboard. “Ok, babe?” A weak nod and a mumble was all he received in answer. He could tell Axel was close. “Mind if I turn the lamp on?”

Axel shook his head and turned the bedside lamp on. His blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light. 

“Much better,” Roxas smiled and kissed Axel. “Can I move now?” he murmured hopefully against Axel’s lips.

“Fuck yes. Please.”

Roxas resumed the pace that Axel had set, his arms resting on Axel’s shoulders to steady himself. Much more in his element now that he was in his favourite position, he set about showing Axel what he had been missing. He rode Axel with abandon, leaning back slightly for a better angle. Axel curled over him, holding him up and kissing his chest, one hand gliding down his stomach to his erection and taking hold. Roxas gasped, hips stuttering for a moment before quickening the pace to fuck Axel harder. 

Axel’s body went rigid and trembled as he came with a growl. His grip tightened around Roxas’ waist and the other hand stopped moving completely. 

Frustratingly close, Roxas wrapped his hand around Axel’s and assisted in stroking his erection until Axel’s awareness returned. It only took another minute or so before Roxas came, shuddering and gripping Axel’s shoulder. Axel nuzzled affectionately against his throat as he drifted in the afterglow. 

“I have missed you so much,” Axel whispered against his skin. 

“Mmm,” Roxas hummed, guiding Axel back against the pillows and draping himself over him. “Missed you too.”

Axel lifted Roxas’ hips enough to slide his penis out of the blond. “What?” he asked when Roxas grimaced. 

“Feels weird. I can feel your come.”

Axel brushed back blond hair from Roxas’ forehead and kissed him. “Want a shower?”

Roxas nodded. “In a moment. Too comfy.”

Axel smiled softly. “I love sleepy, sexed-out Roxas. So cute,” he said poking the blond’s nose then laughing softly as Roxas pouted. One hand reached out and pulled the blanket up over them for warmth. 

Pleasantly tired, Roxas remained cuddled close to Axel. The soothing, familiar beat of Axel’s heart was lulling him to sleep. But the sweat on his skin was cooling and giving him a chill which kept him from drifting off completely, as well as the wetness from their come. 

“OK, time to shower before I get too comfy and fall asleep.” Roxas sat himself up and stretched, then headed into the bathroom, turning on the shower. A pair of arms curled around his waist. 

“I could use a shower too. Might as well join you,” lips brushing against the shell of Roxas’ ear. 

The shower took longer than necessary since they lathered each other slowly and with too much fondling for the action to be called washing. Slow, lazy kissing ensued under the delightfully warm spray of water before getting out and drying off quickly and climbing into Roxas’ bed, it was the only clean one. Turning the light out, Roxas curled up against Axel, head on his chest and ready for sleep. 

Axel wrapped his arm around Roxas and gave him a squeeze. “I’ve missed this.”

Roxas hummed in agreement. “Thank you for today. It was fun.”

“Just wanted to make you happy.” Axel’s hand softly stroked Roxas’ arm. 

“Don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m pretty easy to keep happy. As long as I’m fucked and fed it’s all good,” Roxas smiled.

“Well, I fed you and fucked you. Does that mean you are fucked, fed, and ready for bed?” 

“You’re a dork,” Roxas buried his face against Axel’s chest, unable to stop smiling. 

It took Roxas a while to fall asleep. His mind raced with questions that he tried to find answers to. He considered moving and sleeping on the other bed or the lounge to keep some distance between himself and Axel. He was scared of getting attached. If it was just sex Roxas would be fine, but having Axel holding him and kissing him like he did when they were together was emotionally confusing. 

He still liked Axel. He was still head over heels and that was probably what scared him most. It would be so easy to just pick up the relationship where they had left off like nothing had ever happened... but things did happen. The break up was rough on both of them and it shouldn’t just be forgotten, they needed to learn from it. Roxas still needed to learn how to communicate and Axel needed a lesson in being patient and less selfish. 

So much still needed to be said and Roxas hated having long, deep conversations about his feelings. 

-o.0.o-

Roxas was woken by Axel’s stirring. He pried his eyes open and checked the time. It was already almost half past eight and check out was at eleven. He closed his eyes wanting to make the most of an opportunity to sleep in longer. Still comfortably tangled in Axel’s arms, sleep claimed him again quickly. 

The next time he woke up was to Axel kissing his forehead and nuzzling into his hair. 

“Mmm what time is it?” Roxas asked without opening his eyes. 

“Nine thirty,” Axel replied, kissing the tip of the blond’s nose. 

Roxas smiled and slowly opened his eyes. “Morning.”

“Morning, gorgeous. Sleep OK?” 

“Better than I have in a while,” the blond replied, stretching like a cat. “Let’s order breakfast.”

“Here?”

“Yeah. I’ll pay.” Roxas gave Axel a quick peck on the lips before getting out of bed to look for a room service menu. He found the vinyl bound book on the writing desk at the other side of the room and took it back to bed with him and snuggling back under the covers with Axel. 

They ordered breakfast and managed to get most of the way through it before silliness took over and they began, what Axel referred to as ‘feeding’ each other. In reality they were just smooshing food into each other’s face. Before long, it became physical and they became a tangled mess of groping limbs on the bed. 

Unfortunately, since riding cock wasn’t a form of transport, they didn’t make it any closer to home and ended up running short of time before check out. Roxas had the first shower, locking Axel out. He knew if Axel joined him they would just start all over again. When Roxas finished with the shower it was Axel’s turn. While the redhead was in there, Roxas dressed and made sure they hadn’t left anything laying about so they would be ready to leave as soon as Axel was dressed. 

A mad dash down to the concierge desk saw them making it for check-out with barely two minutes to spare. They packed their bags into the boot of Axel’s car and began the drive home.

They stayed quiet most of the way, only occasionally singing along to a song or making light-hearted conversation. 

“So,” Axel began hesitantly, drawing the word out. “Uh, are we – I mean, do you want this to mean anything?”

Ideally, Roxas would have preferred to never have to have this conversation. He didn’t know what he wanted. It had been a good weekend and he had enjoyed himself. But did that mean he wanted them to get back together? All he knew was that he had missed Axel more than he realised. Even after everything, they still clicked. 

“I... I don’t know.” Roxas kept his gaze out the passenger window. If he looked at Axel he would never be able to try and say what he felt. After a few beats he continued, “It means something in as much as you mean something to me. Does it need a label right now? It’s not that I don’t want to be with you... ,” he bit his lip not knowing how to put into words what he felt. 

“You’re scared you’ll get hurt again,” Axel answered for him. 

That sounded accurate. He was scared that something would go wrong again. Scared that Axel would leave again only this time Roxas would have fallen for him. 

Roxas gave a shallow nod, face still turned towards the window. 

Axel placed his hand on Roxas’ thigh comfortingly. “It’s ok, we can talk about it later when you’re ready.”

Unsure of himself, he glanced over at Axel. He almost wished that Axel had asked last night. Sex mellowed Roxas out enough to allow himself to be emotionally vulnerable. If Axel had asked last night, Roxas would have said they were back together. But now, in the harsh, sobering light of day, Roxas was scared. He didn’t want Axel to give up on him and move on, nor did he want Axel to feel used. 

“Do you want to...” Roxas froze, not knowing how he wanted to finish the sentence, “stay the night?” That would have to do for now. 

Axel took his eyes off the road for a moment before they flitted back. His grip on the steering wheel tightened. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

It was late afternoon by the time they pulled up out the front of Roxas’ apartment building. Hands were kept to themselves until they made it into the elevator. Axel pinned Roxas’ arms above his head and pressed him into the mirrored wall. They kissed feverishly until the doors opened with  _ a bing!  _ at Roxas’ floor. They stumbled out into the hall and Roxas fumbled for his keys. The door opened drawing Naminé’s attention from her laptop. 

“Hey Axel,” she greeted with mild surprise. 

“Hey Nam,” Axel pat her head as he walked behind the lounge to Roxas’ bedroom doorway. 

Naminé looked to Roxas. “Uh, hi.” One thin blonde eyebrow raised questioningly.

Movement from behind Naminé drew Roxas’ attention. Axel was leaning back against the door frame with a coy smirk. Teasingly, the redhead undid his belt and was slowly unzipping his pants. Roxas gulped, holding back from leaping right over the furniture to get to Axel. With the small amount of dignity he possessed, Roxas calmly walked around the living room furniture and leaned over the back of the lounge next to his roommate. “Not a word,” he said quietly before hurrying off to his room. 

They would talk, just not yet.  

  
  
  



	16. 16 Chapter – Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's decision time for Roxas. He is cautious - overly so - but maybe it is time for a leap of faith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the looonnngg wait this time. This one chapter managed to grow into three chapters. Somehow this fic is both getting closer to the end and getting longer all at once. But never fear, cream_pudding keeps me on track.
> 
> I have been naughty and got off track. I started three new fics I am dying to work on after this one. Let's not get into how many others I have that need finishing XD.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! Let's get the show rolling.

The weather was finally getting gradually warmer signalling the end of winter and the beginning of spring. The warmth was gladly welcomed by Roxas who was tired of waking up on freezing and dark mornings for class. Summer couldn’t come soon enough. 

It had only been three weeks since the hotel and already Roxas and Axel had a rhythm going. During the first week, they only saw each other twice – once an accidental booty call by Roxas. By the following week the visits increased to three. Small date-like activities were introduced, dinner and movies type activities. Clothed activities. 

By halfway through the next week Axel had suggested set-days that fitted around Roxas’ availability. Axel wanted to plan dates and little surprises for him, so Roxas agreed. They decided to spend Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights together as well as during the day Sunday. Roxas knew that he would be overstretching himself but it felt nice to know Axel wanted to put some effort into fixing their relationship. 

Depending on how late Roxas worked, it determined who’s apartment they stayed at – Axel’s being closest to the office. Which meant having to see Demyx and trying not to act weird. He was able to talk to Demyx now without wanting to hang his head in shame. It was a start. And Axel preferred to sleep in whereas Roxas was used to getting up early, which left him running into Demyx in the kitchen most mornings when Roxas stayed with Axel. Gradually, conversation became easier, though both carefully avoided the topic of Destiny. So far, it was working out well. Luckily, Demyx was a bit of an anime fiend as well so they had begun re-watching One Punch Man together while Axel was still asleep. 

As for today, it was a lovely warm midday afternoon which was made even better by Tifa being away on business all day. So Roxas took his time to have lunch with his friends at the university cafeteria before worrying about rocking up to work. 

He rarely had the free time to see any of them, other than Naminé, and that was only because they lived together. He suggested that from now on they should meet for lunch or dinner every fortnight so they could all hang out together, to which they all agreed. 

Now that he had sorted out Pence and Olette’s concerns, everything was more or less back to normal. Turned out that they were just hurt that they never saw Roxas while he was with Axel. He could work with that. Naminé was happy that Roxas was giving Axel another chance, which was lucky given that Axel was at their apartment most nights. 

Roxas still wasn’t any closer to making a decision on whether they were getting back together. One moment it was a yes and the next it was a no. It changed with his mood and proximity to Axel at that moment. Deep down he knew what the answer had to be. 

“Hey,” Naminé directed at Roxas. “I was thinking we should do something like rice wraps or tacos for dinner. Is Axel coming around tonight?”

Roxas shrugged. “Probably,” he replied stuffing his mouth with burger. 

“Axel? You’re with that douche bag again?” Riku asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Roxas swallowed his mouthful of food and shrugged again. “I’m not with him. I don’t know what to call it. We’ve been... spending time together.”

“After everything he did to you?” Riku gaped. 

“We’ve sorted it out,” Roxas said shortly. 

“How can you forgive him? What part of getting under him is getting over him? He’s such a cu-“

“Roxas!” Sora exclaimed loudly, jumping up out of his chair beside Riku before his boyfriend could finish the vulgar word. “I really want a coffee. Come with me?” Sora ordered more than asked. 

Roxas nodded and they both headed towards the café. 

“I’m sorry about Riku. I’ve told him not to say anything but you know what he’s like. He’s just worried about you and doesn’t want you to get hurt again. I don’t want you to get hurt either, but if being with Axel is what makes you happy then you should be with him. You say you don’t need people but I know you do.”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Why not? I mean, there can be any other skeletons in your closet, right?” Sora asked jokingly with a short laugh. 

Roxas gave Sora a sidelong look. 

“Oh,” Sora said, pursing his lips. “Well, there’s nothing else like the camming thing, right?”

“No.”

“Then it’ll be fine. I’ll deal with Riku.”

“You know he’s still going to corner me about it later, right?” Roxas turned to the counter and ordered their coffees. 

Sora gave an exasperated sigh. “I know. But I will at least try and get him to mind his manners.”

“Good luck with that.” Roxas picked up two packets of sugar for his coffee. 

“You are happy though, right?” Sora asked cautiously. 

Roxas nodded and shrugged at the same time.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I am... but... I can’t help wondering if this would be happening if I was still camming. Does he want me back because he just does or is it because everything is now to his liking?” Fidgeting with the sugar packets, Roxas avoided meeting Sora’s worried gaze.

“Roxy...” Sora uttered sadly. 

“It’s fine,” Roxas dismissed with a wave of his hand. “I’ll work it out somehow.” He picked up his freshly made coffee and handed over Sora’s. 

Sora shook Roxas by the shoulders. “You have to talk to him. Tell him that you are worried about stuff so he can fix it.”

“Hey! If you spill my coffee I will have to kill you.”

“Be serious!” 

“I thought I was,” Roxas held his hand protectively over the lid of the cup. 

Sora’s face slipped into the closest he got to an expression of anger, a stern pout. “You and Axel are meant to be together. You can’t just leave it like this. You will both get hurt.”

Roxas fought the urge to roll his eyes. “And how would you know if we were supposed to be together? If I don’t know, there’s no way you could know.”

“I just know these things. Now, stop being difficult and man up!”

Roxas quirked an eyebrow. “Does Riku know that you're in Axel’s corner?” he asked as he emptied the two sachets of sugar into his coffee. “You two have meddled in this so much it’ll feel like I’m dating all three of you.”

Sora paused in thought for a moment. “You could do worse.” He casually took a sip of his coffee and returned to the table. 

-o.0.o-

As expected, Riku found him the next day as Roxas was getting in his car to go to work. Riku quickly slid into the passenger seat and closed the door. Roxas had expected to see anger or annoyance on Riku’s face, but he didn’t. Riku looked calm, if not a bit worried. Sora must have spoken to him. 

Roxas turned in his seat a little, angling himself towards Riku. “Go on then.”

Riku’s eyes quickly flicked over to Roxas before staring straight ahead at the dashboard. “I’m not going to try and tell you what to do. I don’t trust him. I think he will hurt you again. I just want you to think about it a bit more before making a final decision. I’m just...“

“I know. I have thought about it over and over again. I haven’t decided anything yet, we are just fucking. You don’t have to worry about me. He dumped me before and I lived, didn’t I? It’s not the end of the world if something goes wrong.” Riku began grumbling again and Roxas rolled his eyes. “Look, I’ll text you a yes or no when I have decided. Happy?”

Riku nodded stiffly. “If he hurts you again I’ll castrate him with a rusty butter knife.”

“And I’ll help you.”

“And put lemon juice in the wound,” Riku added. 

“I’ll bring the heat rub.”

Riku snorted. “That’s brutal.”

“I wasn’t pleased the first time he hurt me. If he did it again there would be hell to pay.”

“But... Just–” Riku sighed. “It’s him being controlling that worries me.”

“Yeah?” Roxas asked sceptically. “How so?” 

“It’s how a lot of domestic violence starts. They start off controlling before it gets physical.”

Roxas frowned and leaned against the backrest of his seat, eyes lowered. 

“I didn’t mean to make you mad,” Riku said softly. 

Roxas shook his head. “I’m not mad. Just thinking. I just... I never thought of that. Didn’t cross my mind at all. I didn’t think of it as controlling. He didn’t want a boyfriend who was a camwhore. That sounds fair to me. There are plenty of professions that I wouldn’t want a partner to be in, too.” His fingers toyed with the little cat keychain Naminé gave him. “I didn’t see anything wrong with him having a preference like that. But... maybe it was controlling,” he said with uncertainty. “Am I too close to see it myself?”

Riku punched Roxas’ shoulder. “You are so frustrating.”

“Ow!” Roxas grumbled, rubbing his sore shoulder. 

“Just think about it. I’m not saying that it was definitely like that. I’m saying it might have been.”

“Take one psychology class and you think you’re an expert,” Roxas muttered under his breath. 

“As a whole, I’ve only seen Axel as a snivelling little bitch while he tried to get Sora to help him get you back. He probably isn’t dangerous, just annoying. There are just a few things about your breakup that strike me as weird. Though, I have a feeling you left a few things out because that’s just what you always do. You think you’re protecting everyone by never telling us anything, but all you do is freak us out, you bloody idiot.”

“I told you everything that was important. Honestly, the whole break up lasted maybe an hour. Most of the time we were just talking. He wanted to know how I ended up camming and we just lay on the bed and kissed a lit-“

“Oh my God, are you serious?” 

“A little,” Roxas said louder, over the top of Riku. ”Then he left. I didn’t leave out anything that was bad, just the bits that would make you mad.”

Riku rubbed his temples with his fingertips. “You’re going to take him back, aren’t you?”

Roxas shrugged. “I don’t know, but even if it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake to make.”

“Yeah... guess so.”

“I’m gonna find you peering through my bedroom window making sure Axel doesn’t try and smother me in my sleep or something, aren’t I?”

“That would probably be Sora. I would be waiting in your closet with a baseball bat.”

Roxas snorted. “You loooooovvvee me,” he teased. 

“Oh fuck off. How could I love you? You are clearly demented,” Riku joked, trying to keep a smile from his face but mostly failing. 

“Yeah, nah. You love me,” Roxas grinned. 

“You’re off your rocker. There’s clearly no reasoning with you.” Riku reached for the door handle but paused, hand on the lever. “Just because he is pretty doesn’t mean your world has to revolve around him.” 

Roxas snorted. “Is that so, pretty boy?”

Riku flashed him a sparkling grin before he exited the car, heading back through the walkway between the tall buildings. 

-o.0.o-

It was Thursday night when the texts started. Text message after text message of strange questions from Sora. When he showed Naminé she just rolled her eyes and smiled. 

“This must be the test he was talking about,” Naminé said taking her dinner plate to the kitchen. 

“Test?” 

[Sora 6:56 PM] Have you told Axel things that you haven’t told anyone else? 

This again? Why did Sora care if they were together? Why couldn’t Roxas make his own decisions for his life? He didn’t think it was too much to ask to be allowed to choose his own partner in this day and age, apparently Sora thought otherwise. 

Naminé came over and cleared his plate. “What’s that look for? You look angry.”

“Sora is trying to play Yente,” he answered putting his phone down on the table. 

“Even the worst husband, God forbid, is better than no husband, God forbid, “ Naminé quoted Fiddler on the Roof’s Yente with the thick accent. She chuckled. “That’s Sora’s way of caring. He wants you to be happy and you were happy when you were with Axel, so in his mind that’s what has to happen again. Just go with it. He isn’t going to give up on this any time soon.”

Unfortunately, Naminé was right. With most things, Sora had a very short attention span and the topic would die down within a week. But every now and again, Sora would stick to one thing he found important like a dog with a bone. 

For the next hour, Roxas mostly ignored the texts as they came through. Every now and again there would be a question so odd he would read it out to Naminé for a giggle. 

“If Axel was trapped in a tower that was guarded by a dragon, what would you do?” Roxas read out the newest text to Naminé. 

“What? How did he get in the tower? Did the dragon put him in there?” Naminé giggled. 

“I guess the dragon is just guarding him.”

“Hmm,” Naminé hummed as she adjusted herself on the lounge to sit sideways facing Roxas. “So Axel is Rapunzel? How long has he been there? Is his hair really long so you can just climb up?”

“Uh, not sure.” Roxas picked up his phone and texted back. 

[Roxas 8:01 PM] How long has Axel been in the tower? Has he let himself go? 

[Sora 8:01 PM] What? Like gotten fat? No, he’s still just Axel as he is now. Like, he’s been in there for a week. 

“He’s been in the tower for a week. So no long hair to climb up, I guess.” Roxas put his phone down on the arm of the chair. ”How do you lure away a dragon?”

“Uhh... Cheese,” Naminé nodded decisively. 

“Cheese?”

“It’s a mythical creature. It doesn’t eat anything. And if it was real, who doesn’t like cheese?”

“Good point.” Roxas went back to watching the television for a moment. “So, throw a wheel of cheese. I imagine the thing is fucking big so a wheel of cheese would only be a snack.”

“Still have to get Axel out of the tower. I assume the door would be locked so you can’t just walk right in.”

Sitting deep in thought, Roxas tried to think of something that could be climbed or raised to the hypothetical tower window, because the towers always had windows in fairy tales. Axel was pretty tall, so maybe he could just step out of the window and be fine. And who said it was a mean dragon? Maybe the dragon was guarding Axel because it liked him. Like a guard dog. 

“Cherry picker,” Roxas decided. 

“Cherry picker?”

“Yeah. You know those machines they use to reach the top of telephone poles? Just drive one of those up to the tower and raise the platform basket thingy and get him out.” Roxas was pleased with his half-formed hypothetical plan. 

“And how does this prove you are meant to be with Axel?” Naminé asked. 

“Who knows,” Roxas shrugged. “It was the most interesting question yet.” He looked down as his phone glowed with another text. 

[Sora 8:17 PM] You are supposed to be answering these! 

[Roxas 8:18 PM] cheese + cherry picker

Roxas waited to check his phone again after getting into bed. His phone alerted him to a few more messages. 

[Sora 8:18 PM] Answer seriously! 

[Riku 8:19 PM] Wot have u done 2 Sora? He keeps grumbling about u. 

[Sora 8:20 PM] What if Axel gets tired of waiting for you to decide and finds someone else? 

Ouch. That one hurt. He wasn’t stringing Axel along, was he? He just wanted to be sure. Axel hadn’t said anything to him to indicate he was giving up on him. He was positive he wanted to keep Axel in his life. He just didn’t want to get hurt again. 

As far as he could see, there was no reason for Axel to want him anyway. Axel could do better. He could find someone smart and attractive who had their shit together. It wouldn’t be hard for Axel. He deserved all those things... and Roxas didn’t feel like he was any of those things..

If Axel found someone else... “I’d be crushed,” he muttered to himself, putting his phone down and rubbing his eyes. Or maybe he’d just want to crush whoever Axel was with. The guy would probably be a perfectly lovely person but it wouldn’t stop Roxas from wishing something bad to happen to him, like gangrene of his penis.

He pulled the covers over his head and groaned, ineffectively hiding from his phone. Screw Sora for making him think. 

-o.0.o-

Leaning forward, Roxas gave Axel space to run the wet face washer over his back. Warm bath water trickled over his shoulders as Axel bathed him. Taking baths together was becoming a regular activity on nights he spent at Axel’s. If he remembered to send a text as he was leaving the office, Axel would have a bath ready for them by the time he arrived. 

“Busy day? You feel tense,” Axel commented, running a hand over the blond’s shoulder. 

“Something like that. It’s always busy the week before everything goes to print.” Roxas leaned back against Axel’s warm chest and could feel some of the tension melt away. “I overheard something interesting, though. Aqua and Tifa were—“

“Which one’s Aqua again?” Axel asked, arms wrapping around Roxas’ waist. 

“The fashion writer.” He allowed his eyes to close as his head rested nestled under Axel’s chin. 

“Oh, right.”

“She was talking to Tifa about wanting to start a recurring piece for lingerie and some of the less risqué adult items.”

“Sounds like something you could help with.”

“That’s what I thought too. But why would anyone listen to me unless I show them the website or tell them about camming?” He wasn’t comfortable with either of those options. He just didn’t know Tifa or Aqua well enough for that.

The warmth of the water and Axel’s body, coupled with the lack of sleep during a busy week, caught up with him. He was suddenly feeling very tired and relaxed. He allowed his eyes to slip closed and his body to just relax against Axel. 

“What exactly are the sort of toys they would be interested in?”

“No idea, but it’s likely I’ve used them all anyway. Flavoured or warming lubes, I guess. Maybe some paddles and blindfolds.”

Axel purred and nipped Roxas’ neck. “Sounds like a good night to me.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“Are you going to fall asleep in the bath?” 

“Probably,” Roxas nodded. “Just leave me propped up a bit so I don’t drown.”

“Or we could get into bed and get you all warm and cosy where there in no chance of drowning,” Axel countered. “We can just watch a movie until you fall asleep.”

“That sounds good,” Roxas yawned. “Except the part where I have to get out of the bath and move. Otherwise, it’s a great plan.”

“Then how are you getting to bed?” 

“I’ll apparate.”

“Too bad. This apartment is an apparition free zone like Hogwarts. You are shit out of luck, my friend.”

Roxas groaned. He was reluctant to leave the warm bath but the warm bed was definitely calling him. After a few uneventful counts to three in his head, he finally got up and out of the bath. A big fluffy towel was handed to him to dry off before they both went to Axel’s room and crawled into bed. Axel put a movie on but Roxas only saw a few minutes before he was out like a light wrapped up in Axel’s arms. 

-o.0.o- 

Roxas roused early, as usual. Since Demyx still wasn’t back, he decided he’d make Axel breakfast. Quietly, he slipped into one of Axel’s t-shirts and padded barefoot to the kitchen. He whizzed around as quietly as possible while gathering equipment and ingredients. Carefully measuring out the flour, he found that there wasn’t quite enough and had to go rummaging through the cupboards for more. This kitchen was not made with the height-challenged in mind, he had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the top shelf of the cupboard. He was stretching up to reach in when arms came from behind and wrapped around his body. 

“Hey, can you reach the flour for me?” he asked, as he was lowered back to his feet. 

Axel grunted and reluctantly removed one hand from Roxas’ body to reach the flour and placed it on the bench. 

“Thanks, Sasquatch.”

Axel chuckled. “Fuck you, hobbit,” he replied with a sharp nip to Roxas’ neck. His hands began to roam slowly down Roxas’ stomach and pulling up the t-shirt. “You’re not wearing anything under my shirt?” Hands skimmed over the front of Roxas’ hips. 

A shiver ran down Roxas’ spine. “You don’t want breakfast?”

“Not at the moment.” Pulling Roxas’ hips back against his own, Axel slowly kissed up his neck until he reached his earlobe and sucked it into his mouth. 

Roxas’ body reacted quickly to Axel’s touch becoming warm and aroused. He quickly forgot about making breakfast. A tingling spread right into his core as Axel’s hands moved more deliberately, stroking and groping. He moaned deeply when a finger stroked down the cleft of his backside and rubbed firmly at the sensitive skin of his arsehole. He leaned forward, palms of his hands bracing his body against the bench top. His hips pushed back. He needed more contact, more pleasure. But Axel’s hand moved away and Roxas groaned in discontent. 

Axel chuckled, one hand reaching up to the cupboard, the other stroking Roxas’ hard cock. “I love doing you raw but I’m not going to start fucking you dry as well.”

A small part of Roxas’ brain managed to understand the words, the rest of it was screaming ‘touch me! Touch me, touch me, touchme touchmetouchme ngh!’ not understanding why ‘dry’ was a bad word. 

Axel had barely touched him yet and he was already a twitching mess. 

Unfortunately, Axel needed two hands for the moment and stopped touching Roxas at all as he unscrewed the cap of a long, thin, glass bottle and poured a clear yellowish liquid into the palm of his hand. Roxas watched on, and tried to focus on the bottle. Olive oil. That’ll work fine. Roxas’ cheeks were flushed and head swimming as Axel put the bottle down and rubbed his hands together. Finally, Axel was touching him again, hands slicked and a finger pushing into him. 

A low moan rumbled behind Roxas. “You are so tight. You feel so good, baby. So good.” He worked Roxas open quickly, adding another finger and then another, making sure he was slicked as thoroughly as his fingers could reach. “You ready, baby?”

Roxas nodded vigorously. “Yeah. Please.” He felt Axel move, doing something behind him before pressing the hot, slicked head of his cock against Roxas’ arse. Smoothly, Axel pressed into his body, stretching Roxas open as gently as possible. Axel rocked his hips slow and shallow, his hands found purchase on Roxas’ hip and around his chest. 

Axel began fucking him harder, deeper. He rested his elbows on the bench and pushed his hips back to meet every one of Axel’s thrusts. 

With a frustrated grunt, Axel pulled out, spun Roxas around and lifted him onto the bench top. “I need to see you. Need to kiss you,” he said thrusting back into Roxas and kissing him firmly. 

It felt too good. Roxas was building up to orgasm too quickly. Not that he wanted Axel to stop or slow down either. His stomach muscles fluttered and tightened. Intense heat pooled, begging for release. 

“Ah! Yes! There! Right there!” Roxas moaned. 

“Want me to make you come?” Axel’s husky voice asked as his arms wove under Roxas’ thighs and fucked him deeper. 

Roxas nodded. He needed more stimulation. He needed Axel to touch him. 

Axel’s hand stroked his cock with the same furious rhythm as his thrusts. “Come for me, baby.”

Roxas’ breath hitched and body arched as he came. 

There was noise behind him that his brain barely registered. He tipped his head back to hear “Oh fuck!” and see the front door close. 

“Fuck,” Axel grunted, thrusting slowing to a slow roll of his hips. 

“Demyx came back?” Roxas propped himself up on his elbows. Axel met him halfway for a kiss. 

“We need our own place,” Axel muttered and began thrusting harder. “With... ugh, fuck... with a sex swing and mirrors on the ceiling.”

Roxas just smiled and let out a short breathy laugh. He knew better than to take anything Axel said during – or the next five minutes after sex, seriously. He had a tendency to run his mouth when he was happy and Roxas found it mostly endearing. He could think of better uses for Axel’s mouth, though. 

“Wouldn’t mind one of those fuck benches. The doggy style ones.” Axel’s hips slammed into him and his eyes rolled back as his body arched. “Fuck...more,” he moaned. 

Panting hard, Axel trembled slightly. “Maybe we should move to another room before Demyx comes back.”

Roxas whined and propped himself up on his elbows. “Now?”

“Yeah, before I can’t stop,” Axel’s voice rumbled low as he placed a few kisses up the inside of Roxas’ leg.  

Roxas looked down his body where come was drying on his skin. “Shower?”

“Mmm yeah. Good idea,” Axel agreed. 

“Gonna pull out so I can move?” 

Axel pulled out of Roxas’ body and helped him off the bench. He scooped the blond into his arms and carried him to the bathroom. He allowed Roxas’ feet to touch the floor but kept their bodies pressed together while he turned the shower on. He managed to pull the come-stained shirt off Roxas and throw it on the floor. 

Roxas’ hands wandered as they waiting for the water to warm. They brushed down Axel’s sides and behind to grab his arse cheeks. Axel looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Roxas grinned. “Such a sexy butt,” he said, giving it a squeeze. 

“Is that so?” Axel picked Roxas up and pressed him into the tiled wall. Roxas gasped sharply, quickly wrapping his legs around Axel’s waist. Large hands quickly landing on Roxas’ backside to support him. “You OK?”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah. The tiles are still cold.”

“Sorry.” Axel moved the shower head so that the water hit their chests and kept Roxas warm. He lined himself back up and pushed his cock back into Roxas with a satisfied sigh. “Fuck. You feel so good.” He began thrusting, working them both back to a fast pace. 

The sound of skin slapping together reverberated of the tiles and around the room. Roxas’ arms wrapped tightly around Axel’s neck, pulling him into an intensely passionate kiss. “Ax,” Roxas moaned against Axel’s lips. “More.”

Axel’s hand wrapped around Roxas’ erection, stroking him in time with thrusting into his prostate. 

“Rox,” Axel moaned. “Fuck. C-Coming.” His muscles went rigid and spasmed as he came inside Roxas, still thrusting jerkily through his orgasm. 

A few more strokes and Roxas came too, this second orgasm hitting him harder than the first. He would have been embarrassed by the high-pitched squeak of Axel’s name that left his mouth if he had been capable of thinking at that moment. His arms tightened around Axel as he rode out the intense pleasure thrumming through his body. 

Axel held him and kissed him through their afterglow. “You are so fucking sexy,” Axel said, mouth sucking a new mark onto Roxas’ neck. Gently, he pulled his hips back until his penis slipped free of Roxas’ body’s tight grip. He helped Roxas back onto his feet, supporting him as his legs wobbled and muscles twitched until Roxas felt steady enough to stand by himself. 

“Breakfast?” Axel suggested. 

Roxas chuckled. “Yeah, OK.”

-o.0.o-

Those texts from Sora kept popping back into his head at random points of time for days and days later. Sometimes it was just the dragon scenario but late at night when it was dark and his mind ran wild, it was always the question of how he would feel if Axel decided to be with someone else instead. It made it hard to sleep. Over and over it churned through his head. 

He knew he’d hate it if Axel didn’t want him anymore. He would definitely hate to see Axel with someone else. He wanted Axel to only ever want him... but he was still worried that it was just Destiny that Axel wanted, or that it was because Destiny had been deleted that Axel wanted him. It had been eating away at him so much that he had finally gathered the balls to ask. 

As promised, he sent a quick text to Riku letting him know that he had decided to take Axel back depending on how Axel answered a question or two. He put his phone down before a reply from Riku could come through. He didn’t want to be discouraged from his decision. This was between himself and Axel. No one else. 

Swiftly, Roxas tried to move his textbooks off the bed as soon as he heard Axel come in the front door. He stacked them and was about to move them to the desk, but as soon as Axel was in the room his arms were around Roxas, hugging him from behind and giving him an affectionate little squeeze. Roxas smiled and put the books down on his bedside table. 

“Hey,” he greeted, trying to turn around in Axel’s arms. The hug loosened enough so he could spin around and face Axel. 

“Hey,” Axel returned with a warm smile. 

Roxas’ arms wrapped around Axel’s neck pulling him down into a hungry kiss. Axel responded with a groan and pressed his body closer. Roxas took a step back without disconnecting himself from Axel and Axel shuffled closer to meet him. Roxas stepped back once again, the back of his legs against the side of his bed, and Axel lay him on the bed and crawled over to straddle him. Roxas’ hands instantly found themselves on Axel’s thighs, smoothly running over the fabric of Axel’s pants and behind to rest on his arse. Roxas tilted his head to the side as Axel’s mouth zoned in on his neck. It wasn’t until Axel’s hands went to work on undoing his pants that Roxas remembered what he had planned to say. 

“Uh, Ax, is it OK if we talk for a moment?” 

Axel froze and pulled back slightly. “Something wrong?”

“No- I mean, I don’t know,” Roxas gave Axel’s thighs a squeeze. “I just want to ask something that has been bugging me.”

Axel sat up on Roxas’ hips. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, no. Nothing like that,” Roxas assured. “I just need to know if– Just try not to get offended, OK? I will probably say it all wrong and you will, but that’s not what I want.”

Axel lifted one leg and moved off Roxas to sit on the bed. “You are starting to freak me out.”

Sitting up quickly, Roxas took hold of one of Axel’s hands. “See, I knew I’d manage to fuck it up. But it’s important and if I don’t say anything it will keep eating away at me.” He took a deep calming breath and exhaled. He was turning into a neurotic mess. His eyes lowered to Axel’s hand in his, not wanting to see Axel’s expression when he finally got the words out. “I just want to know if– Would you be here right now if I was still camming?”

There was a moment of deafening silence. Roxas’ mouth went dry and he held his breath waiting for the reaction. 

“I think so,” Axel replied slowly, sounding confused. 

Roxas swallowed heavily, dry tongue peeling from the dry roof of his mouth painfully. “You don’t sound so sure.” He still couldn’t bring himself to look at Axel. 

“Why are you worried about that?”

“Because I want you to be here just because you want to. If you only want me back now that I’m not camming...“ he shrugged as his words trailed off. 

Axel scratched the side of his neck as he thought. “Well... I would still want you even if you were still camming. I would still have a bit of trouble with it, I think. We’d have to set up some boundaries. Are you thinking of starting again?”

Finally looking up, Roxas regretted it immediately. Axel looked confused and hurt. That wasn’t what Roxas had wanted at all. “No. I just... just want to know if you really did mean it when you said that you were an idiot for breaking up with me, or if you are here because I’m not camming and you got what you wanted. Everything’s easier for you now that Destiny is gone.”

“Oh...” Axel looked down at their hands. He paused in thought, the silence seeming to go on forever to Roxas. “I meant it,” he said finally. “Being with you is better than being without you. I do want to be with you, but I’m not gonna lie and say everything would have been peachy if you’d kept camming. It would take me a long time to be OK with it. I doubt there’s anything you could do to make me not want to be with you. I miss being able to call you my boyfriend. I miss feeling like I can tell you things. Fuck, I miss not being constantly worried that every time I say or do something stupid you will leave town and I’ll never see you again. I really l—“

Roxas threw his arms around Axel’s neck and kissed him hard. He had his answer. Axel did still want him—Roxas, not Destiny. He wasn’t just a convenient fuck or easy relationship. 

Full to the brim with so many emotions, Roxas felt like he’d burst. Everything was so warm and intense, unlike anything he had ever felt before. He felt so much lighter, freer, now he had got his concerns off his chest. It had been the last thing holding him back. 

Axel’s arms wrapped around Roxas and pulled him onto his lap. Softly parting from the kiss, Roxas studied Axel’s eyes for a moment before smiling. 

“I have one more question.”

“Ask away,” Axel replied, thumbs rubbing small, soft circles against Roxas’ hips. 

“Will you be my boyfriend again?” 

Axel made a few strangled noises and gave a small nod before hugging Roxas tight and tipping them both over sideways on the bed. Laying half over Roxas, Axel snuggled up against him with his face in the crook of the blond's neck. Roxas could only smile and run his fingers through Axel’s hair. 

He didn’t understand why Axel would want to be with him. Axel could definitely do better than him. Someone without trust issues. Someone who knew how to be affectionate and could show Axel how much they liked him without having to guess or find tips on the internet. 

Axel never tried to push him or guilt him into trying to show warmth, even though Roxas was sure he must be as affectionate as a Chia Pet. But he tried. He did what felt natural and just a little bit of what he thought he should do. It was gradually becoming easier. Axel was a good teacher, Roxas just followed suit. 

Axel nuzzled his neck. He realised there was something damp against his skin. He ran his fingers gently through Axel’s hair. “Are you crying?” he asked with a small smile. 

“Shut up,” Axel muttered against Roxas’ neck. 

Roxas bit his lip to keep the big grin off his face. Axel was happy. He was happy, even. A huge gloomy weight had been lifted. 

“Ax?” Roxas asked receiving a hum in reply. “I’m not going anywhere.” The hand on the arm trapped under Axel softly massaging Axel’s neck. “I’m not going to just up and leave town. I like it here. This is where you and my friends are, I wouldn’t just leave. I already know how hard it is to leave friends behind and start over again and I don’t want to do that ever again. I care about you all too much to do that.”

Axel chuckled and nuzzled Roxas’ throat. “That is possibly the sappiest thing I have heard you say.”

“Shut up. It’s all your fault. I was still planning on leaving up until I met you. When we started dating it made me think about whether I would want to stay to be with you.” He raked his fingers through red spikes. “I used to think that it wouldn’t matter if I moved because I could still talk to my friends even if I didn’t live close to them. It wouldn’t be enough, though. I’ve relied on them all so much this year after everything that’s happened. And I tried to distance myself from you. Tried to get over you... but it didn’t work at all. I knew I was doomed that night in the hotel. I tried to pretend we were just friends sharing a room and, well, we both know how well that went. Sex and emotion I can separate, the real problem was the rest of the time. We’d lay together like we were still together. That was the hardest part, I think. Being together but not being together.” A smile was pressed against his neck. ”What?”

“Nothing. I just like it when you talk,” Axel kissed the blond’s neck. “It’s not often I get to hear what you are thinking... unless you are mad. So, since you are talking, what else are you worried about? I know there is more than just that one question.”

Roxas hummed. “Nothing important. I think I let Riku get into my head too much. Now I keep overthinking and going over everything in my head over and over.”

“If it’s nothing important then it won’t be a big deal for you to tell me.”

“It’s not a big deal but I’m not going to say something that I know will hurt you. I think Riku likes to catastrophise things and reads too much into things. Then I try to see things how he does and then freak out over nothing. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“Kinda sounds like I should,” Axel said, a worried crease forming between his eyebrows. 

Roxas kissed Axel’s forehead, wanting the crease to disappear. It did, but slowly. “If I think there is something I should worry about, I’ll tell you, ok? Right now, I’m happy. I’m not worried about anything right now.”

-o.0.o-

Roxas was walking from the café back to the office carrying two takeaway cups of hot coffee. Reno was busy and didn’t have the time to leave his desk so Roxas offered to pick up coffee for him. He was almost at the office when a car pulled up beside him, driving slowly. He didn’t look to the side. He didn’t want to acknowledge whoever the creep was.

The window went down. “Hey, Kid. Want some candy?”

Horrified, Roxas looked over at the guy ready to get mad and give the man a piece of his mind. He relaxed instantly. He recognised the idiot. He went over to the car and bent over to see inside. “You gave me a bloody heart attack, Axel,” he laughed, holding his chest.

Axel shrugged happily. “What are you walking for?”

“Walking is good for you.”

“Lame. Get in the car,” Axel said as he leaned over and opened the passenger door for Roxas. 

“I have to get back to work.”

“I’ll drive you the rest of the way.”

Feeling a little lazy, Roxas took Axel up on his offer and got into the car. He carefully balanced the cardboard cup tray on his lap as he did up the seatbelt. 

“I have something to ask you,” Axel announced as he pulled the car back into the lane of traffic. 

Roxas quickly grabbed hold of the cup tray before anything spilt. “Shoot.”

Axel’s eyes flicked nervously over to Roxas for a moment then back to the road. “My parents have been bugging me to go home one weekend... and I want them to meet you. Will you come with me?” Silence followed. Not a long one, just long enough to begin feeling uncomfortable. Roxas’ jaw was clenched tight and his eyes wide. “You don’t have to give me an answer now. It can wait.”

Roxas had honestly forgotten that meeting the parents was a normal part of dating. It sounded utterly terrifying. He had no idea what to expect. Axel never spoke about his family often. What if they didn’t like him? Would Axel dump him again if his parents didn’t like him?

So caught up in his inner turmoil, Roxas didn’t notice when Axel had pulled up to the curb out the front of his office building.

“Hey,” Axel said gently, trying to get Roxas’ attention. As Roxas looked at him, Axel put his hand on Roxas’ knee and gave a gentle squeeze. “It’s OK if you don’t want to. You don’t have to.”

“I-I think I want to,” Roxas heard himself say unsteadily.

He did? It sounded awful. It sounded like a whole weekend of being judged.

But it was obviously something important to Axel. A small part of him was very curious about what Axel’s family would be like.

“I sent you for coffee like twenty minutes ago! What the—“ Reno poked his head in through the car window. A slow smirk pulled at his lips. “Please tell me this guy's name is coffee. I won’t even be mad about the lack of caffeine.” Blue-green eyes were none too subtle in looking Axel over.

Roxas rolled his eyes. “Reno, Axel. Axel, Reno.” He pushed the palm of his hand into Reno’s forehead, pushing his head out of the car.

“Rude,” Reno tsked, reaching an arm through the window and snagging one of the cups of coffee in Roxas’ lap. “You look pale as fuck, dude. You sick?”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll see you back inside, OK?” Roxas pleaded. 

Reno winked. “Oh, yeah. Gotcha. Have fun, boys,” the redhead called over his shoulder as he left.

Roxas watched Reno walking away and wondered just how far he could throw his coffee. He had a decent amount of upper body strength these days. Should be easy to hit the man without getting out of the car. If he threw his shoe it might leave a satisfying bruise on his back. 

“Are you OK?” Axel asked, breaking the silence.

Roxas turned back to Axel and nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine. Reno’s going to be wanting to know about my lunch-break-car-sex for the next few days.”

“I’ve got time,” Axel replied eagerly. 

“But I don’t. I have to get back to work.”

“OK.” One long finger hooked under Roxas’ chin, guiding him in closer for a kiss. “I’ll see you tonight. Take your time and think about coming with me to my parents. It’s really not a big deal if you aren’t ready for that yet.”

He pressed his lips to Axel’s slow and softly. How Axel managed to put up with him, he’d never know. Axel had just waited weeks for Roxas to make up his mind. How could he still be so patient?

Also, he was just plain curious. 

“I want to meet them. But first, you have to tell me all about them when I see you tonight ‘cause I have to get back to work.”

“Sounds fair,” Axel said before kissing Roxas on the cheek. “See you tonight.”

“Yep.” Roxas reluctantly made his way back into the office with his too-cold-to-be-enjoyable coffee. 

 


End file.
